Still feels stilted, English isn't my mother tongue but I'll give it a shot
refer to page 13
"Thanks you", you should either use "Thanks" or "Thank you", don't mix them together like that
"Isn't it something else?", should be something more along the lines of "is that it?"
"If it's about money, I will play you because you have made this for me", oh man, just get a proof reader please