Imasara desu ga, Osananajimi o Suki ni Natte Shimaimashita - Ch. 42 - The Uprising of the Nosey Girls

[peortega1]

I feel Yami has a much more dominating personality than the other characters and I think she uses that to her advantage a lot in her interactions with them.

"I feel" is a very soft word when literally being dominant is the main point of her personality, is the main reason why she falls in love with Yuu first, and later feels attraction for Hikari.
She even says "I gave my first time to the one and only guy in the world I didn't hate" at the end of chapter 25. Is precisely the submissive personality of Yuu, the fact he will never do nothing she doesn´t want, the fact he never will asks for sex to her, one of the main reasons why she loves him during all this time.
Is precisely because these themes of female domination/role reversal, I thought precisely in Shikimori is just a cutie as the main inspiration of Maruto for this work.
Maruto was so zero subtle with Yami being a dommy girlfriend he literally gave us a scene of her grabbing by the dick to Yuu in public -and yes, this happened in Shikimori-san (manga chapter 144), and in a light way, in the White Album 2{s chapter where Kazusa grabs Haruki by the tie (a phalic substitute) in a station.
And precisely for that my disagree with story645. Yami definitely enjoys be the dominant girlfriend in the relationship. Yami enjoys to be the boyfriend of Yuu.

 

[peortega1]

I don't think they are similar. Yuu doesn't really feel guilty, he did try to find the reason to feel guilty, but ultimately couldn't. So I don't think he was seeking punishment. He returned because a girl who was dear to him clearly had something important to tell him, no matter how unfair it was.

Yes, I agree with you, but Yuu definitely still wanted know what was his failure either, what was is the reason why Yami thinks he deserves punishment, what was is the reason why Yami dumped him. The girl who was dear to him clearly had something important to tell him, and also he thinks he deserves this punishment from her.
Even if he knows is an unjust acussation from her, is still enough to making him feeling guilty after the mental breakdown, and the Yami words seems really still hurt him in chapter 43.
And yes, this backs my theory he was close to say: "I really tried to look you, Yami-senpai", when she ordered him to shut up -and again, he obeyed-.

As for this, I agree that we probably won't get an answer for this. I also can't deny the possibility of your view being closer to truth than mine. But if I play out this same situation but without Hikari watching, I think it is still a natural development of her outburst. She let him know how much she was hurt by the whole breakup and then it only makes sense she'd then let him know that her feelings are still there. But of course it's just hypothetical, so this can't be used to prove my point.

Both are in the right. She is being emotional and really wants to kiss Yuu, and, we don´t lie to ourselves, the only reason why she didn´t have sex with Yuu there is, just like Kazusa Touma, she doesn´t like have sex in public spaces. And of course, is already very serious kiss your ex-boyfriend before your best female friend, to also have sex in a classroom of your school and got in jail or at least expelled from the school.
But the point here is she would have kiss Yuu in any case, but, precisely as Kazusa with Haruki in the ending of White Album 2 before Setsuna eyes, she definitely wanted show to Hikari that Yuu was hers and she was graciously giving him to Hikari. She wanted to mark her territory.
This is the same reason why she couldn´t resist the desires of show off in the face to Hikari she was the first time of Yuu. She wanted to show off her victory over Hikari, like Kazusa taking the buttons of the Haruki´s uniform as a thing Setsuna never will have from him.
As any good soap opera, definitely this was an emotional goodbye, but was too a "he is mine, bitch".

 

[peortega1]

I insist on the re-watch of this scene for the current topic of discussion
Maruto definitely homaged Yami kiss on this infamous moment:

 

[peortega1]

I wish a meta reference where somebody in Imasara remembers the airport kiss of WA2, just like Yami being a declared fan of Utaha-senpai of Saekano...
Also, Utaha also had her own airport kiss moment, and in a station, and also as a form to say goodbye to Tomoya, and also was a SA, and also as a form to spit her own childhood friend rival
Yes, definitely Yami was thinking in this when she did what she did:

 

[story645]

Only skimmed so forgive if something has been covered.

question whether Yami's internal thoughts specifically are true or false because she's constantly contradicting herself

Been thinking how we tend to get Yami's thoughts at the end of a narrative block/much later - like that she's gonna "pretend like always" on the second to last chapter of the relationship arc, or the crash out all the way in 40, or how her knowing Hikari would see the kiss comes in chapter 41. With Yami in particular, Maruto delays "bringing light to the dark". Like yeah I tend to argue there's all this subtext/foreshadowing/setup for it - but I kinda think Maruto is playing a game of Aya filtered through Yuu' & Hikari's POVs.

