Yep that part about trying to get along because the fandom is small is really true, but the moment the fandom gets a bit less niche, its blood everywhere
Ah yes. The "who tops" the "who initiates" the "who is the wrench and who is the nut"debate. A frequent source of jokes in queer spaces.
I've had friends take this very seriously. Shipping art for naruto still often gets tagged sns to cover the bases. At least in English it does. Apparently there were many flame wars over it decades ago.
Personally I don't really get the hostility beyond " its fun to debate" but I'm saying gex irl so maybe my frame of reference is just different.