Mr. Clice - Vol. 4 Ch. 16 - Wishing upon the Southern Star
- Thread starter MangaDex
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Thanks for pitching in, everyone! Hopefully you all enjoyed chapter 17!
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Thank you for the great work as always, definitely less mistakes this time. And a great improvement especially in past vs present tense.
pg 2, “just how did you” instead of “just how do you” as it’s past tense since they already found Clice.
pg 6, “in the Pacific“ instead of “on the Pacific”
pg 10, “dabbling with” instead of “dabbling on” as thats what’s generally said (it’s not technically wrong just a weird way to say it). Also both uses of the word “could” should be changed to the word “can as its present tense.
pg 13, “caught on the camera” instead of “caught in the camera”. Also “and so have you” instead of “so do you”. And “if you look to your right” instead of “if you see on your right”
pg 15, “the things” instead of “the thing”. Also “when we need them” instead of “when we need it” as laws is plural.
Pg 16, “on the equator“ instead of “under the equator“
pg 17, “soar in the sky“ instead of “soar the sky”
pg 20, “for our next” instead of “on our next” as its future tense
pg 23, “by U.S. warships“ instead of “by the U.S. warships” the “the” implies its all the US’s warships and submarines.
pg 28, “or you’re“ instead of “or you’ll“. Also “went against an order” instead of “went against order“. And “she’s known” instead of “she was known” as it appears to be present tense.
pg 29, “now in sight” instead of “now on sight”.
pg 30, “once say” instead of “once said”. Also “in the newspaper back in the day” instead of “on the newspaper back in the days”
pg 45, “missiles systems” instead of “missile system”
pg 46, “with a 100%” instead of “at 100%”. Also both uses of the word “are” should be changed to the word “is”
pg 47, “has Tokyo“ instead of “is Tokyo”
pg 53, “which one is” instead of “which one are“
pg, 55, “of the personnel” instead of “of personnel“
pg 2, “just how did you” instead of “just how do you” as it’s past tense since they already found Clice.
pg 6, “in the Pacific“ instead of “on the Pacific”
pg 10, “dabbling with” instead of “dabbling on” as thats what’s generally said (it’s not technically wrong just a weird way to say it). Also both uses of the word “could” should be changed to the word “can as its present tense.
pg 13, “caught on the camera” instead of “caught in the camera”. Also “and so have you” instead of “so do you”. And “if you look to your right” instead of “if you see on your right”
pg 15, “the things” instead of “the thing”. Also “when we need them” instead of “when we need it” as laws is plural.
Pg 16, “on the equator“ instead of “under the equator“
pg 17, “soar in the sky“ instead of “soar the sky”
pg 20, “for our next” instead of “on our next” as its future tense
pg 23, “by U.S. warships“ instead of “by the U.S. warships” the “the” implies its all the US’s warships and submarines.
pg 28, “or you’re“ instead of “or you’ll“. Also “went against an order” instead of “went against order“. And “she’s known” instead of “she was known” as it appears to be present tense.
pg 29, “now in sight” instead of “now on sight”.
pg 30, “once say” instead of “once said”. Also “in the newspaper back in the day” instead of “on the newspaper back in the days”
pg 45, “missiles systems” instead of “missile system”
pg 46, “with a 100%” instead of “at 100%”. Also both uses of the word “are” should be changed to the word “is”
pg 47, “has Tokyo“ instead of “is Tokyo”
pg 53, “which one is” instead of “which one are“
pg, 55, “of the personnel” instead of “of personnel“
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Active member
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Hey, thanks again for your help! Boy, I'm actually quite proud of that chapter, but I guess there's always a room for improvement.
About those U.S. soldiers, I'm not sure myself. Considering the lighthearted theme this series got, maybe they got away at the end. My headcanon is that since their radio wasn't working, they pulled back into their ships, and then the missiles came raining down on the island afterwards.
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Lol doing an entire mission in a swimsuit is just... schizophrenic. Anything for fanservice, eh author? Oh well, at least the "villian" this time around wasn't boring.
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The pirate lady has big boobs? Sure, why not.
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She's Akimoto's tribute to Revy from Black Lagoon (with a touch of Rebecca)
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