Even though he left in tears? Sounds like a pretty huge reason to me.

They hooked up when he was in tears over Hikari. Which is to say sure he was crying, but she's seen him get over things when opportunity presents itself. Which is basically what he does, so maybe I have to give her more credit for knowing him than I usually do.

But these situations and her actions are just completely different.

Unlike her stepfather, Hikari and Yuu are the two most important people in her life and in both these situations she's pushing them out of her life. When she ghosts Yuu, she returns to where they met b/c she's hoping he'd find her there. In this situation, she's staying in the classroom, which is what Hikari calls her out on.

but then gets upset when it turns out Hikari decided not to ignore what she saw before and didn't simply forgive her.

It's the exact same thing as her crash out with Yuu, where she also (she knows unreasonably) hopes that Yuu will forgive her ghosting and chase after her. She's pushing Hikari and Yuu away hoping they won't let her.

Aya flat out thinks she may have kissed Yuu because Hikari was there - what way is there to read that other than self-destructive, especially knowing that Aya wants Hikari's forgiveness?

 

[peortega1]

Aya flat out thinks she may have kissed Yuu because Hikari was there - what way is there to read that other than self-destructive, especially knowing that Aya wants Hikari's forgiveness?

Again, yes, it was self-destructive, but was an emotional and unplanned action too. As we already said, Yami always felt resented by the ghost of Hikari even before meet her.
This, after all, is precisely a "he is mine, bitch".
There is a reason why even the friends themselves of Hikari notices in this chapter how Yami changed in the moment she discovered Hikari was the girl who Yuu always loved so much.
And so, yes, hear Yami saying with all that hate about how Yuu talked about her, is the point where Hikari probably realized Yuu didn´t lie after all.

 

[GennArc]

They hooked up when he was in tears over Hikari.

He wasn't. He was in tears during their first meeting, not when they hooked up.

Unlike her stepfather, Hikari and Yuu are the two most important people in her life and in both these situations she's pushing them out of her life. When she ghosts Yuu, she returns to where they met b/c she's hoping he'd find her there.

So "pushing away and then waiting" only works with the most important people? This is just so arbitrary, honestly.
And, according to her, she escapes to school from her mother. Had she hoped he'd find her, she would be at the gates.

Also it reads like you think Hikari and Yuu are equally important in her heart. However, this is what she thinks in 13.5:

Honestly, compared to what I went through a couple years ago, this is relatively easy.
Back then, I was stuck in a literal hell with no one to rely on, and now I go to school every day, I've got a stable life, and even a few friends.
Life's practically a breeze by comparison.

...Well, except for one little problem. That heavenly time sandwiched between hell and now still lingers in my mind, messing me up a bit.

So her current life where Hikari and friends are there is "relatively easy", whereas that period with Yuu is "heavenly time". So there is clearly some difference.

It's the exact same thing as her crash out with Yuu, where she also (she knows unreasonably) hopes that Yuu will forgive her ghosting and chase after her.

So she wants self-destruction, but actually doesn't?

Aya flat out thinks she may have kissed Yuu because Hikari was there - what way is there to read that other than self-destructive, especially knowing that Aya wants Hikari's forgiveness?

Even if we accept that she kissed him because Hikari was watching, there are still many options to read it, e.g. she wanted to show that she was first.

 

[story645]

. He was in tears during their first meeting, not when they hooked up.

My mistake, he was on the verge of tears. But here's how Aya's reading his emotions in 23:

"It's my fault."

His voice carried genuine anger.

