"Zako Skill" to Tsuihou Sareta Kami Tsukai, Shin no Chikara ga Kakuseishi Sekai Saikyou ni ~Sekai de Boku Dake Unique Skill wo Futatsu Motteta node S…
- Thread starter MangaDex
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Dex-chan lover
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- Nov 25, 2020
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Shark teeth loli is introduced into the harem.
And she immediately gets stripped/attacked by goblins.
Ok.
And she immediately gets stripped/attacked by goblins.
Ok.
I definitely think this chapter has improved a whole lot in general, good job! The English flows more naturally and isn't stiff and I couldn't really find anything to critique there, and your I's and you's feel a ton better. (Pirun is a special case, I'm assuming she just talks in the third person because she's a baby so she's excused.)
2.1 - 'I told her I'd introduce you to Yakumo-kun' - this is one of the things I referenced last chapter. The English, as a sentence on its own, is grammatically correct. The trouble is that she's talking to Yakumo, so she's clearly not going to introduce Yakumo to another character named Yakumo, so you have to watch out for pronouns and make sure the sentence makes sense in context. 'I told her I'd introduce you to her' or, more simply, 'I told her I'd introduce you' because the 'to her' is implied anyway.
3.3 - 'you should remember this' - if we're being super strict that should be 'you should remember that' but pirun is a baby and it's an over the top declaration. It's fine, I just flagged it because english is a trash fire
4.2 - 'alumiine' 9.2 - 'armine' - You definitely need to pick a name and stick to it, though, that's pretty jarring.
the unholy love child of fire emblem engage and genshin
Dex-chan lover
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I suppose that last page proves that "he'll" was a pronoun error. Please don't tell me it is the case of her somehow mistaking the gender at first that occasionally occurs
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