Oof, indeed, translation's a little rougher around the edges this time around. Again, previous disclaimer still applies, I know precious little Japanese and am working off of a frankly
criminal number of assumptions.
Page 1 :
- Panel 1, bubble 2 : his name's Higashi, not Naoto.
- Panel 2 : he's actually complaining that "[they] were a big deal, then [they] caught her eye and now we're here." or something to that effect (something like they were a big deal, but then she whooped their asses and now they're living like shit since their expulsion).
- Panels 3 and 4 : not too far off, it's more like "Kurono-san... what did she do?" to which he replies in the next page "WHAT DID SHE DO?!" which is a bit literal for my taste, me personally, I'd go with something like "So Kurono-san... was involved after all?" and he'd retort "INVOLVED?" but it's up to personal taste, both work fine.
Page 2 :
- Panel 1 : see above.
- Panel 2, bubble 2 : he's not asking Higashi to remember, he's saying "I'll never forget it..."
- Panel 3 : I'd go with "[B1]Why did we have to go through this? We were sent to the hospital, crushed emotionally, [B2] stripped of all our money... and driven out of our hometown!!"
- Panel 4 : Probably more like "So being a Yakuza...! Means she can do whatever she wants...!?" (the translation you used is correct but this fits a tad better, grammatically and contextually, at least imo. YMMV.)
Page 3 :
- Panel 1 : "バンッ" is just "Baaam!", as in, the door slamming open. He's not grunting.
- Panel 2, bubble 1 : Again, for flavor, I'd go with "Haah? Whatchu makin' all that damn racket for?" or some such.
- Panel 2, bubble 2 : "This wasn't part of the plan! That monster [or, for flavor, "crazy bitch" would also fit] just won't stop!" (that's just about the best I can come up with, everything else just makes no sense. Then again it is half past 3 in the morning so what do I know.)
- Panel 3 : Fits fine enough, but I'd go with "... Man, just shut up and get your ass back he[re]... GHK!"
- Panel 4, bubble 1 : this is the sound of the guy choking on his own teeth. Probably "Hhrk... hhk..."
- Panel 4, bubble 2 (excluding the "ヒュ" and "ゼー") : "[*panting*] ...Hm. Was that... the last... of them? [*panting*]"
Hm. This probably constitutes "translation work" at this point. That took me far too long. Repeating the disclaimer once again, no guarantee on the accuracy nor the quality. If you find this serviceable in any way, hmu, I wouldn't mind lending a hand.
That last
panel [page, I am so cooked bro] hit pretty hard, very good job on the coloring as always.