"It's my fault for not trying harder until now."

It was filled with real heartbreak.

"If I'd known how much I'd regret it... if I'd known it would hurt this much..."

He was drowning in raw, unfiltered regret.

We don't get what her read on his emotions post 40, but my guess is she's thinking he's feeling something similar. I also think it's pretty well established that Aya thinks he doesn't care about her as strongly as he cares about Hikari. And she knows he can move past very big feelings when presented the opportunity.

Which again, right, it's canon that he got over the crying and confessed to Hikari - so basically my argument is Aya knows Yuu well enough to expect him to go with the flow and meet up w/ Hikari.

Had she hoped he'd find her, she would be at the gates

She went to their meeting place b/c that's where they met twice. That's the standard "find a lost person advice" - stay at the place where you last met. ETA: which yes, not literally where they last met but is "their" meeting place to her. Which is why she won't let Hikari sit in Yuu's spot.

So her current life where Hikari and friends are there is "relatively easy", whereas that period with Yuu is "heavenly time". So there is clearly some difference.

Yeah, what was happening in Aya's life at the time?

Her relationship with Yuu was at her darkest time - abusive step dad actively in her life and a mother who refused to leave him and her, a teenager, believing it was on her to get him out of her life. Chapter 27 encapsulates this really well - that he's a welcome distraction from everything in the background.

Her relationship with her friends being "relatively easy" is actually amazing for someone who has never had friends. As is her feeling like a "normal girl" when in 30 she's thinking that's impossible:

But just thinking like that already makes me some kind of messed-up girl, right?
I guess I really can't ever be a normal girl.

So she wants self-destruction, but actually doesn't?

Yeah, that's more or less how these sorta depressive spirals work for most people and is why therapy/treatment are even a thing. For example, most folks who survive a suicide attempt don't try again (2023 meta study).

Even if we accept that she kissed him because Hikari was watching, there are still many options to read it, e.g. she wanted to show that she was first.

How is Aya claiming ownership over Hikari's crush not self-destructive given she values her friendship with Hikari?

 

[GennArc]

We don't get what her read on his emotions post 40, but my guess is she's thinking he's feeling something similar.

I think these two situations are so different that using one to predict his behavior in the other doesn't really work. In the first one he never confessed to Hikari, was hopelessly in love with her for ages and just failed his big chance to make her notice him. In the other he suddenly met a girl he was in love with, who he didn't even expect to ever meet again, and it led to a storm of emotions and her kissing him.

She went to their meeting place b/c that's where they met twice. That's the standard "find a lost person advice" - stay at the place where you last met. ETA: which yes, not literally where they last met but is "their" meeting place to her. Which is why she won't let Hikari sit in Yuu's spot.

Okay, I didn't think of it, but she was indeed sitting there when Hikari met her. That doesn't mean I agree she was waiting for Hikari in the classroom, but I concede this point.

Her relationship with Yuu was at her darkest time - abusive step dad actively in her life and a mother who refused to leave him and her, a teenager, believing it was on her to get him out of her life. Chapter 27 encapsulates this really well - that he's a welcome distraction from everything in the background.

That makes the point even stronger. Yuu being there in her darkest time made it heavenly. Hikari and the group being there in a less chaotic time made it "relatively easy".

Her relationship with her friends being "relatively easy" is actually amazing for someone who has never had friends.

Ch. 22:

Anyway, that whole situation? It's why I gradually stopped seeing eye to eye with my parents. So much so that I moved out.
For the past few months, I've been couch-surfing at middle school friends' places. But that well's running dry. Even my closest friends are running out of patience.

And my current classmates? We were never close enough for me to crash at their places in the first place.

She did have friends and she had a normal life, she even was an overachiever as she says in 26. Hikari and the group make her current life "relatively easy", which is most likely worse than the life before the stepdad. But the time with Yuu is "heavenly".

