So, this TL has finally caught to SquigglesJP's TL, and I've compared the two translations.
So far, yours is the better one, but not by a lot. I can't speak on how accurate the translations are, but yours does have some parts that are better worded than SquigglesJP.
However, there things that I don't like. Yours is more wordy and doesn't simply sentences. For example, pg. 10; yours "What exactly is Matilda talking about?" vs. SquigglesJP "What is she talking about?".
Both convey the same message, but yours uses proper nouns and more words, which makes it a bit harder to read due to it being longer.
All in all, I'll stick with your TL due to some things being translated properly, but try not to overcomplicate sentences to make them easier to read.