Kyori-kan ga Bagutteru Downer Gyaru-chan - Ch. 5 - The melancholic Gyaru-chan doth possess a familiarity that is quite forward.

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Whilst I applaud your vigor, such fonts doth truly make mine eyes bleed. Verily, such measures should only be employed sparingly and for sacred occasions. Truly, I failed at mentioning the same after your last efforts.
it is unfortunate the lack of experience i have gathered, may it be known, that this shall not be a recurrent
 
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Pray, submit for mine advisement a more clearlier rendering of thy befuddled scrivenings into a truer tongue of the Elizabethan age.

Hark! In yon first bauble of speech, when 'tis that thou dost spy 'your,' know then that 'tis rendered as 'thy' or 'thine,' for they do signify possession most true.
 
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Pardon, but it is 'thine umbrella' and 'mine/my umbrella'

I get it though. Possessive articles are the trickiest bit of Early Modern English or Elizabethan era English.
 
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it is unfortunate the lack of experience i have gathered, may it be known, that this shall not be a recurrent
If you are to make an archaic Elizabethan English translation of this manga, please use the correct pronouns. 'Thou' is the informal form of you, not the second person possessive pronoun/determiner. That would be 'thy' or if before a word beginning with a vowel sound, 'thine'. So it should be "thine umbrella". There are other issues also, such as the switching between thou and you and the use of 'shan't' (contraction of shall not, which is indicative of the future tense,) in the present but I'm out of time so sayonara.

Besides the other group did a fantastic job at making a humorous Elizabethan tl. Maybe you're spreading your wings and having fun, in which case, have at it, but otherwise you need to clarify what exactly you want to accomplish.
 
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Struggling to get my head around this series having had more translation groups than its nine chapters. :unsure:
 
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Pray, for what do you blush?

Missed opportunity to use "wherefore". Also, if she's using "thy" when talking about his umbrella, it should probably be "dost thou" instead of "do you".
 

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