Isekai Amulet Hanako-Sama - Vol. 1 Ch. 3 - A New Beginning

[MangaDex]

 

[darekpawlo]

Sooo, here are my thoughts:
-You fucked the power scaling, characters being able to level cities right from the beginning is a really bad idea, especially when you stated that the fight from chapter 2 was done by "weaklings."
-Gooner levels are off the charts in this one, get off porn buddy. And I'm say it not because I hate those things.
-Why is this even isekai? I feel like nothing of value was added from her being a reincarnated person, by that I mean if you get rid of all parts that talk about her previous life, nothing of value would be lost.
-Story flow was bad, especially in this chapter. And I think you're trying to bite more than you can chew with this one for now.
-Don't use that fancy font, it makes it hard to read. And I pronoun (I as in me) is always capitalized.
-Many grammatical errors, and I mean many. You should throw the script to ChatGPT or any other bot to check for those.
-Your perspective drawings are really lacking, especially the profiles.

 

[PinkManiac]

There was a few pages where it felt like the reading direction was swapped, which threw me off. And the varying levels of fan service/censorship felt weird, unnaturally showing everything and having steam censorship when it was natural to see something was an odd combo.

 

[darekpawlo]

1: show case the power of the amulet, she gets nerfed in chapter 3 and in chapter 4 and 5 we get an explanation on the amulet and what it does that and I really wanted to draw a fight scene x.x
Mb

Thanks for the answer.

When I said to throw your scripts into bots for proofreading I wasn't joking, since it's quick and free and it will catch errors like writing they're as their (how their poorly) or there is instead of there are (there is grammar errors) or character instead of chapter(character 3), it's unfortunate but if you're writing a story, grammar is rather important (btw those errors I pointed out are just examples, throw your comment to the bot and just see how many you made in this comment alone). Writing i instead of I just looks sloppy.

My point about you trying to bite more than you can chew is something like this this situation, you want to make games so where do you start? Instead of doing stuff like snake/tetris/flappy bird you started with trying to make mmo/big rpg like skyrim/gta 5, not a good idea since you will quickly get burned out and demotivated.

Well, don't give up on drawning/writing and I will wait for chapter 4.

 

[NezumiMaus5]

[deleted by me, basically the same exact message below repllying to darekpawlo]

 

[NezumiMaus5]

Thanks for the answer.

When I said to throw your scripts into bots for proofreading I wasn't joking, since it's quick and free and it will catch errors like writing they're as their (how their poorly) or there is instead of there are (there is grammar errors) or character instead of chapter(character 3), it's unfortunate but if you're writing a story, grammar is rather important (btw those errors I pointed out are just examples, throw your comment to the bot and just see how many you made in this comment alone). Writing i instead of I just looks sloppy.

My point about you trying to bite more than you can chew is something like this this situation, you want to make games so where do you start? Instead of doing stuff like snake/tetris/flappy bird you started with trying to make mmo/big rpg like skyrim/gta 5, not a good idea since you will quickly get burned out and demotivated.

Well, don't give up on drawning/writing and I will wait for chapter 4.

i sent this like 7 days ago but i guess it didnt reply to you x.x

there is no chapter 4, its canceled, how ever.... i am working on a reboot series removing the isekai aspect, keeping the same base story, and slightly changing 3 characters in terms of design, also improved story by a long shot, probably will take about a month or 2 to make the first chapter but its definitly gonna be worthed it, theres currently 5 chapters fully written, with a 6 one being planned. im working on hanako's redesign as i type this too <3 she will look pretty much the same, but more expressive and the same but different hair style, basically over all improvement of the first design. chapter 1 will be based on a uncompleted draft of the comic i did in a sketch book, basically before it was an isekai, its nearly a 1 for 1 rewrite of those 4 pages with some added scenes and characters. you can follow my twitter for updates and or add my discord: NezumiMaus5

https://x.com/MagicalAmuletHS https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct...usg=AOvVaw3B26bewYtL5udiX6HsJV3v&opi=89978449​

 

[darekpawlo]

i sent this like 7 days ago but i guess it didnt reply to you x.x

there is no chapter 4, its canceled, how ever.... i am working on a reboot series removing the isekai aspect, keeping the same base story, and slightly changing 3 characters in terms of design, also improved story by a long shot, probably will take about a month or 2 to make the first chapter but its definitly gonna be worthed it, theres currently 5 chapters fully written, with a 6 one being planned. im working on hanako's redesign as i type this too <3 she will look pretty much the same, but more expressive and the same but different hair style, basically over all improvement of the first design. chapter 1 will be based on a uncompleted draft of the comic i did in a sketch book, basically before it was an isekai, its nearly a 1 for 1 rewrite of those 4 pages with some added scenes and characters. you can follow my twitter for updates and or add my discord: NezumiMaus5

https://x.com/MagicalAmuletHS https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct...usg=AOvVaw3B26bewYtL5udiX6HsJV3v&opi=89978449​

Sure I can add you on discord for updates, since I probably will be dropping mangadex because I don't really like the direction this site is taking with it trying to become something like crunchyroll