Communication and expectation wise.
True, they don't expect anything but sex and accommodation, which, is like bare minimum
Real relationships expect more (and give more), comparing doesn't translate well, like saying a pet is more loyal or something (I'm saying a 10/10 relationship is more valuable than a 10/10 sex friend, or 10/10 pet, which is kind of obvious)
People that try and move beyond sex friends commonly end up disappointed, as expectations rise for emotions/support, many stories about this, elation followed by realisation*
Could be attributed to the issue with separating what someone
says and what someone does, which is extremely important, it's kind of unfathomable how so many people miss this (I feel this should be taught, mandatory to know), it's very typical stalker says what you want to hear, but does exactly what you don't want to do, so*, expectng his actions to follow his words, as she did, however nothing changed, he still acted the same, in a way, she made him a liar, and ruined her interpretation of him, in reality he didn't want (nor need) to put in any more effort to get what he wanted, sex, equality pitfall
Don't overinflate say and do though, if where it matters, counts, then it's good, not, breaking up over a one-time "you said you'd unload the dishwasher" fuss, pettiness has no meaningful place in relationships (This is a big subjective grey area)
Knew someone who didn't want to date someone because they
said slurs, all their actions were redeeming, walking on eggshells (Not saying that's not bad, buy they were genuinely so nice besides that)
The "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd say no" is bad, not gonna rant, but, person I knew divorced because their partner bought a horse without saying anything
Equality, you'll see stories of women touting their "man", partner, opening doors for them, paying for all their food, she'll tell other women to never settle for less (realistically, you will marry someone ordinary, like yourself), etc, contributing to some form of queen complex, this is obviously not good, and won't last long-term
With sex friends to match each other for equality it's the bare minimum, very easy, which is also why it's so mentally destructive, we are social creatures that naturally crave touch from similar, I'm sure many reminisce about their sex friends, how easy it was fulfill cravings, which harms longstanding relationships
*She and him have been "seeing" each other for 4 months, initially it "just felt so easy right away", however it's been "all over the place", she blocked his number at one point because he was "giving too chill energy", and "feeling like an option sucks", met some of his family, both met friends of each other, had meals together, fed birds together, later hanging out and cuddling she asks to be his girlfriend, he
says "Of course" she calls him sweet, he calls her the sweetest, he's calling her babe and honey, she loves it. 1 month later, they break up, she thought he was different, he wasn't, "it never really felt right, it was more like I was in a relationship only by
title", "I supported him through a lot [...] but when it came to my own stress? it was like it didn't matter", "One night I [...] explained how stressed I was and that I just wish he'd check in", "He
told me he'd check in on me, he never did, and that was kind of the moment it hit me: this isn't going to get any better.", she then realises she was wasting time hoping for someone to change who clearly wasn't planning to
Personally this kind of story is intriguing (* one)
It's like a growthless prospect, self-realising
Fell apart due mentality difference, very broad blanket term, but if mentalities match, it's a step in the right direction (Again, step, there are many more steps required)
Much older part of me, had this thought of how complex, intertwined, and deeply routed can a relationship get?
