Bocchi the Rock! Gaiden: Hiroi Kikuri no Fukazake Nikki - Ch. 13 - Chapter 13

[tsukiakari2216]

Tsukiakari's comment about Japanese culture is a legitimate criticism. That would make a translation bad. You mention name order though but it isn't uniform in your translation. You have 'Shimizu Eliza' and 'Hiroi Kikuri'. Is that just a typo or are you trying to signify the formality of it? All of Brole's criticisms are a matter of taste and are definitely not necessary edits. I used one fragmented sentence to give the line a more casual, conversational feel. You should be allowed to do this in writing. It is also definitely 'on top form'. You are probably not a native speaker... I'm not trying to be rude, but almost all of your criticisms are redundant. Also, I mentioned that I was an English Literature graduate to refute comments of it being an 'unreadable' translation.

You're really out of touch here. All arguments here are valid arguments. I don't need to continue more about that because you wouldn't listen.

Your so-called refutation is rubbish. Enough said. You bring your so-called "English Literature Graduate" title to shame with your theoretical argument and defense without any actual substance to prove.

Yes. We don't have an English Literature Graduate title like you, but do we need to brag about whoever we are here? No, because we are here as anons of the Internet. I don't care if you have an English Literature Degree or even a PhD, if your attitude and your work show otherwise then we have the right to put your title to rubbish. Graduates with skill issues are common across the globe, and I'm convinced you are one of them.

Yes. YOUR TRANSLATION IS UNREADABLE - REGARDLESS OF WHO YOU ARE - BECAUSE YOUR WORK SAYS OTHERWISE. Bring that point again and I and the others will just consider you as an elementary school kid because you don't have the comprehension skills of a university student.

That's it. That's my word. Continue to produce your fan fic here as you wish, and we will always condemn you for that.

 

[harmonixxxx]

You say I’m being theoretical but other than the naming convention comment, you also haven’t given specific evidence of where I’ve misunderstood Japanese culture.

If you want me to give sources from the internet I can do.

on top form​

phrase UK (US in top form)
Add to word list
feeling or doing things as well as possible:
Paul's back on top form after his illness.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/di...ng or doing things as,singer back on top form.

Remember not everyone is super articulate and well-spoken.
Although it’s a lot of fun writing a character who always knows the right comeback, and has all the inspirational quote-able moments of the film, we’re not all like that. In fact, most of us aren’t. I know I spend far too much time going over what I should have said, or what I would say if so-and-so happened, but when it comes to it I’m an inarticulate mess if put on the spot. The majority of people don’t say everything perfectly first time, so don’t make all your characters’ dialogue perfect.

https://thoughtsoflorelei.wordpress.com/2015/11/05/screenwriting-101-writing-dialogue/

So that’s what I meant when I said you should be able to miss out the odd word if you’re trying to make it conversational.

How many commas is too many?

When they're incorrectly used. There are four principal uses for a comma –

As a listing comma in replace of words such as and, or etc.

As a joining comma in joining two sentences together with and, or etc.

As a gapping comma to show that words have been removed instead of repeated.

As a bracketing (or isolating) comma to mark off a weak interruption of the sentence so the sentence flows more smoothly.

It's worth taking time to understand how these four main comma uses are used and in doing so it will help you remove all the unnecessary or incorrectly used ones.

https://writing.stackexchange.com/q...n example of,looks like an subordinate clause.

The instances where Brole says I need to use commas could be used, but they’re not necessary. To use too many commas would break those sentences up too much.

When you referred to the translation as unreadable I thought you meant it was incomprehensible but you seem to mean that it’s just unenjoyable to read. That’s personal preference and fair enough.

You might say these are just a few sources from the internet but if you don’t trust me just look further into it… These aren’t opinions of mine. They are widely known.

This could go on for days and I’m not particularly interested in doing that so I’m not going to come back to this thread again and again. I saw something interesting I thought I’d leave you all with. Jimihensasshole, who posted a couple of translations of Bocchi the Rock, is a part of Unrelated. Their translations were absolutely hated. I guess the Unrelated translations are a third shit then hah. It’s almost like having double standards or shows that you all don’t really know what you like or dislike… It wouldn’t be surprising if Detective Ame was a part of it using a different name haha.

