Fed-Kun's army
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2018
- Messages
- 257
Rather generic but sweet and has potential.
My major complaint is that he says he's a collage student but is clearly a shota. It's like in a movie where they are "high school students" but are clearly in their late 20s at the youngest. I'd be fine if he was either a legit kid or if he at least said a line stating he looks like a Shota but is a collage student. I give the later option because I understand the author may want to use a Shota but avoid issues about depicting minors. But even if that's the case it's a detail that shouldn't be ignored IMO.
Besides that any other critics I could give would need more chapters as everything else still has a chance to develop depending on what the author does.
BTW I sent the above message to the author for my opinion and did my best to sound encouraging and constructive in the message to the author. Might all be pointless but I figured if the author took the time to set all this up the least I could do was take a minute or two to honestly respond to it.
My major complaint is that he says he's a collage student but is clearly a shota. It's like in a movie where they are "high school students" but are clearly in their late 20s at the youngest. I'd be fine if he was either a legit kid or if he at least said a line stating he looks like a Shota but is a collage student. I give the later option because I understand the author may want to use a Shota but avoid issues about depicting minors. But even if that's the case it's a detail that shouldn't be ignored IMO.
Besides that any other critics I could give would need more chapters as everything else still has a chance to develop depending on what the author does.
BTW I sent the above message to the author for my opinion and did my best to sound encouraging and constructive in the message to the author. Might all be pointless but I figured if the author took the time to set all this up the least I could do was take a minute or two to honestly respond to it.