"I want to express my regret about my involvement in fucking up your life (not apologies, just regret) and maybe tell you that I value you greatly. But first, to put in perspective just how seriously you should take that, I'd like to make it clear that the whole 'value you' thing is way less important than timely delivery of a few drinks to our drunken co-workers, so wait ten minutes would you?"
Smooth. Real smooth.