Kanade and Lily - Oneshot

[MangaDex]

 

[Nicisbacktozeldagaming]

That was cute. ☺️

 

[20471120]

That was cute. ☺️

really glad u liked it

 

[totalfish]

the text get cut off rather abruptly sometimes. it makes the manga hard to follow. I was confused a decent chunk of time so I ended up glazing over the text cause I wasn't able to understand what was going on. it made the scene where the fan is getting mad at the idols confusing cause I wasn't sure what lily said in return.

 

[20471120]

the text get cut off rather abruptly sometimes. it makes the manga hard to follow. I was confused a decent chunk of time so I ended up glazing over the text cause I wasn't able to understand what was going on. it made the scene where the fan is getting mad at the idols confusing cause I wasn't sure what lily said in return.

i really appreciate the feedback. thank u

 

[CyberneticSusurrus]

Page 5 is one of the examples of sentences being cut short for no apparent reason.
"It's gotten to the point where fans are actually" what?

Edit: And again on Page 7, a sentence cut off.
Which I can only assume persists throughout, given the text is being consistently confined to the bubbles.

You should actually proofread all the way through before you publish.
(Reading in reverse order - from the last panel on the last page, backwards to the first - can make it easier to spot issues.)

 

[20471120]

Page 5 is one of the examples of sentences being cut short for no apparent reason.
"It's gotten to the point where fans are actually" what?

Edit: And again on Page 7, a sentence cut off.
Which I can only assume persists throughout, given the text is being consistently confined to the bubbles.

You should actually proofread all the way through before you publish.
(Reading in reverse order - from the last panel on the last page, backwards to the first - can make it easier to spot issues.)

I really appreciate the help, I'll do this for future works. Thank you

 

[20471120]

Page 5 is one of the examples of sentences being cut short for no apparent reason.
"It's gotten to the point where fans are actually" what?

Edit: And again on Page 7, a sentence cut off.
Which I can only assume persists throughout, given the text is being consistently confined to the bubbles.

You should actually proofread all the way through before you publish.
(Reading in reverse order - from the last panel on the last page, backwards to the first - can make it easier to spot issues.)

I really appreciate your feedback, really. Sorry for these cut-offs, I have made improvements throughout the chapter now hopefully I got everything. I also have 2 new chapters I have done, feel free to check it out if u want.

 

[CyberneticSusurrus]

I really appreciate your feedback, really. Sorry for these cut-offs, I have made improvements throughout the chapter now hopefully I got everything. I also have 2 new chapters I have done, feel free to check it out if u want.

It happens. Even the experienced scanlator groups have errors and oversights slip through, & that's with multiple eyes on it.

I spotted a handful of remaining things reading through:

1. Page 7: there's a typo in the top-right panel, where instead of "Yeah, you're right, it's your fault." it says "yeah your right, It's your fault.".
2. Page 7: another typo in the lower-right panel; "Whether it's cheki or handshake events, all you ever do is go along with the fan's mood." is missing the "is".
3. Page 10: at the top, "Sorry. We can go out together tomorrow?" is doubled up; not sure if that's intended, but the grammar also feels off for the context/response.
   (If there is missing text there, it might fix that, but if not then it's possible "Can we" or "Could we" would fit better for a plea/request than "We can".)
4. Page 13: Top-right panel, "well" should be capitalized to "Well".
5. Page 13: Top-left panel is also missing capitalization; should be "Oh, can I have one please?".
6. Page 16: I suspect "You don't need to fit it, Lily." should be "You don't need to fix it, Lily." instead.
   The grammar in that bubble is a little rough in general.
   (Given the context, it might work better as "You just need to take that sense of "what they want" and give them exactly that.", but I can't be sure that's a reasonable rephrasing; it might also flow better with "what they really want" instead of "what they want" in that case.)
7. Page 25: bottom panel looks to be missing capitalization on "This".
8. Page 26: It looks like there's a missing word; I assume "was in sync like never" is meant to be "was in sync like never before" ?
9. Page 25: missing capitalization on "I'm".

Otherwise good work though, & good luck continuing your efforts.

 

[20471120]

It happens. Even the experienced scanlator groups have errors and oversights slip through, & that's with multiple eyes on it.

I spotted a handful of remaining things reading through:

1. Page 7: there's a typo in the top-right panel, where instead of "Yeah, you're right, it's your fault." it says "yeah your right, It's your fault.".
2. Page 7: another typo in the lower-right panel; "Whether it's cheki or handshake events, all you ever do is go along with the fan's mood." is missing the "is".
3. Page 10: at the top, "Sorry. We can go out together tomorrow?" is doubled up; not sure if that's intended, but the grammar also feels off for the context/response.
   (If there is missing text there, it might fix that, but if not then it's possible "Can we" or "Could we" would fit better for a plea/request than "We can".)
4. Page 13: Top-right panel, "well" should be capitalized to "Well".
5. Page 13: Top-left panel is also missing capitalization; should be "Oh, can I have one please?".
6. Page 16: I suspect "You don't need to fit it, Lily." should be "You don't need to fix it, Lily." instead.
   The grammar in that bubble is a little rough in general.
   (Given the context, it might work better as "You just need to take that sense of "what they want" and give them exactly that.", but I can't be sure that's a reasonable rephrasing; it might also flow better with "what they really want" instead of "what they want" in that case.)
7. Page 25: bottom panel looks to be missing capitalization on "This".
8. Page 26: It looks like there's a missing word; I assume "was in sync like never" is meant to be "was in sync like never before" ?
9. Page 25: missing capitalization on "I'm".

Otherwise good work though, & good luck continuing your efforts.

I know I keep saying it but, I really appreciate this help, thank you. The fact that you took time out of your day to help me like this means a lot to me. I will also keep this in mind with future projects.

 

[Irene-stan]

I read this after all the edits and it seemed very easy to read for me, it all made sense.
Thanks for the translation and for going back to fix it!

 

[nattouilust]

The tags scared me