Just noting that Xiaoyang in the original Chinese always consistently uses male terms to refer to himself.i can not understand the mind of someone who is reading the asshole parents use transphobic and transmisogynistic language and dead look me in the eye and use he/him pronouns for the character. That is a woman. there is no text that is "i just like the clothes" or "i think i am neither/both boy or girl". This flashback in particular is showing a trans girls pain of being told they cannot be a girl, and feeling hope for a version of her future self that can be like her sister.
while the way they're acting isn't great, at least some of what they're doing is deescalating the situation. the call to respect your elders was done as wang fang was escalating the situation and immediately defused that while still preventing "his" parents from continuing to hit "him", and escalation isn't really helpful, either. if they can pull from this more calmly explaining to the parents that they can't just force their expectations onto "him" or find a way to separate them without it turning into a big fight, then what they did will have been worth it. but it's also unclear if that's even possible at this point.What hurts the most in the chapter is the casual passiveness with which their parents' abuse is treated, yup, gotta respect the elders, can't clash with them, gotta be careful, gotta make concessions for them, do not shock them, they're your elders