I'm not trying to yuck somebody's yum, but you don't ever touch another person's face.
You don't ever do that; it's wildly improper, and in all the wrong ways.
Also, chances are good that if you try to pat me on my head, I will literally punch or elbow you in the solar plexus because I am not subordinate to you, whomever you may be.
I get the rest of the prizes; I don't mind sacrificing my time for a cause. If we define my family as a "cause," then I have donated a shit-ton of time... (that's a standard shit-ton, not that metric malarkey)
But seriously; you don't squidge the face or cheecks of an equal adult human unless you want to be bitten or struck in some way.
Fuckin wild.