Are shallow relationships doomed to fail, if things are too easy, will they fall apart because they have no anchoring roots, no "we've been through worse" precedence showing procedure, is there a "sweet spot" for startng a relationship, not too easy, not too hard**
You want to marry someone knowing the majority of them, not marry then find out they yell and hit you when X happens
Having negatives to a relationship, with very high positives to follow feel more "engaging"?/enjoyable/real/connected than a purely positive relationship (old thought for me, imagining a relationship can feel more connected by proving it can handle negatives, and if it were true (I haven't really found one), I'd be so grateful (Kind of like hitting something, and watching it heal and become stronger instead of withering away like others, a culling I guess))
Proper negatives like getting angry, or crying, then apologising after, not too soon as it won't seem genuine, not too late as it won't be relevant (Not negatives like abuse, or cheating though, those are obviously dealbreakers)
Apologising ideally before sleep, personal thing again, but sleep "logs" the day, and you'll commonly see people acting as if yesterday never happened, so it's important to apologise before they mentally log the day (also very important for children, they will hold grudges, so rectify before sleep))
I know it's a pipedream, a cathartic relationship
I'll be honest, I can't think of any story which has this kind of relationship, the only "hard times" in romance are usually dramas of some other character being introduced, I think it's a major missed opportunity to introduce character flaws, possibly (and realistically common) from inconsideration
**Pointing to the story Kouiu no Ga li, all the characters are depicted as (socially) perfect, unrealistic, boring, and realistically would fail I'd imagine, it'd be aimless for when something negative happens, I mean it could actually happen as neither were shown to be regretful of their first relationship, they saw no fault of their own, it just seems to lack self-awarenss to not even doubt let alone question self
at all
Someone I knew didn't believe in apoligising ("we're adults, we just move on"), brain drain, don't get me wrong, personally apologies aren't to say "sorry" but to express regret, and a desire for forgiveness, and, hoping the situation never arises again
Not the only person I knew that didn't "do" apologies, one just wouldn't, probably out of pride, easy way to dissolve trust and respect in a relationship
Men are easier to understand than women because they'll act "sane", how they want to (reminds me of a friend saying "damn her ass is fat" to our group, funny), it's easier to convince a woman to do something she doesn't want to do than a man, because a man will have more backbone (this is why finding a woman with backbone, or giving her one (not 100% it's possible, wouldn't she lose it when away from her partner), is important, you hear countless stories of the insecure woman cheating, she probably lacked confidence to oppose, there are many layers of irony, could point to betraying dependent, a short-term insecurity creating long-term insecurity, etc, there's no excuse)
Women are also sneakier, if they can avoid being convinced, avoid social confrontation, they'll do what they can on their own, feign ignorance. Might as well add this story (4 people, 2F 2M), a girl I knew had a male best friend she knew for years, and liked another guy, and a girl friend of hers was dating the male best friend, that girl friend of hers then learnt that she liked the guy and cheated on the male best friend with the guy she liked and started dating, all to just get ahead, just insane, I'd imagine the relationship didn't last long. Women are also "gossipier", a girl friend I knew talked about her boyfriend's "trauma" infront of me and her other girl friend, censored it, not pleasant (Red flags or whatever, I'd say, she dyed her hair blonde, wore those low platform boots, had baggy clothing, piercings, smoked weed, drank alcohol, went to parties (would later club too), and wore fishnets with a skirt sometime to "desexualise" them (I asked, she said cause in porn they'd rip them for sex), was kind of a whore, talking about being on the pill because being "you know what in"ed felt too good, could tell she cared how others saw her by how she'd adjust her foot stance inward, to widen her legs and posterior, she was generally social, so not introverted, main red flag I'd say was how promicuous she was, she'd later break up, but was loyal besides what she'd talk about, writing that I realised she'd be called a gyaru in manga, crazy, believe me, there are better people).
Women aren't evil, but they're usually harder to discern than men, so arguably more responsibility falls on women to find a proper husband, than men to find a proper wife, which is a shame because modern culture is wrought with perversion from both sides (Men are usually trend setters, could certainly blame men for women's promiscuity)
Shamelessness is a very dangerous trait to have (different from confidence), as the guilt from cheating won't reliably develop, there are stories of a partner mentioning they cheated, partner saying ok, we'll reconcile, for years later to mention it wasn't a single affair (willing to say whatever in order to stay with partner), never, never, stay with a cheater, again, what they say and do, you can't trust their "saying" after they've betrayed their "doing"
I feel people underestimate their flaws, well, it could also be they're unaware of them, or lack consideration which creates flaws, I've got flaws, flaws I'm unaware of too, I'm not above anything realistically, just saying what I think
Sorry for long reply, I have like mental rabbit holes (created by brainworms), I feel we live in the times that we'll tell the children of the future to avoid, "don't have mindless sex"
Relationship tip, show interest, girl I knew got cheated on by boyfriend's sport teammate (other girl), because she didn't show up to his games, could say "but the teammate did, so that's why" but that's a bit cruel, regardless, show interest (kind of ties into Kouiu no Ga li, I can't imagine any of the characters reciprocating proper interest in each other beyond sex, like going to a family get together)