Zako Skill To Tsuiho Sareta Kami Zukai, Shin No Chikara Ga Kakusei Shi Sekai Saikyo Ni Sekai De Boku Dake Unique Skill Wo 2 Tsu Mottetanode Shin No N…

[MangaDex]

 

[Kortez]

"Not sure what happened, but if you did something to make him abandon humanity then we're all screwed."


Hey miss nun. I think you need to have a seat, you're gonna want to listen to this....

 

[erellisae]

"We're working hard on translating, editing, and bringing you manga releases as cleanly and quickly as we can."

I realize you're a new group and you want to establish yourself, but I think you're pushing releases out too fast. There's no need to fling chapters out the door like it's a race. Taking some time to properly proofread will make your releases a lot better.

--

Panel-by-panel pass

1.1 - 'want to show (them)' -> "You want to show (them)?"
1.2 - 'Yakumo-kun' -> this stands out because you drop the honorifics for several pages. Either consistently keep them or don't imo
1.3 - 'was almine is a leader of a party?' -> grammar error
2.1 - 'yakumo fits the bill' 'condition?' -> he's asking what she means by that, so it should be consistent. 'the bill?'
2.2 - 'first, the strong, and more importantly, trust' -> scans terribly in english. 'first, you're strong. More importantly, I trust you'
2.3 - 'yakumo saved me even though you might die' -> indicative of other 'you' problems, see below
2.5 - you've got the thrust of this but it's still very stiff. at the very least she's referencing other people not wanting to help, so I'd make the second bubble something like 'but that can't be helped when it's their lives at stake'
3.3 - 'my goal is accompanied by achievements at parties and earned the right to enter...' -> just a mess. 'my goal is to accomplish enough as a party that we earn the right to enter...'
4-6 - Great! Honestly feels quite different to the rest of the chapter.
7.5 - 'I wonder if it's a donation to the orphanage. I grew up in an orphanage' - 'I wonder... maybe a donation to the orphanage I grew up in.' - 'I wonder if it's' is roughly the literal japanese but isn't something you'd really say in english
8.2 - 'we make a lot of money' 'makes a lot of money' -> like 2.1, he's parroting what she's saying back to her to show he's following along. this isn't something you really do in english and it sounds strange when it's something this long. at the very least the initial 'makes' makes it sound stiff. Even something like 'we make a lot of money' 'A lot of money, huh...' sounds better.
9.1 - 'I'm going to take on a lot of dangerous requests from now on, so my defences must be raised' - I'm sure she is, but she's talking about him.
9.1 - 'Armine's going to make my clothes?' - you changed her name! Is it almine or armine?

Major points

Pronouns
A regular problem across all the chapters so far is that you're mixing up 'I' and 'you'. Context is important and you're going to have to look at what's going on in a panel and the panels around it to figure out which it should be. 9.1 is a clear case of this - she's talking about measuring him, so she's going to make him armor, so it should be 'you' rather than 'I'. You also have a habit of not adding 'you' when it would make lines scan a lot better e.g. 1.1, 2.2

Stiffness
I think you're being a bit too literal in your translation and it leads to a lot of lines feeling very stiff. The main character's habit of parroting what's just been said is usually used in Japanese as a way to let a conversation keep flowing, but you have to be a bit careful in English 'cause if you do that with long sentences it sounds a bit strange (8.2). How you want to handle this is a style issue and a matter of preference - I personally feel it's best to soften these a little.

'First, the strong' is a line that really blends both of these problems together. The translation is overly literal and doesn't take into account the context that it's being said in - Almine/Armine is talking about why she's willing to let Yakumo join the party. In Japanese this means she can safely drop all the pronouns and just say 'strong' but English doesn't work that way and you need to at least make it 'your strength'.

--

Thank you for the translation - honestly, I mean that - and please don't take this as a personal attack or anything. I just see a lot of new (and old!!) groups hammer releases out the door like it's a race, when an extra hour of proofreading would make their chapters read and feel so much better.

 

[ScryedParadox]

I understand that this is an attempt at world building, but my brain kinda just stopped caring.

