Kuchi ga Saketemo Kimi ni wa (2020 Short) - Ch. 3
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I don't know man, it feels empty...
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It's a good chapter, but not a good conclusion.
I feel like this part should be in the middle of the story, right before the mid-act low point and before the characters reconcile, so we understand his prospective and his characterization.
It's sweet, but I wish it was longer...
I feel like this part should be in the middle of the story, right before the mid-act low point and before the characters reconcile, so we understand his prospective and his characterization.
It's sweet, but I wish it was longer...
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This....should have been much longer ;A; This story deserves at least 10 more chapters to deepen their characters and conclude their story nicely ;w; Really feels axed; not like an ending at all X'DD
Thanks anyways for the translation<33 Really enjoyed reading this
Thanks anyways for the translation<33 Really enjoyed reading this
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What happenn ????
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THis wasn't an axe guys. This was a SHORT STORY. Perhaps designed as a pilot in hopes of launching a full serialization but still this wasn't axed off it lacked the funding from the start to be especially long.
Given it's open ended nature I feel this was most likely designed as a pilot and the author either hasn't written an ending or didn't want to give it away if a full serialization happened.
Given it's open ended nature I feel this was most likely designed as a pilot and the author either hasn't written an ending or didn't want to give it away if a full serialization happened.
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@Metazoxan Yep. This is the one thing that annoys me the most, is people being lazy and not looking into manga that were written with the intention of being short stories and then saying "axe-kun ((" when it ends.
It's a shame the author hasn't been successful in getting his slit-mouthed waifu properly picked up for a full serialisation. 4th time lucky maybe?
((" when it ends. It's a shame the author hasn't been successful in getting his slit-mouthed waifu properly picked up for a full serialisation. 4th time lucky maybe?
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Mmm I don't know how I feel about this ending compared to the original. Like you could've made this part 2 and no one would have noticed, but part 3 if the original is very clearly an end.
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This is the third time that this author tries to make a manga about the slit-mouth woman, I liked it but it's time to move on
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BTW if I had to make any major critics (as in reasons I think this didn't get realized it would be the following)
1. The backstory for the MC's attraction to Waifu feels rather shallow. Some kid picks a fight with him because he's jealous of his rich family and arrogant attitude even though neither is at all true and she just kinda shows up and may or may not have intentionally helped him? I think that scene was left vague on purpose. But the problem is it's way too forced. The bully makes up way too many nonsensical excuses to start the fight and the MC is way too passive about it. Like this kid that does nothing but make up stuff about him says everyone hates him for the reasons he made up and he just kinda goes "sure okay I guess I'm forever alone since no one understands me". That just does not work. The idea of the MC being isolated and slit mouth Waifu being that helps him get out of that isolation is fine but you need to make it more interesting, more relatable, or at least more natural.
2. Even if he was trying to solidify the relationship during the pilot it felt like their relationship progresses with little to no obstacles. From the very start her opposition to the relationship feels more like a hollow attempt at Tsundere rather than any real resistance. I felt more resistance from Louise in Familiar of Zero than here! It's not that every romance needs to do the "will they, won't they" thing but when the very premise is she's trying to scare him to void the contract you need to capitalize on that. Make the series a semi horror manga with her doing legit horrifying things. Maybe feature the male lead responding with an insane face instead of a horrifying one establishing she is legit terrifying but in his abnormal perception it's beautiful. There are other possibilities too. But one of the ABSOLUTE NUMBER ONE things a pilot needs to do is show off it's premise for the forseeable future. The author fails to do this and simply shows them already mostly a happy couple during the pilot.
3. Her nature as a Yokai and the troubles of a human/yokai relationship are glossed over too much. It's not that we have to do the "forbidden love" trope. But we're talking about a human marrying an inhuman being. There should be some obstacles due to their conflicting natures to overcome. Again they don't have to be too big especially in a pilot. But they should be a stronger theme than what we see in the pilot. The main reason for this is it's what helps seperate this series from every other romance. You need to focus on what being a Yokai and a slit mouthed woman brings to the romance formula that doesn't exist otherwise. If you don't then it's just a generic ROMCOM with a thin coat of paint to pretend it's a new idea.
Again those are my three big reasons I think this author isn't getting their work serialized. The idea itself isn't bad but the end result falls back on too many romcom writing tropes and doesn't do enough to makes use of it's unique elements. It's a sweet and simple romcom but we already have hundreds of those. You need more than that if you want to get off the ground.
