@oOolOlIlOvEr69oOo
Are you the translator? Thanks for putting out all these chapters! I think it's not really translator problem here, but issue in second pass reading/editing. That is why it feels rushed to me, because it is mostly minor details that are missed out.
Like in this chapter,
there is some punctuation issues.
Page 2. Panel 1. Bubble 2.
...... 思ったんだけど is original.
I was just thinking. is translation.
But the opening "......" is not translated into filler or copied over, so the feeling is more sudden.
But then there is 2.7.1.
この剣のレプリカ... いい... is original
This replica sword... is nice... is translation.
But the "..." is natural in Japanese because we are used to breaking sentences up and giving the fragments, but in English maybe not so much. I think this is just overlooked tho.
Then there is some perspective issue,
5.3.3. is Syaro-mama speaking, not a stray tsukkomi, so it is actually part of same line as 5.4.1. It is very common error when translator or editor do not say out all the lines in chapter as if they are actors in it.
And lastly there is idiom error in 9.6.2. 時間の流れ is means "passing of time" so she is saying that the hotel has changed over time.
I think this is no more that I can catch from this chapter. In previous chapters, it is more of every line is correct on its own but when they are put together it does not seem as wakuwaku as it is supposed to; this issue is usually for editor to solve I think, but it needs much time. Or it is because the line is taken only at face value and not for how it is used in conversation like in chapter 7, 1.4.2. because 開き直る is used in response to the obasan's condescending attitude although this is all management's fault in the first place, so even though dictionary may say "give an about-face / become serious", there is negative connotation of being two-faced that we can find by looking in Shonagon corpus or in example sentence. So actually she is saying something like, "Why are you all making it sound like it's my fault?"
Don't be too harsh on yourself I think you have done a great job and make all the people in the manga feel alive
All this is just minor issue that can easy to be spotted by saying out all the lines in Japanese then in English to compare the mood (my english prof last time always like to say it is not about how good you are in the source language or how word-for-word you are because English dictionary cannot tell me the mood of the word and how real English people uses it, it is about how much you can give people the same experience as the original when they read your translation) or by more thorough checking. Please keep up the good work and don't lose confidence! Translation is difficult and is easy to make mistake when tired, that's why we have friends to help us, because no one is good at everything and no one knows every English and Japanese idiom