@ak0ztik
Don't sell yourself short.
Humility in your work is fine, there's always a way to improve, but the baseline you're working with here is actually pretty good, way better than how I started, at least.
Even if it's "just MTL", as long as you look into sentence nuance and have a incredibly basic understanding of sentence structure, what's the point in complaining?
Nobody TLs word-to-word exactly anyway. Shit just doesn't sound good, if it's going to get localized in some capacity anyway then you shouldn't care how it's done, as long it's readable, has a decent flow and is true to the source dialogue's overall intent.
Frankly, I didn't notice anything bad about this chapter, all I did was zoom out slightly because of the larger image size.
If you need help with or want to split TL work, feel free to DM me, I like this series and I'd be glad to help out (Although I can't take it on fully due to my current living arrangements).
Hope to see you keep working at it.