Ri-chan - Ch. 42

[MangaDex]

 

[cryum]

"It felt like her circle of support was starting to crumble"
maybe?

 

[Eternalcakes]

"It felt like her circle of support was starting to crumble"
maybe?

Yes, this is closer to what the Japanese means.
It is NOT about how he personally can't support her anymore, but about his observation that her supports are dwindling away. He is a part of that, but he is talking more holistically about the relationships in her life.

 

[Coldlight]

I wonder if she'll ever pick up playing the piano again.

It seemed like she did have some talent for it, maybe we'll get to see her play again, with his help.

My awkward take on りーちゃんの中で支えになっている柱が あまりにも少なくなっているのを感じた:
"I felt that Ri-chan began to lose her pillars of strength around her, it's way too much."

 

[fettyman]

Yes, this is closer to what the Japanese means.
It is NOT about how he personally can't support her anymore, but about his observation that her supports are dwindling away. He is a part of that, but he is talking more holistically about the relationships in her life.

I agree that it's closer to the direct translation of the line, but I'm not sure I completely agree with the implication. In my mind, Ri-chan has no friends aside from him. She basically has him, her parents, and piano. At the time, he didn't know that her parents were in the midst of a divorce, so why would it seem like her relationships were crumbling? Visually speaking, he is depicted fading away into darkness, while her parents and piano remain.

I just don't see what would lead him to believe that everything around her was collapsing. We see him notice that she becomes completely engrossed in piano, meaning she has less time to spend with him. I feel like the sentiment is that he's losing his ability to support her, and thus her supports have pretty drastically shrunk.

I'm not saying you're wrong at all. This is just my opinion and why I translated it the way I did. Please let me know what you think. I would like to have the translation be as correct as possible.

 

[Eternalcakes]

Sat down to think about this.

In my mind, Ri-chan has no friends aside from him.

There are multiple things happening in this chapter.
1) MC is feeling his own distance from Ri-chan. Seen in his looking at her from outside the window, as well as fading away in the pillar picture.
2) Ri-chan rejects the friendship of the people in class in order to work on her songs.
3) MC is reflecting on the past, with hindsight.

I believe point 2 is actually the main point, because it is the internal monologue of him noticing Ri-chan not making friends continued.

りーちゃんは学校でも 友達を作らず
(Even at school, Ri-chan, without making friends,)
四六時中 曲作りをしていた
(wrote music the whole time).
^this is the theme of the chapter. The next two panels confirm this: Ri-chan rejecting a friend, MC playing with friends outside but watching Ri-chan.

Internal monologue continues:
今ではわかるけど
(I only understand now, but)
あの頃は なんとなく
(At that time, somehow,)
りーちゃんの中で支えになっている柱が
(The pillars that were supporting Ri-chan from inside her)
あまりにも少なくなっているのを感じた:
(Were becoming much too few -- I felt).

Important points:

• 少なくis a counting word. I would remove the 'cumbling' idea from my previous suggestion completely, and use this instead. MC is concerned with the number of pillars, not that pillars which previously existed are being lost.
• The pillars are the things doing the supporting.
• The pillars are specifically the thing that are too few (が).
• The thing he feels is the last line, that the pillars were becoming too few (のを).

For me, it all comes together to mean that MC is feeling the general dwindling and lack of support that RI-chan had. He was a big part of that, but he's also thinking about all the friends that RI-chan rejected. In the end, she really only did have her parents and her piano. The problem pointed out isn't that she was losing these, but that she didn't have anything else.

So I think I'd go now:
"I only understand it now, but at that time, somehow, I felt that the pillars supporting Ri-chan's heart were becoming far too few."

Happy for more discussion! Interesting bit of writing. I'm certainly no expert!

 

[fettyman]

Sat down to think about this.


There are multiple things happening in this chapter.
1) MC is feeling his own distance from Ri-chan. Seen in his looking at her from outside the window, as well as fading away in the pillar picture.
2) Ri-chan rejects the friendship of the people in class in order to work on her songs.
3) MC is reflecting on the past, with hindsight.

I believe point 2 is actually the main point, because it is the internal monologue of him noticing Ri-chan not making friends continued.

りーちゃんは学校でも 友達を作らず
(Even at school, Ri-chan, without making friends,)
四六時中 曲作りをしていた
(wrote music the whole time).
^this is the theme of the chapter. The next two panels confirm this: Ri-chan rejecting a friend, MC playing with friends outside but watching Ri-chan.

