I think you need to work a lot on the English grammar.
It feels like every line is written in a vacuum, like there's no connection between one sentence and the next.
Most of it is understandable, but literally nobody would speak like that.
An example is when Norn says this: "When I saw it in a carriage, I felt it was different from my memory. I got a point when I saw that shit and what you are now."
1. The first sentence uses "it" multiple times but never establishes what "it" actually refers to.
Is she talking about him? Or his face? Or his dick? Could be either of them.
You have to write it out or it doesn't make sense in English. You can't be as vague as you can be in Japanese, otherwise it's going to be impossible to understand.
2. "A carriage" also doesn't make sense. It should be "the carriage" as she's talking specifically about the carriage that they rode in together.
3. You can say "different from my memory" in English, but it sounds unnatural. A native speaker would say "different from what I remember".
4. I really don't understand what the last sentence is trying to say. It makes no sense. I had to look at the raws to understand this.
The whole thing reads like google translate script without proofreading.
A better translation of the sentence would be: "When I saw you in the carriage, I had a feeling that something was off... but now that you're showing your shitty face, I get it."