Shima Shima - Vol. 5 Ch. 38 - Version 2
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Either the chapter is weird or the translation is off. I have no idea what anyone was talking about
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@eatgoddamnshit its been like this for quite a while now... I just want to read the ending some day, so i'm cool with it kk'
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Same @eatgoddamnshit
I didn't know how to put it into words lol. Ever since it changed to Korean scans it's been very confusing. Translating Korean seems tough.
Dayment scans is doing a good job though ( I think) thanks.
I didn't know how to put it into words lol. Ever since it changed to Korean scans it's been very confusing. Translating Korean seems tough.
Dayment scans is doing a good job though ( I think) thanks.
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Thank you so much for the fast work on this series
@Eolair @eatgoddamnshit Don't expect quality releases from Dayment lol. My group did a joint with them and their translations were a nightmare to PR. Most of Dayment's own PRs seem to only correct grammar (and they often don't even get that right...) without any regard for making dialogue flow well and sound natural.
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I read this series when it was published in my country, and even then the dialogue can sound vague/confusing sometimes, and it was done by professional translator, too. I'm guessing translating JP>KR>ENG would make it even more vague.
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So like, I know it's a Japanese "family important" thing, but I still have to ask--what the fuck does he need to talk to his asshole brother about?
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Right there with you @purplelibraryguy. I can't tell if Gai thinks he has to convince his brother to go back to Shio "for Shio's happiness", or to tell his brother that Gai's going to propose to his brother's ex-wife and his brother is moron, or to tell his brother to pay whatever Japan's rules on alimony are so Shio doesn't need Striped Sheep to support her shop, or to tell his brother to go inherit Dad's business so Gai & Shio will be left alone by the psycho Mom. Maybe he wants to hire Hibiki to remove Ran... Or hey! Maybe he wants Hibiki to take Ran's place in Sheep!
Meanwhile I'm floating in Second Guy Hell even though the end game appears obvious. I've never understood the desire to Take Care Of A Cute Younger Guy While He's Secretly Taking Care Of Me In Reality. I prefer the one that is straightforward about his feelings, and working hard to support his family. Does this author ever subvert expectations?
Meanwhile I'm floating in Second Guy Hell even though the end game appears obvious. I've never understood the desire to Take Care Of A Cute Younger Guy While He's Secretly Taking Care Of Me In Reality. I prefer the one that is straightforward about his feelings, and working hard to support his family. Does this author ever subvert expectations?
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@huiyin, @Eolair, @Eatgoddamsushi, @nogenem, @betelgeuse, @ayatome:
I am the proofreader and new to this. I appreciate all the feedback and I apologize in advance for any confusion. I would like very much to have more details so that I can improve the quality of the work. I work hard to make the dialog sound more natural, but I recognize that there is always room for improvement. I too, would not appreciate characters sounding like robots. I understand that the chapter can sound vague. Once again, if you can give me detailed feedback, I would greatly appreciate it.
I am the proofreader and new to this. I appreciate all the feedback and I apologize in advance for any confusion. I would like very much to have more details so that I can improve the quality of the work. I work hard to make the dialog sound more natural, but I recognize that there is always room for improvement. I too, would not appreciate characters sounding like robots. I understand that the chapter can sound vague. Once again, if you can give me detailed feedback, I would greatly appreciate it.
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@ksitt There are a lot of factor to consider before giving feedback, and you guys are also translating JP>KR>EN so that complicates things. I only know how translating from JP works and not proofreading, so take this feedback with a grain of salt.
To me, the dialog in this series sometimes doesn't sound natural. They speak too formally when the situation they're in are often casual. The usage of "You are so cute" instead of "You're so cute" and "I am okay" instead of "I'm okay", as an example, makes the sentence sounds more stiff than it should. You should also consider an English-equivalent expression in certain situations. For example, Ran saying "It became cold." isn't something people in real situation would say. I think "It's getting cold" or "It's colder lately" would be more appropriate, since that's the expression people use in a similar situation in English. It also helps to consider the character's background (their age, their mannerism, etc) and how to portray what they say in English without ruining the original intent of it.
I can't say much since I just started learning how to translate properly from a professional so I'm just repeating what my prof said but hopefully it helped. Good luck! Scanlating is a tough job, and I can imagine this series isn't an easy one.
To me, the dialog in this series sometimes doesn't sound natural. They speak too formally when the situation they're in are often casual. The usage of "You are so cute" instead of "You're so cute" and "I am okay" instead of "I'm okay", as an example, makes the sentence sounds more stiff than it should. You should also consider an English-equivalent expression in certain situations. For example, Ran saying "It became cold." isn't something people in real situation would say. I think "It's getting cold" or "It's colder lately" would be more appropriate, since that's the expression people use in a similar situation in English. It also helps to consider the character's background (their age, their mannerism, etc) and how to portray what they say in English without ruining the original intent of it.
I can't say much since I just started learning how to translate properly from a professional so I'm just repeating what my prof said but hopefully it helped. Good luck! Scanlating is a tough job, and I can imagine this series isn't an easy one.
@ksitt Are you looking at the raws while you're proofreading? It's important to line up what you're proofreading with the raws so you can look at what's going on and ask questions when something doesn't really make sense with what you're seeing. For example, in chapter 45, on page 9, he says, "She has a job." This seems really random to bring up in the context of what's happening. I would definitely be asking the translator about that line. And I also see problems that you should be catching even without looking at the raws. For example, chapter 31, page 21:
"Do you contact my son, Gai?" ... "Are you?"
