Well, the art is bad, even for a mugenjin fan like me. The story is no good, the day without end is a bit over-used plot and I think you need some other thing to keep the story entertaining. The edit is okay, just make bigger bubbles if the text don't fit. The characters relations seems fake, as they don't seems to have any emotion on their face, and only a tiny bit in the text. I don't really see any reason to read that... so far, dropped at chap 5.
If you think the rest of the story is good enough to be read, just remake these first chapters, in order for the whole to be at a good level.