I retired as a translator already, so I don't feel like spending time on constructive criticism. More so when in this case the problem spans the entire chapter and is not something as simple as bad grammar. In fact, it's exactly because it's generally good that the weirdness stands out even more.
Like I said, it's slightly off the whole way through. I thought more people would pick up on it, but I guess we're just conditioned to fixing bad translations automatically in our minds. I know I myself do this all the time.
If you don't feel like spending time on constructive criticism then why bother spending time on unproductive criticism? Seems like even less of a gain. "Feels off" is a meandering quality and I bet if you just read it dilligently enough you'd be able to spot the place where it feels EXTREMELY off and use that as an example.
Also bear in mind: I agree with you - it does feel off at times. Some rare sentences don't connect quite seamlessly with the rest of the dialogue. Some structures are built in an archaic, counterintuitive way - like it was constructed by someone who has a distinctly OTHER way of building sentences than normal good ol' boys of 'Murica. All this I EXPECT FROM A FAN TRANSLATION.
This is not a Chinese High-Quality Wuxia (yes, those do exist... sometimes), it doesn't need to go the extra mile to build its style from the trappings of Chinese sophistry. Neither is it an overbearingly word-heavy Japanese cultural deep-dive. Hence it won't get the same effort and attention that would be necessary for works of such caliber. We tend to overestimate the "maturity" of this manga because of the stellar character work and a believable picture of a resocialized sociopath. But the fact of the matter is - it is simply a josei response to all the cringeworthy tryhard seinen edgelords. It's not that groundbreaking if you catch my drift.
So as long as it delivers coherent sentences and doesn't botch the original work - I'm fine with the slight jank here and there and the blurring of minute details that comes with refurbishing anything - especially a story.