Thank you for your work. But I think you should try to get that Ryukatsu to be a proofreader as well.
But until you do, I could offer some suggestions (it was really the lyrics thing that kicked me into motion, but I snagged a couple more that I felt were big enough to mention when I was already writing something)
Page 3 "immersion" should probably be "acceptance"
Page 6 "Heroe-sama" should probably be "Hero-sama" (or if it's her dialect then her further "Hero" should also be "Heroe"?)
Page 9 and 10 - Andagulia or Andalusia? (Probably the latter, but perhaps stick with one?)
Page 11 "lyrics" should probably be "writing" or "letters"
Page 13 "Recieve so nice words ka-chan is delighted" - "I'm delighted by such praise" or something like that maybe?