Internal monologue continues:
今ではわかるけど
(I only understand now, but)
あの頃は なんとなく
(At that time, somehow,)
りーちゃんの中で支えになっている柱が
(The pillars that were supporting Ri-chan from inside her)
あまりにも少なくなっているのを感じた:
(Were becoming much too few -- I felt).

Important points:

• 少なくis a counting word. I would remove the 'cumbling' idea from my previous suggestion completely, and use this instead. MC is concerned with the number of pillars, not that pillars which previously existed are being lost.
• The pillars are the things doing the supporting.
• The pillars are specifically the thing that are too few (が).
• The thing he feels is the last line, that the pillars were becoming too few (のを).

For me, it all comes together to mean that MC is feeling the general dwindling and lack of support that RI-chan had. He was a big part of that, but he's also thinking about all the friends that RI-chan rejected. In the end, she really only did have her parents and her piano. The problem pointed out isn't that she was losing these, but that she didn't have anything else.

So I think I'd go now:
"I only understand it now, but at that time, somehow, I felt that the pillars supporting Ri-chan's heart were becoming far too few."

Happy for more discussion! Interesting bit of writing. I'm certainly no expert!

Super interesting, I really like your breakdown (your analysis of Japanese and in general is much better than mine). It's more about how she hasn't actually made other friends or "supports" in her life. He feels more distanced and thinks things are becoming precarious for her. He's saying it in a very roundabout stereotypical Japanese way; "I feel like her support group is small," indirectly implies his inability to support her, i.e. him fading into the background.

Grammatically, I think you're spot on. I thought of “あまりにも" as "very," but it realistically has a negative connotation. It's not "very few," it's "far too/much too." It's a way to represent a drastic shift or development. Also, I think I got tripped up on "becoming fewer" and "becoming few," which have a slight nuance. "Fewer" feels like an observation about things shrinking, while "few" feels like an observation that it has already shrunk. My English translation made me think that he was talking about shrinking, rather than being small.

The only thing I might change in your translation is the word "heart". There's not really a good way to translate ”りーちゃんの中で.” I think it captures the translation from Japanese, but it feels just a tiny bit clunky to say in English. Being a pillar of support is already a figurative thing, so I'm not sure it needs capturing. I feel like Japanese tends to be a bit more literal and requires the "の中で” to show that it's not a literal support (could be wrong here though).

When I translated it initially, I also toyed around with the idea that "の中で” could also imply "around her," like "within one's circle." Unsure though.

I really appreciate the time you took to write all that. I've never translated anything before, so some of these chapters have been a bit grueling without someone to bounce my ideas off of. No one has actually read the Japanese version here (but you), so it was making me worried that I had slipped up somewhere. Tbh, I think this was one of the hardest parts to understand, so I don't think other chapters are going to be too far off, but I still worry.

I plan to update the page in a bit. I was pretty unhappy with the translation here, so I'm glad it's gonna get fixed. Let me know what you think about the "heart" thing as well. Honestly, they both sound fine.

 

[Eternalcakes]

The only thing I might change in your translation is the word "heart". There's not really a good way to translate ”りーちゃんの中で.” I think it captures the translation from Japanese, but it feels just a tiny bit clunky to say in English. Being a pillar of support is already a figurative thing, so I'm not sure it needs capturing. I feel like Japanese tends to be a bit more literal and requires the "の中で” to show that it's not a literal support (could be wrong here though).

When I translated it initially, I also toyed around with the idea that "の中で” could also imply "around her," like "within one's circle." Unsure though.

Yeah, I used 'heart' to imply that it's supporting Ri-chan's 'inside,' which I'm interpreting her mental health. You could do away with it.

I'm pretty sure の中で doesn't mean 'around her.'

Let me check with my JP friend and get back to you, should get a quick answer.

You can PM me on Discord @Eternalcakes if you're interested in chatting more. Happy to help with quick proof-read or talk through translation problems (I'm learning too!), and I can always ask my friend for help. I haven't read the other chapters raw, but it feels like you've been doing a good job!

 

[fettyman]

Yeah, I used 'heart' to imply that it's supporting Ri-chan's 'inside,' which I'm interpreting her mental health. You could do away with it.

I'm pretty sure の中で doesn't mean 'around her.'

Let me check with my JP friend and get back to you, should get a quick answer.

You can PM me on Discord @Eternalcakes if you're interested in chatting more. Happy to help with quick proof-read or talk through translation problems (I'm learning too!), and I can always ask my friend for help. I haven't read the other chapters raw, but it feels like you've been doing a good job!

Thanks!!!

 

[UnvalidUserName]

Translation aside, he is a little off in his observation. He should be closer to her on those pillars for what we've seen