Especially since I suspect that her alchemy is going to ultimately be outclassed by his paper mastery which will clearly double as not just unlimited blade works but also as all sorts of alternate sorcery which again will just outclass whatever alchemy she wants to do.

Also unsurprisingly, the team is an all female team to make sure there are no competing male characters and he will get his harem done relatively quickly... How long until he makes a gun out of paper?

I also noticed just through quickly speed reading that there were some oddities with the translation here and there. But someone seems to have already pointed out those issues.

 

[Junomano]

"We're working hard on translating, editing, and bringing you manga releases as cleanly and quickly as we can."

I realize you're a new group and you want to establish yourself, but I think you're pushing releases out too fast. There's no need to fling chapters out the door like it's a race. Taking some time to properly proofread will make your releases a lot better.

--

Panel-by-panel pass

1.1 - 'want to show (them)' -> "You want to show (them)?"
1.2 - 'Yakumo-kun' -> this stands out because you drop the honorifics for several pages. Either consistently keep them or don't imo
1.3 - 'was almine is a leader of a party?' -> grammar error
2.1 - 'yakumo fits the bill' 'condition?' -> he's asking what she means by that, so it should be consistent. 'the bill?'
2.2 - 'first, the strong, and more importantly, trust' -> scans terribly in english. 'first, you're strong. More importantly, I trust you'
2.3 - 'yakumo saved me even though you might die' -> indicative of other 'you' problems, see below
2.5 - you've got the thrust of this but it's still very stiff. at the very least she's referencing other people not wanting to help, so I'd make the second bubble something like 'but that can't be helped when it's their lives at stake'
3.3 - 'my goal is accompanied by achievements at parties and earned the right to enter...' -> just a mess. 'my goal is to accomplish enough as a party that we earn the right to enter...'
4-6 - Great! Honestly feels quite different to the rest of the chapter.
7.5 - 'I wonder if it's a donation to the orphanage. I grew up in an orphanage' - 'I wonder... maybe a donation to the orphanage I grew up in.' - 'I wonder if it's' is roughly the literal japanese but isn't something you'd really say in english
8.2 - 'we make a lot of money' 'makes a lot of money' -> like 2.1, he's parroting what she's saying back to her to show he's following along. this isn't something you really do in english and it sounds strange when it's something this long. at the very least the initial 'makes' makes it sound stiff. Even something like 'we make a lot of money' 'A lot of money, huh...' sounds better.
9.1 - 'I'm going to take on a lot of dangerous requests from now on, so my defences must be raised' - I'm sure she is, but she's talking about him.
9.1 - 'Armine's going to make my clothes?' - you changed her name! Is it almine or armine?

Major points

Pronouns
A regular problem across all the chapters so far is that you're mixing up 'I' and 'you'. Context is important and you're going to have to look at what's going on in a panel and the panels around it to figure out which it should be. 9.1 is a clear case of this - she's talking about measuring him, so she's going to make him armor, so it should be 'you' rather than 'I'. You also have a habit of not adding 'you' when it would make lines scan a lot better e.g. 1.1, 2.2

Stiffness
I think you're being a bit too literal in your translation and it leads to a lot of lines feeling very stiff. The main character's habit of parroting what's just been said is usually used in Japanese as a way to let a conversation keep flowing, but you have to be a bit careful in English 'cause if you do that with long sentences it sounds a bit strange (8.2). How you want to handle this is a style issue and a matter of preference - I personally feel it's best to soften these a little.

'First, the strong' is a line that really blends both of these problems together. The translation is overly literal and doesn't take into account the context that it's being said in - Almine/Armine is talking about why she's willing to let Yakumo join the party. In Japanese this means she can safely drop all the pronouns and just say 'strong' but English doesn't work that way and you need to at least make it 'your strength'.

--

Thank you for the translation - honestly, I mean that - and please don't take this as a personal attack or anything. I just see a lot of new (and old!!) groups hammer releases out the door like it's a race, when an extra hour of proofreading would make their chapters read and feel so much better.

wow ty for the detailed pointers, i talked on previous chapters but was just brief, i'm not that good at teaching

 

[Chizan]

...I'm still waiting for an explanation why the description says 'elf'?