Hi there
@GentilGab, here are the things from this chapter that I think can be improved on:
Page 2: "
LikeWith that
, I'm a Mugi-Master too right?!"
Page 4: "Small height fetishism is not just about appreciating
what's biologically small thingsphysical smallness"—the original uses 物理的小ささ which translates to physical smallness, not "biologically small things"; biological smallness would be 生物学的小ささ.
"I shouldn't drink"
"even less a soda..."
炭酸でき飲まなきゃ
やってらんないよ
This should have been
"I must drink soda"
"But I can't do it"
"It's also
about enjoying things happening because of smallness..."
"Or even the
childness felt in that smallnesssmallness perceived in childishness"
Page 5:
"And...
that'sthis is the original un-zoomed
drawdrawing (or, if you would rather the original translation,
version)"
Page 6:
"I..."
"I was lacking of seriousness"
俺…
浅はかでした…
浅 is shallow or superficial, sometimes even silly, but not "lacking of seriousness". Personally, I would translate both speech bubbles as "I understand now..." "how shallow I was..."
Page 7:
"Naoi-san is still immature..."
That's not a proper translation.
直生さんはホントまだまだですね…
The original does not say anything about Naoi's maturity; it just says he's
really not up to par, or he's got a
really long way off.
"I think he has just been living a normal life though
t."
Page 9:
"If I say
it's no, then it's no...!!"
Also, the cleaning and redrawing on the bottom of page 9 is not a very good job. Would have been better to just leave the original text untranslated—speaking of which, it's not even in here.