Yeah, that's more or less how these sorta depressive spirals work for most people and is why therapy/treatment are even a thing. For example, most folks who survive a suicide attempt don't try again

Very convenient. "She wants to self-destruct, but when there is some evidence against it, it's simply because she actually doesn't want that." Makes it hard to disprove really.
I can't really prove anything, I just think my explanation is simpler and less contradictory. She didn't really want any self-destruction or anything, she just wanted things to work the best, but then got overwhelmed by her emotions in that scene with Yuu. Same with the scene with Hikari, she wanted things to work best for Hikari and Yuu, but Hikari cornered her by not accepting her lies so she got emotional once again.

How is Aya claiming ownership over Hikari's crush not self-destructive given she values her friendship with Hikari?

If she treasures Yuu over Hikari then it's not self-destructive at all. She has a choice between her love and her friend and chooses the former.

 

[story645]

using one to predict his behavior in the other doesn't really work.

The big feelings are regret and heartbreak, feels pretty applicable to both.

But also, Aya's POV is that Yuu turned her down & may get the confession he's always wanted from Hikari. From Aya's POv, that'd be every bit as storm of emotions as Aya suddenly kissing him, if not more so.

Yuu being there in her darkest time made it heavenly. Hikari and the group being there in a less chaotic time made it "relatively easy".

The point I'm trying to make is any good thing is "heavenly" contrasted with a very dark time b/c it's the one tiny spot of brightness. Like the most mundane things are the best thing ever.

She did have friends and she had a normal life, she even was an overachiever

By the time we meet her in 31, that's all been completely blown up - her friends have run out of patience with her & she's failed a year of school. She's at rock bottom and has no real intentions of building back up, she's planning to coast:

This was supposed to be my refuge.
A place to kill the next two years in blissful, meaningless boredom.
And now, it was ruined

Which on the conversation with HellJester of Aya not knowing what she wants, next chapter she does such a speed run of opening up that she wants to be real best friends w/ Hikari by the end of the festival. Which she achieves going by 41:

This is Hikari.
She’s the one who saved me.
She’s my best friend… someone I love so much.

She wants to self-destruct, but when there is some evidence against it, it's simply because she actually doesn't want that."

The evidence for her self-destructing is kissing her best friend's crush possibly because her best friend was there. Here's a convo where Hikari is begging Aya to acknowledge that she loves Yuu and Aya is finding it suffocating.

Her words sounded so gentle and sincere—
but in reality, Hikari was carefully closing off every possible escape route I had.

Hikari: “So you don’t have to act so guilty. You could just own it… So why are you apologizing so much?”

If the kiss was just a "he's mine", then Hikari's acknowledgment should be liberating. "Hikari knows and she's OK w/ it and we can still be friends". I read her as feeling trapped and suffocated b/c Hikari isn't letting Aya's plan work - she's trying to not let Aya blow up their friendship over Yuu.

ETA: Also, wanting forgiveness isn't evidence against wanting to self-destruct. It's evidence that the impulse to self-destruct is tempered by the impulse for survival.

but then got overwhelmed by her emotions in that scene with Yuu.

Sure, but what Aya does when overwhelmed is self-destructively lash out at Yuu and Hikari. When he's overwhelmed, Yuu shuts down. When Hikari is overwhelmed, she spirals.

 

[GennArc]

But also, Aya's POV is that Yuu turned her down & may get the confession he's always wanted from Hikari. From Aya's POv, that'd be every bit as storm of emotions as Aya suddenly kissing him, if not more so.

Didn't quite get what you meant here.
Her POV is just saying farewell to him and Hikari seeing it, she doesn't even know what exactly happened afterwards except that Hikari went missing as told by Haru and Yuki.

The point I'm trying to make is any good thing is "heavenly" contrasted with a very dark time b/c it's the one tiny spot of brightness. Like the most mundane things are the best thing ever.

Contrasts work indeed, but only when the good time replaces the dark time. In her case, it was in the middle of the dark time - when Yuu appeared, everything that made the dark time was still there, but it still became "heavenly". In contrast, Hikari and co. only made the much lighter time "relatively easy". I mean, I don't know why you are so resistant to this idea. You might think it's "healthier", "Hikari is a better influence" and stuff like that, but that's clearly not how she herself felt about it.

