Going to be honest with you, thats not what shes self-loathing over, but if thats the thing you thought you read (despite it being pretty clear its not), sure.
what i understood it as is that shes saying that shes broken because she was utilizing her friend's romance stories to feed into her fantasies when she masturbates despite the fact she has no actual romantic or sexual attraction to her friends, but because she has no access to the internet to relieve her desires to, she only can only imagine fucking her friends as thats whos shes closest to.
Ah shit...
I see now and my bad. That makes a little more sense to me, thank you very much! I think what got me is the whole "I don't want to fuck my friends in person but have sexual fantasies of them in private" thing. Like, I didn't really get how that was something to self-loathe over at first, but I wasn't looking at it from
her perspective and in that context. Specifically of (if I read correctly?)
not wanting to have such questionable fantasies such as being a giga genetic-defect manlet with rage and having sex with one of her friends. I took things too literally, and thought that she was upset that she was having these fantasies
only in private instead of in the presence of her friends when that doesn't seem to be the case now. Although, with this newfound clarity in mind I'm still a bit confused in the direction this is going, not a bad thing I suppose! Can't wait for the next chapter.
