The translation has no noticeable english grammatical errors and doesn't feel like significant meaning is lost. Also your typesetting is nice. All round decent work, except you, dear translator, should keep on hand a list of character and place names, and standardize your localizations to be internally consistent. Especially grinding when the main character's surname changes spelling every time they invoke their magic. Is it Barbalodge, Harbalodge, or Halbaroge?