By the time we meet her in 31, that's all been completely blown up - her friends have run out of patience with her & she's failed a year of school.

Your argument was based upon her never having friends, so I proved it wrong.
Did Hikari improve her situation compared to after the breakup? Of course. Did she become happier than she used to be while dating Yuu? No.

If the kiss was just a "he's mine", then Hikari's acknowledgment should be liberating.

Or maybe the kiss happened the middle of the emotional outburst, but then she calmed down and realized how terrible what she did was.

"Hikari knows and she's OK w/ it and we can still be friends". I read her as feeling trapped and suffocated b/c Hikari isn't letting Aya's plan work - she's trying to not let Aya blow up their friendship over Yuu.

I read it completely differently. I don't think "she's OK and we can still be friends" is on her mind at all, and I don't think Hikari is OK with it either. She wants the truth, she wants a heart-to-heart, but at that moment she is not saying "I'm OK and we will still stay friends".
By lying Yami wanted to convince Hikari that her relationship with Yuu never was a deep connection and that he actually always loved Hikari, so her image of him wouldn't suffer as much damage, and Yami was basically his mistake. That's what Hikari is not letting her do:

Hikari: “Why lie…? No… I get it. I know why you’re lying, Aya-chan.”

Even if Hikari already knew.
Even if she saw through everything from the start…

Hikari: “You’re lying for my sake, right? So I don’t get hurt… you’re covering up what really happened between you and him.”
Yami: “I’m not covering anything… He’s nothing special. Just a lame guy, that’s all.”

Sure, but what Aya does when overwhelmed is self-destructively lash out at Yuu and Hikari.

The first times we saw her overwhelmed with emotions were in chapters 24 and 25, and she had different reactions both times: crying and confiding in Yuu about her family circumstances; and then springing to action when he was about to leave. It's not any sort of pattern, it's just purely situational.

 

[peortega1]

This is the best friend of Ai Kamiya (and Miyako Shikimori herself) in Shikimori-san series. Does she remember you of somebody?
And yes, this girl is the Third Tomboy Girl of the series after the two girls lovely interesed in the male MC.

 

[peortega1]

Contrasts work indeed, but only when the good time replaces the dark time. In her case, it was in the middle of the dark time - when Yuu appeared, everything that made the dark time was still there, but it still became "heavenly".

This definitely reforces the idea of why Yami thinks Yuu is her destiny lover and she would have met him in a way or other. Her abusive step-father only fastered the things, but they definitely were going to be something, or at least, Ayami believes it.
The idea of Yuu being very different to any other boy Ayami met in the past, the idea of both finding in the other the person really compatible with him/her they always would have looking for.
And yes, all this obsession with the Destiny is other thing shared with Ai Kamiya from Shikimori-san, Utaha Kasumigaoka from Saekano and, of course, Kazusa Touma from White Album 2.
And very typical from Japanese mentality in any case.

 

[story645]

Didn't quite get what you meant here.

Just that Aya has no reason to think that Yuu crying means he'd turn down Hikari's confession, which is what we're even fighting about.

Did Hikari improve her situation compared to after the breakup? Of course. Did she become happier than she used to be while dating Yuu? No.

The point I'm trying to make is I don't think you can make this comparison b/c of the context. Like what I think we're arguing is either happy(Yuu) > happy(Hikari & co), which doesn't work b/c the baselines are completely different. ETA: Or that the delta on Yuu is bigger which is probably true but doesn't tell us much of anything about the relative importance of Yuu and Hikari to Aya. Which yes, Aya impulsively chose Yuu, after planning not to b/c of Hikari, but Aya also immediately regrets her actions and the novel does not have the what if route of Yuu reciprocating to gauge if she'd feel differently if he'd said yes.

but then she calmed down and realized how terrible what she did was.

