P5: "I think it doesn't hurt to be careful, you can't embarrass yourself with a bad outfit." - Wording's a bit weird, but that's just me. Also, this should prob just be 2 sentences, so either swap the comma with a period or start the 2nd half with a conjunctive.
P6: "Did you fell in love with me?" - Should be "fall in love with me" here.
P16: "Ah, I can see, that she has inherited the talent that befits the Konohana family lineage." - The 2nd comma should be removed. Also, if this bubble and the one right before (about Hinako's personality) are both from Kagen, then the way it starts with "Ah" is weird. It sounds more like Itsuki responded to Kagen in that 2nd bubble.
P17: "There's no reason not to utilize that talent." - Maybe start with a "but" here or something. He's talking about how the Son-in-Law will take over, but he's contrasting it with the idea of utilizing Hinako's talent. So something like "but" or "still" would do well here. (This is assuming that my interpretation of his words are correct, since I don't actually know what the raws say."
P17: "Once she graduate..." - Should be "graduates" here.
Those are just a few errors or weird TLs I caught and have a recommended fix for. Compared to where you started, scanlation has definitely improved. Still a couple of small grammatical errors here and there, which is par for the course when something isn't proofread. Have you considered recruiting a Proofreader to help? Could go a long away in improving the quality by fixing errors early and even just making the overall translation smoother, maybe even make it less stiff or awkward too. A lot of times, just proofreading your own work isn't enough. A 2nd perspective helps in that scenario.
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