Komachiyo-san-nee-san said it all... small steps, don't need to be quick, just keep doing your best and have the courage to appreciate what you achieved.
The weight of overwhelming expectation, especially the one we ourselves impose, is one that can crush even the strongest of spirits, and it is commendable to be able to overcome it by yourself... but there is no shame in asking for help too, to give the little nudge that we cant give ourselves.
In a way... having the luck to have such a person in our lives can be a whole thing in itself, but still, it pays to just see each day by itself.
In hindsight, it seems people who ponder for a long time like this on a big decision tend to have made a decision in their heart, but needed the time to convince their head.
The age-old miscommunication between heart and head XD.