That doesn't make it any less self-destructive? Like I take back if I said self-destruction is always intentional.

so her image of him wouldn't suffer as much damage, and Yami was basically his mistake. That's what Hikari is not letting her do:

Hikari basically starts with "hey Aya own your feelings" & ends their convo with “You love him, don’t you…?!”
Basically the only time Hikari says anything about Yuu is defending Yuu from fuckboy allegations. The rest of the conversation is super focused on Aya, Hikari even expressing concern for Aya:

Hikari: “Just stop already… Stop lying like that. Stop hurting yourself, too…”

Which, as Hikari flags, Aya is being self-destructive here by going on and on about how much she didn't mean to Yuu - that's something Hikari repeatedly says she neither believes nor needs to hear.

crying and confiding in Yuu about her family circumstances;

Which she immediately walked back afterwards, so to me this feels like a similar "let it all out" as her crash out with Yuu. Yeah she's not lashing out at Yuu the first time b/c he's not why she's overwhelmed, but she's saying things she immediately regrets saying.

 

[GennArc]

Just that Aya has no reason to think that Yuu crying means he'd turn down Hikari's confession, which is what we're even fighting about.

My point was that she doesn't even know what he's going to do after. Even if his intention was to go with Hikari, their confrontation could've thrown a wrench into his plans. And into Hikari's plan to confess (since she already knows) too.

Like what I think we're arguing is either happy(Yuu) > happy(Hikari & co), which doesn't work b/c the baselines are completely different.

The baseline is how she feels about it. She is comparing that time with the present and comes to that conclusion.

Which yes, Aya impulsively chose Yuu, after planning not to b/c of Hikari, but Aya also immediately regrets her actions and the novel does not have the what if route of Yuu reciprocating to gauge if she'd feel differently if he'd said yes.

I don't see how this changes anything. She kisses Yuu, then immediately pushes him away again by saying her farewell, since it's the "right" thing to do. That doesn't say anything about prioritizing Hikari over Yuu, she didn't even intend to "steal" him, because again, that was just an outburst, not something planned.

Like I take back if I said self-destruction is always intentional.

At least that's how it sounded before. That she intentionally decided to do it:

I think the intended motivation here was her own self destruction via Hikari and Yuu ditching her

Hikari basically starts with "hey Aya own your feelings" & ends their convo with “You love him, don’t you…?!”
Basically the only time Hikari says anything about Yuu is defending Yuu from fuckboy allegations. The rest of the conversation is super focused on Aya, Hikari even expressing concern for Aya

Which is what I was pointing at when saying she wanted a heart-to-heart and the truth from Yami. Since Yami refused to have a heart-to-heart, Hikari kept pushing even further by saying what she thinks might pressure her into finally telling the truth.
I am not denying that there is a part of her sympathyzing with Yami, but she is not telling "it's okay", she is asking her to come clear.

Yeah she's not lashing out at Yuu the first time b/c he's not why she's overwhelmed, but she's saying things she immediately regrets saying.

I mean, that's kinda what happens with most emotional outbursts caused by negative emotions? When people let rationality go, they tend to say things they might regret later. My point was that her emotional outburst isn't just one pattern of lashing out.

 

[wtfsigma]

When is the next chapter

 

[GennArc]

When is the next chapter

October 6.

 

[story645]

their confrontation could've thrown a wrench into his plans. And into Hikari's plan to confess (since she already knows) too.

Yes, HellJester and I were saying that Aya was trying to throw a wrench into these plans. But what I'm also saying is Aya has reasons to think her wrench throwing wasn't successful (since Yuu accepted her farewell) - and also successful or not, what started this convo was Aya staying back in the classroom waiting to be found, which isn't really dependent on what happens next anyway.

She is comparing that time with the present and comes to that conclusion.

The point I'm trying to make is that she thinks of it as heavenly b/c it was a break from her darkness, so it's like she's comparing a vacation to real life.

I am not denying that there is a part of her sympathyzing with Yami, but she is not telling "it's okay", she is asking her to come clear.

It's the same as with Yuu though, Hikari is saying what she needs is "honesty". So if Aya's goal was being forgiven, the pathway would be to be honest.

That doesn't say anything about prioritizing Hikari over Yuu, she didn't even intend to "steal" him, because again, that was just an outburst, not something planned.

