Here ''''''' some punctuation. You need it for all the conjunctions lacking them. Also read some lines out loud. There are a few tence errors, come vs came etc. Missing commas too "no, no, words".
Hard to read lines, give some upscalers a go and adjust levels and a few sharpen tools a try to bring up the contrast. there is a tool from Topaz think the right one is clean, that works in photoshop psp7 and I think gimp.
Upscale in factors of whole. EG master is 300pix wide go in steps of wholes, 300 to 600 to 900 to 1200 etc. Topaz can then clean or blend the jaggies and do more than unsharp to jump the contrast. Keep in mind that if you increase unevenly it can damage the information you are attempting to squeeze out of the limited pixels.
Typesetting, seen worse from people who have done it for years. I do suggest grouping test better.
It's a
crime to
be so
smart and
hansome
At the
same time!
Also try to breakk up long speach in a bubble, like when a person would naturaly pause. Expecially when there is room for it. Forngeneral text, stick to one font, only break this if the japanese raw changes the font. General rule is like design color, do things in three's. 1 font for spoken 1 for thought 1 for exclamation. SFX does not count. Also stick to extreamly legable fonts. Seen a lot of newer groups (well anything not older than 5to10yrs) using some really poor fonts or making them way too small where it is barely readable because there are not enough pixels. Some of you ed notes come close. As mentioned keep ed notes down best to * the word with a number and place it in a postscript notes page.
Anyhow have fun and thanks for the work and I hope some of this is helpful.
Ex-editor/retoucher, pretty much taking raws and putting messy translation into the bubbles.