@DISCO_BOT I wouldn't normally give direct feedback on translations, but since this is your first series I figured I might as well give some general pointers. I study translation in university and have done some professional work.
I feel like you follow the source language sentence structure and norms a little bit too much. It makes the text feel stilted and unnatural; it would be better to translate the message rather than simply take the Japanese words and replace them with their English equivalents. Figure out what the characters want to convey and write that in idiomatic English.
Let's look at page 3's first panel as an example:
"I feel like we didn't go home together for a long time."
"We always missed each other due to student council and club activities."
I'd replace those lines with something like
"I feel like it's been a while since we last walked home together."
"Yeah, we've all been pretty busy with clubs and student council work."