Damn
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Damn
My python project got deleted
yes it was only 34 lines but it took 3 to 4 hours to optimise and research
And the auto save thing didnt work for some reason
At least I can go to the garden and relax reading some manga anddddd The Neighbors are fighting again
shit
7 profile posts in a row. I think you set a record, bro! 🤣 (Take a deep breath!)
I'm scared... Why did you suddenly follow me?
I have not felt this relieved in my life
I have so much I want to say bu I dont have the word fo it and honestly I am not the best storyteller I left out a lot of things like how all of this truly began maybe in the future If I feel like it I will post about it any way thank you truly for reading this
I think I will start to use this to vent from time to time
(7/7)
But with the vocation ending and school starting all the things that I thought let go of came back to me and hit me like a train I couldn't keep it up for longer especially because I understood why I felt this why and needed healthier alternatives than what I was doing before so I talked with mom
After it it felt weird I always was stressed and felt heavy in my chest so stressed that I can hear and feel my heart pump
And I always had a headache in the past I thought they was somthing wrong with my body but it was always stress
(6/7)
I started asking myself why am I like this how did this happen I was so much better then this this summer
I stopped trying to make avery thing work in one big step and started traying to fix one thing at a time without caring how long it took just a month ago I fixed my sleep and I started going out more and finally stopped my very very bad habits even completed my first python program that I was procrastinating on for so many years its simple but it's a start
(5/7)
when a vacation comes I try to forget avery thing and just enjoy my time and maybe better my self but I was never able to truly forget just keeping it deep inside me and just kept scrolling on my phone not sleeping and procrastinating
in the first year of high school I reached my new lowest just didnt study at all didnt sleep and couldn't constraint at all in class like if you asked me what I did today I will tell you I dont know
(4/7)
my self confidence and image plomted compliments started to hurt and I started thinking if I always expect the worst it wouldn't hurt when I dont do good (in school) I turned to my phone (and other vary vary bad habits)to try and fill my head to not think about those things any more but that was only runing away and it impacted me negatively because my grades kept going down and that made me run to my phone more it turned into an addiction
(3/7)
Do you know that feeling of wanting to cry trying to cry but you cant to the degree of believing you forgot how to do it
To tell you honestly I didn't know what was wrong with me like I know what I am doing wrong but dont know why am doing it I just kept declining mentally
I kept comparing my self to others never happy with anything I do and being a perfectionist didnt help I started to forget about what have I achieved and looking only at my worst
(2/7)
I have been reluctant to share this or to not too because I feel that I will regret it but I decide that I will
Today I finally got the courage to talk to my mom about how I was feeling and experiencing for the past 5 or 4 years I never thought that I will ever do it I was ashamed of my self and lost maybe even scared but here I am I couldn't keep ignoring it it just kept growing and hurting more and more
Its hard to convey feelings through words no one teached me how to do it
(1/7)
First day of school
Met my two real life friends sense 3 months
But they put us in different classes
the government put like new laws that stop the teachers and the students from using the phone even in reeses not that it will stop anyone
I thought they were gonna make us stay for only two hours but nooo they made us stay the all day but not for me because I only study for the morning this day but I nearly forgot if not for my friends saying
"Wait dont you not study this afternoon"
At least I hade a good lunch a in the cafeteria before going home
My neurologist said my sickness (I wont elaborate not now) regressed a bit and I will need to be put on medication again
I dont like that medicine the side effects
Are not good
And it Makes me doubt my self alot like I dont know if the weird thing I am feeling in my body is because of it or it's my mind playing tricks on me
How old do all of you think I am?
I dont want to go back to school
it was hard getting close to them but eventually they started to come to me themselves
I still have that feeling of discomfort and weirdness in my skin after contact but waching it with water makes it stop
Its very healing but
damn I wrote A Lot
Thx for reading if you did
2/2
I think am getting over my disgust? And discomfort of animals (and humans)
I still cant get near any farm animals but I have been able to touch some cats that come to my backyard honestly the first time felt VERY weird like I thought they will be soft from what I see in the internet but that was a little stupid of me they are made of muscle not cotton candy but you get used to it they are very cute creatures
1/2
I have a question for all of you what ruins a manga or anime for you like you were enjoying it and the thing makes you not enjoy it
Am depressed
Wth is this new comments thing and only supporters can do it....
I fell like this is the start of a bad thing and I hope am wrong -
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