That progression makes no sense. It should be "Are you in contact with my son, Gai?" ... "Are you?"
It's important to be paying attention to the overall conversation and not just individual sentences.
From your replies, you're clearly a native or very fluent English speaker, so creating a good script should definitely be possible. Besides correcting grammar, making sure that the text is natural and that the conversation flows properly is paramount to making sure that you get a good end product. I find that it's helpful to think of how I or people I know would say something if we were having that conversation. Here are a few lines from chapter 45 and how I would have changed them for comparison:
"Sorry, did you wait for long?" --> "Sorry, did you wait long?" (often just removing words that aren't necessary can help make things sound more natural)
"I want you to listen to something for a moment!" --> "I want you to hear me out!" (using colloquialisms like "hear me out" is also a good way to make things sound natural)
"I am worried about an older woman." --> "I'm worried about an older woman" or "There's this older woman I'm worried about." (Just sounds more natural. Use contractions more often. There are times where a contraction isn't the right choice, but for the most part, people are lazy when they talk and they're going to use contractions).
"I thought that you might understand her heart." --> "I thought that you might understand how she feels." (Think about the probability of someone saying the first line and the probability of someone saying the second line. Again, imagining how people you know would say something can be very helpful when making a believable dialogue script.)
"Do you want breakfast? I can make it right away." --> "Want breakfast? I can whip something up right now." (Another example of dropping words and using colloquialisms to sound more natural.)
Hopefully, those examples help. I would honestly probably change most of the script. Of course, you shouldn't go overboard. Characters' personalities should definitely be taken into account.
Also, you should be mindful of correct punctuation and capitalization. For example, in chapter 45, page 7, "If it's her, She can definitely give me good advice!" "She" should not be capitalized here. The "She can..." is in a separate bubble, but it's still all one sentence and should follow normal rules of English. On page 11, you have "That is," but the comma should be an ellipsis because she trails off and doesn't finish this sentence (again, this is why it's important to look at the raws while proofing and to pay attention to the overall conversation.)
And slow down. You're not going to get a quality script by pumping them out like a machine. I've noticed that Dayment seems to really push fast releases over quality ones. Make sure to read your script over more than once. I usually go through a script anywhere between 4-5 times before I'm done with it. For example, now that I look at it again, I would definitely not stick with "I want you to hear me out!" since that also usually implies that the other party doesn't want to listen, which isn't the case here. So, I'd probably mull over that one for a day or two and would change it to something more appropriate on my second or third pass of the script.
For something more comprehensive, here's a pretty decent page on proofreading:
http://dpscanlations.deathsvertigo.com/join-us-proofreading/
"Do you contact my son, Gai?" ... "Are you?"
That progression makes no sense. It should be "Are you in contact with my son, Gai?" ... "Are you?"
It's important to be paying attention to the overall conversation and not just individual sentences.
From your replies, you're clearly a native or very fluent English speaker, so creating a good script should definitely be possible. Besides correcting grammar, making sure that the text is natural and that the conversation flows properly is paramount to making sure that you get a good end product. I find that it's helpful to think of how I or people I know would say something if we were having that conversation. Here are a few lines from chapter 45 and how I would have changed them for comparison:
"Sorry, did you wait for long?" --> "Sorry, did you wait long?" (often just removing words that aren't necessary can help make things sound more natural)
"I want you to listen to something for a moment!" --> "I want you to hear me out!" (using colloquialisms like "hear me out" is also a good way to make things sound natural)
"I am worried about an older woman." --> "I'm worried about an older woman" or "There's this older woman I'm worried about." (Just sounds more natural. Use contractions more often. There are times where a contraction isn't the right choice, but for the most part, people are lazy when they talk and they're going to use contractions).
"I thought that you might understand her heart." --> "I thought that you might understand how she feels." (Think about the probability of someone saying the first line and the probability of someone saying the second line. Again, imagining how people you know would say something can be very helpful when making a believable dialogue script.)
"Do you want breakfast? I can make it right away." --> "Want breakfast? I can whip something up right now." (Another example of dropping words and using colloquialisms to sound more natural.)
Hopefully, those examples help. I would honestly probably change most of the script. Of course, you shouldn't go overboard. Characters' personalities should definitely be taken into account.
Also, you should be mindful of correct punctuation and capitalization. For example, in chapter 45, page 7, "If it's her, She can definitely give me good advice!" "She" should not be capitalized here. The "She can..." is in a separate bubble, but it's still all one sentence and should follow normal rules of English. On page 11, you have "That is," but the comma should be an ellipsis because she trails off and doesn't finish this sentence (again, this is why it's important to look at the raws while proofing and to pay attention to the overall conversation.)
And slow down. You're not going to get a quality script by pumping them out like a machine. I've noticed that Dayment seems to really push fast releases over quality ones. Make sure to read your script over more than once. I usually go through a script anywhere between 4-5 times before I'm done with it. For example, now that I look at it again, I would definitely not stick with "I want you to hear me out!" since that also usually implies that the other party doesn't want to listen, which isn't the case here. So, I'd probably mull over that one for a day or two and would change it to something more appropriate on my second or third pass of the script.
For something more comprehensive, here's a pretty decent page on proofreading:
http://dpscanlations.deathsvertigo.com/join-us-proofreading/
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