1. The backstory for the MC's attraction to Waifu feels rather shallow. Some kid picks a fight with him because he's jealous of his rich family and arrogant attitude even though neither is at all true and she just kinda shows up and may or may not have intentionally helped him? I think that scene was left vague on purpose. But the problem is it's way too forced. The bully makes up way too many nonsensical excuses to start the fight and the MC is way too passive about it. Like this kid that does nothing but make up stuff about him says everyone hates him for the reasons he made up and he just kinda goes "sure okay I guess I'm forever alone since no one understands me". That just does not work. The idea of the MC being isolated and slit mouth Waifu being that helps him get out of that isolation is fine but you need to make it more interesting, more relatable, or at least more natural.
2. Even if he was trying to solidify the relationship during the pilot it felt like their relationship progresses with little to no obstacles. From the very start her opposition to the relationship feels more like a hollow attempt at Tsundere rather than any real resistance. I felt more resistance from Louise in Familiar of Zero than here! It's not that every romance needs to do the "will they, won't they" thing but when the very premise is she's trying to scare him to void the contract you need to capitalize on that. Make the series a semi horror manga with her doing legit horrifying things. Maybe feature the male lead responding with an insane face instead of a horrifying one establishing she is legit terrifying but in his abnormal perception it's beautiful. There are other possibilities too. But one of the ABSOLUTE NUMBER ONE things a pilot needs to do is show off it's premise for the forseeable future. The author fails to do this and simply shows them already mostly a happy couple during the pilot.
3. Her nature as a Yokai and the troubles of a human/yokai relationship are glossed over too much. It's not that we have to do the "forbidden love" trope. But we're talking about a human marrying an inhuman being. There should be some obstacles due to their conflicting natures to overcome. Again they don't have to be too big especially in a pilot. But they should be a stronger theme than what we see in the pilot. The main reason for this is it's what helps seperate this series from every other romance. You need to focus on what being a Yokai and a slit mouthed woman brings to the romance formula that doesn't exist otherwise. If you don't then it's just a generic ROMCOM with a thin coat of paint to pretend it's a new idea.
Again those are my three big reasons I think this author isn't getting their work serialized. The idea itself isn't bad but the end result falls back on too many romcom writing tropes and doesn't do enough to makes use of it's unique elements. It's a sweet and simple romcom but we already have hundreds of those. You need more than that if you want to get off the ground.
I think the biggest mistake here is the limitations the author put on Miruko's abilities, likely for the sake of being more palatable and for a "fluffy" type romance.
Her being a monster means very little when her only apparent power is "having a scary mouth and scaring people." The mouth is a fairly major detail in deciding if someone will pick this story up from the shelf or pay for a chapter on an online site...it doesn't make Miruko particularly easier to sell, especially if this is not going to go the hentai/smut route. The originally lore says that slit-mouthed women would kill people who answered "no" to "Am I beautiful"...What happened to that particular piece of information?
The idea that the issue is that there aren't enough "rumors" about slit-mouthed women also seems laughably easy to solve...If you scare enough small children, surely you'd see traction. At least make her look legitimately frightening in those moments she tries to scare him, it just underplays her resolution when she still looks adorable to both the reader and the guy. What, she's going to try to scare a guy by just showing her mouth but still having perfect hair, no blood on her face, clothes perfectly intact..? She just seems lazy instead of the dumb airheaded female character she was intended to be at this point.
Her being a monster means very little when her only apparent power is "having a scary mouth and scaring people." The mouth is a fairly major detail in deciding if someone will pick this story up from the shelf or pay for a chapter on an online site...it doesn't make Miruko particularly easier to sell, especially if this is not going to go the hentai/smut route. The originally lore says that slit-mouthed women would kill people who answered "no" to "Am I beautiful"...What happened to that particular piece of information?
The idea that the issue is that there aren't enough "rumors" about slit-mouthed women also seems laughably easy to solve...If you scare enough small children, surely you'd see traction. At least make her look legitimately frightening in those moments she tries to scare him, it just underplays her resolution when she still looks adorable to both the reader and the guy. What, she's going to try to scare a guy by just showing her mouth but still having perfect hair, no blood on her face, clothes perfectly intact..? She just seems lazy instead of the dumb airheaded female character she was intended to be at this point.
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