I think not planning to steal him even though she still loved him is either priortizing Hikari or b/c she thinks Yuu loves Hikari and she's being a coward. Or story A is what she's telling herself and story B is what Yuu and Hikari are calling out, to go back to the conversation about how Aya's thoughts don't always line up w/ true motivations.

That she intentionally decided to do it:

Ok, so actually yes I still think Aya is intentionally trying to push Yuu and Hikari away - again, I think it's like the ghosting and the prank, where she's pushing them away as a test to see if they"ll come back. In 40 she kisses Yuu instead of letting him say his peace and then says farewell - which I think is why Yuu says she's being unfair/a coward. In 41 she concludes the conversation w/ "bind him w/ your body" b/c that's the thing Hikari has already shown will make her most mad.

 

[GennArc]

what started this convo was Aya staying back in the classroom waiting to be found

By Hikari who might've gone home? By Yuu who she said farewell to?

The point I'm trying to make is that she thinks of it as heavenly b/c it was a break from her darkness, so it's like she's comparing a vacation to real life.

I get what you're saying, I just think it doesn't work. Her "relatively easy" life with Hikari started immediately after the period of darkness, yet she doesn't think of it as heavenly, even though it is contrasting too.
Moreover, I think if her mom hadn't taken the divorce so badly (and consecutively without the breakup), she would've been doing much better than she currently is. Because a big part of her motivation was to go back to being a normal girl who would be able to stand by Yuu's side, so she would've been able to fix all the stuff "fixed" with Hikari's help too.

It's the same as with Yuu though, Hikari is saying what she needs is "honesty". So if Aya's goal was being forgiven, the pathway would be to be honest.

Not really. Honesty doesn't necessarily lead to forgiveness here, as truths can hurt more than lies.
Also in Yami's eyes admitting she loves Yuu likely equals them becoming enemies with Hikari.

I think not planning to steal him even though she still loved him is either priortizing Hikari or b/c she thinks Yuu loves Hikari and she's being a coward.

She just met him accidentally and talked to him for ten minutes. There's no need to analyze the reason for why she's not trying to steal him, because it was all happening suddenly for both of them.

I think it's like the ghosting and the prank, where she's pushing them away as a test to see if they"ll come back

I think neither of those were tests. She wasn't testing if Yuu would come back, she did what she intended to, but still hoped for a miracle.

 

[story645]

By Hikari who might've gone home? By Yuu who she said farewell to?

Yup, just like she was hoping to be found by Yuu who she had ghosted. We've gone rinse repeat on this so I don't think we'll agree here.

Her "relatively easy" life with Hikari started immediately after the period of darkness, yet she doesn't think of it as heavenly, even though it is contrasting too.

I'm not sure what you're saying here. That Aya doesn't think of this period of dawn as "heavenly" or that Aya doesn't think of Hikari as "heavenly" in contrast to the dawn? Which I'm calling it dawn b/c this is what Aya worked for, to bring the dark period to an end. Which, right it's not a "heavenly" respite from the dark, it's the same room w/ a lamp on.

so she would've been able to fix all the stuff "fixed" with Hikari's help too.

She considers Hikari her savior, so I don't think Aya thinks that way:

This is Hikari.
She’s the one who saved me.
She’s my best friend… someone I love so much.

Honesty doesn't necessarily lead to forgiveness here, as truths can hurt more than lies.
Also in Yami's eyes admitting she loves Yuu likely equals them becoming enemies with Hikari.

Aya already admitted she loves Yuu by kissing him maybe because Hikari is there. It tipped off Hikari that Aya loves Yuu, which is how they're in this fight where Hikari knows the truth and has rebuffed Aya's lies and has made it painfully clear that Hikari isn't believing them. At this point, Aya is doubling down for Aya.

She wasn't testing if Yuu would come back, she did what she intended to, but still hoped for a miracle.

If she had really ghosted him just b/c she didn't want to burden him w/ family stuff, then it should be impossible to break her resolve b/c the material conditions of her caregiving responsibilities don't change if he comes back.