River

[MangaDex]

 

[Licht_Silver]

Licht Silver [known as darknblack33 for my Prototype: Zero series] :
______________________________________-
River is a work in progress Comic series Published by New Heights Comics Story by Aiden Riley
what you see here is an incomplete version, a growing perfection of an imperfection.

I hope you guys would stick around, be entertained and enjoy reading this.

wait for further additional chapters in the future

 

[ribbitribbitsaga]

@darknblack33
I like the premise and It seems like a story where the MC should have some self improvement halfway.
But I do have a few criticisms:

Spoiler

Saving the Thot is not cool, she caused the unnecessary suffering and should have been killed.
If the author can't grasp how fucked lies leave your mental state, they should drop it and write something with little challenge.
Instead re write it into them separating and both finding happy endings.
The wording needs to be a little darker. Theres some parts were the words blend in with the dotted background and makes it hard to read.
I want to see an arc 3/4 of the way were he causes an innocent a bad end by stopping an action.Make him give more thought into stopping.

I can see this getting philosophical.I like that.

 

[Licht_Silver]

So Hello, it's me again I fixed some issues here and there and wanted to change the river from All caps into upper case and lower case instead but sadly i can't so the result is ending up here with a new title

And hope that you enjoy reading our passion Project with the wonderful Author Aiden Riley [hope you buy his book and his previous works and other amazing upcoming works when it comes out as well ]

 

[Keimichi]

I see that this is something you’re working on, so in terms of criticism, I have to say one thing:
“Show, don’t tell”
There is a lot of narration in here and imo it interferes with the pacing quite a lot, especially when a lot of it could be avoided with better storytelling. From what I get, this is an adaptation of a novel? The thing with novels is that the narration conveys a lot of the emotions and thoughts of a character. However, it might not translate as well in a medium such as a “manga” as flow in a manga is much more dependant on the visuals (composition, panelling, character poses and small gestures, facial or eye expression, etc.) instead of textual descriptions. Usually, a good way to check is to hide the text. If you look at the works from amazing manga and comic artists, it’s amazing how much of a story, characters, their emotions and actions from just the images alone, even when you don’t understand the language it’s written in. This is even if a character is written off as being cold and emotionless. You can still tell of their disinterest from the little care of their surroundings they have in their gestures, or much much it contrasts with other character’s body languages.

Right now, the story has a lot of “scenery shots” which don’t really contribute as much to the story past the first few panels, especially since they’re taking attention away from characters. We barely see the characters, apart from their faces occasionally (even on the subject of faces, a lot of times they are hidden so it becomes hard to focus on the emotions or thoughts of the character). It’s fine to have a lot of shots of the face, but too much and you’re missing the chance to tell the character’s feelings through their body languages. In this story, as a reader, half of the time I’m having a really hard time catching up to what’s happening, the other half I’m relying mostly on the text to figure out what is happening. Sometimes items/shots are also so cut off that it’s hard to tell what’s happening in the unless you continue reading and then go back looking at that scene again. For example, that scene where the knife first appeared, I couldn’t tell it was a knife due to lack of details of the knife that makes it hard to identify it as a blade, and because it was a half shot without handles or anything.

I think this extends to the paneling in general. Good paneling can be used to put emphasis on an important scene or to convey emotion. In the case of this work, a lot of the scenes (such as that random guy doing whatever with the knife), are overcrowded and some panels where something important is going on is just really small and unremarkable, whereas one with less importance is often bigger and more eye catching. I know this could be partially because some scenes take more time to draw than others, thus the less space they take the less effort you need to put into it. But honestly, a lot of those city and background shots can be cut off as they feel more like fillers at times, even if it’s really tempting to use them as manga filter on stock image is quicker than drawing. Remember, it’s less about quantity than it is about quality(and quality is not dependant on how detailed the picture is how well it fits the goal of telling your story). It’s good to not overcrowd the pages too. Sometimes it’s ok to have blank panels for just one important thought. Other times, the clever use of negative space (empty spaces) actually makes a scene much more compelling and impactful.

Anyway, just an honest opinion; I am by no means a professional.
Props to you for making a manga, that takes a lot of work and dedication. Good luck on your projects ?

 

[uhuh]

@Keimichi Great advice, even though it was not for me.

 

[Hasya]

like the art
keep up the good work @darknblack33

 

[Licht_Silver]

[Licht Silver]
: Okay! after being in hiatus for a few months Liel Sen was making a one shot for a different story which is also an amazing work[which I also enjoyed greatly in helping ], and now were back in the game!

the first thing we are doing are updating the current chapters that we've uploaded before
releasing the new ones will come right after!! so expect more amazing work from us from now and up to the future!!!
and of course wait for the huge announcement once August is near !!!!

so stay tuned and help us out!!!!!