 

[FoxOnPie]

Pulling up all the technicalities of grammar does nothing to change how poorly scanned the chapter is. On a technical level, the quality of the images is bad and a lot of the Japanese is either edited out incredibly poorly or just blatantly left in, and even in instances where the translation is technically correct, of which there are few compared to the other translation, it's almost always written awkwardly and does nothing to add life to the characters' voices. Instead of harping on about how your work is fine on a technical level, try understanding that a translation needs to do more than just technically correct to be good.

And maybe at least try to own up to blatant sniping.

 

[tsukiakari2216]

You say I’m being theoretical but other than the naming convention comment, you also haven’t given specific evidence of where I’ve misunderstood Japanese culture.

If you want me to give sources from the internet I can do.

on top form​

phrase UK (US in top form)
Add to word list
feeling or doing things as well as possible:
Paul's back on top form after his illness.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/on-top-form#:~:text=feeling or doing things as,singer back on top form.

Remember not everyone is super articulate and well-spoken.
Although it’s a lot of fun writing a character who always knows the right comeback, and has all the inspirational quote-able moments of the film, we’re not all like that. In fact, most of us aren’t. I know I spend far too much time going over what I should have said, or what I would say if so-and-so happened, but when it comes to it I’m an inarticulate mess if put on the spot. The majority of people don’t say everything perfectly first time, so don’t make all your characters’ dialogue perfect.

https://thoughtsoflorelei.wordpress.com/2015/11/05/screenwriting-101-writing-dialogue/

So that’s what I meant when I said you should be able to miss out the odd word if you’re trying to make it conversational.

How many commas is too many?

When they're incorrectly used. There are four principal uses for a comma –

As a listing comma in replace of words such as and, or etc.

As a joining comma in joining two sentences together with and, or etc.

As a gapping comma to show that words have been removed instead of repeated.

As a bracketing (or isolating) comma to mark off a weak interruption of the sentence so the sentence flows more smoothly.

It's worth taking time to understand how these four main comma uses are used and in doing so it will help you remove all the unnecessary or incorrectly used ones.

https://writing.stackexchange.com/questions/6941/how-many-commas-is-too-many#:~:text=One less common example of,looks like an subordinate clause.

The instances where Brole says I need to use commas could be used, but they’re not necessary. To use too many commas would break those sentences up too much.

When you referred to the translation as unreadable I thought you meant it was incomprehensible but you seem to mean that it’s just unenjoyable to read. That’s personal preference and fair enough.

You might say these are just a few sources from the internet but if you don’t trust me just look further into it… These aren’t opinions of mine. They are widely known.

This could go on for days and I’m not particularly interested in doing that so I’m not going to come back to this thread again and again. I saw something interesting I thought I’d leave you all with. Jimihensasshole, who posted a couple of translations of Bocchi the Rock, is a part of Unrelated. Their translations were absolutely hated. I guess the Unrelated translations are a third shit then hah. It’s almost like having double standards or shows that you all don’t really know what you like or dislike… It wouldn’t be surprising if Detective Ame was a part of it using a different name haha.

I don't care about your technicalities. It doesn't address any of my concerns. What makes you different from Ame then? No difference at all. Cooking works but nothingburger. I need not to elaborate because you are pretty ignorant of Japanese cultural phrases here that I wont bother to tell.

Your job is to deliver translations, not analyzing grammar. You get the 0 marks because you are answering Mathematics answers on a Biology question.

Also, no need to bring in the fact he's JimihenAsshole. I know and actually, lots of people actually knows he's JimihenAsshole, but he already changed with Unrelated persona. I know personally each of their team members who are capable of even proper Japanese to English, and should I add some hails from the USA, the land you think speaks English better than others? Also UnrelatedString don't brag being a something hoohaa graduate and being jerk like you and humble enough to seek our feedback. Want to surprise me with this fact? No shit, it's not a secret.

I can accept snipes, but yours are shit.