Shinya Shokudou - Vol. 4 Ch. 47 - The Pinky
- Thread starter MangaDex
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Like father, like son. No doubt.
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I'm glad they reconciled.
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>my sons girlfriend
Lol. Thanks for the chapter!
Lol. Thanks for the chapter!
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his son didn't fucking hold back lmao
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...
Grammar tho
Grammar tho
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@Turtle50UP Thanks for your feedback, any suggestion so I can improve?
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@I_Do_Cooking_Manga
Page 1: flow between dialogue in bottom two panels is a bit clunky sounding. Needs a little rephrasing for flow.
Page 2: panel 1, “some said only gay people showing off their pinky, and he is one, but I don’t think so” sounds terribly like machine translation. Middle “he is one” is vague; is he one who shows off his pinky, or is he gay?
If I understand the sentiment, it in essence should be “some say only gay people show off their pinkies. He does it, but I don’t think he’s gay” or “He does it, but I don’t think he is” if you want to chance readers getting the pattern.
Page 3: the girl he brought today “was” terrible. I mean, it could be a quirk of his speech, but chronologically was would work better.
Page 4: to be with you it feels calm, you know. Read without the ellipsis makes it feel fragmented. Rephrased like “it feels... calm, being with you, you know?” Makes it feel more natural. Although again depends on raws
Page I lost count: please, if you couples gonna fight, please don’t do it here. Can’t tell if it’s a tone translation from dialogue, but replacing couples with something like you two, it feels less awkward
Admittedly, the biggest thing which really threw me off was page 2’s grammar issue. It really confuses me on what is meant by that text block; the “he is one” is too ambiguous. Rest is more time/subjective, but still might be something to consider.
Page 1: flow between dialogue in bottom two panels is a bit clunky sounding. Needs a little rephrasing for flow.
Page 2: panel 1, “some said only gay people showing off their pinky, and he is one, but I don’t think so” sounds terribly like machine translation. Middle “he is one” is vague; is he one who shows off his pinky, or is he gay?
If I understand the sentiment, it in essence should be “some say only gay people show off their pinkies. He does it, but I don’t think he’s gay” or “He does it, but I don’t think he is” if you want to chance readers getting the pattern.
Page 3: the girl he brought today “was” terrible. I mean, it could be a quirk of his speech, but chronologically was would work better.
Page 4: to be with you it feels calm, you know. Read without the ellipsis makes it feel fragmented. Rephrased like “it feels... calm, being with you, you know?” Makes it feel more natural. Although again depends on raws
Page I lost count: please, if you couples gonna fight, please don’t do it here. Can’t tell if it’s a tone translation from dialogue, but replacing couples with something like you two, it feels less awkward
Admittedly, the biggest thing which really threw me off was page 2’s grammar issue. It really confuses me on what is meant by that text block; the “he is one” is too ambiguous. Rest is more time/subjective, but still might be something to consider.
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@Turtle50UP Thank you, I will fix those when I have time.
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