Shinitai Shoujo no Death Game - Oneshot

[MangaDex]

 

[AnotherAverageReader]

Holy shit. Life is truly a gamble set to lose.

 

[pandascepter]

Time to gamble my useless life... then win.

 

[Argroh]

y'know, mental health services in japan are ABOSLUTE DOGSHIT, btw.

 

[NilnisNilneef]

Yeah I feel that, I feel all of that. I hope people read this one, it nailed so many aspects of my experience with suicidal ideation. The mundane bleakness that feeds itself, the useless "just get over it" platitudes, the mistrust and invalidation from people that think you're not acting properly suicidal, the bone deep feeling that you're not worth helping, and finally just grabbing for any random thing that'll keep your feet moving.
It's a depressing story but seeing an author articulate this stuff so well is gratifying. Thanks much for the translation.

 

[Landale]

y'know, mental health services in japan are ABOSLUTE DOGSHIT, btw.

"Hmm, sounds like you've got.... We have pills for that. Looks like there's some side effects. We have pills for that. More side effects. We have pills for that. We have pills for that. We have pills for that. We have pills for that."

 

[FireDevil123]

Beautiful

 

[meltworkzz]

I double checked the name of the author. I thought I read avogadoo's manga

 

[uro-taku]

This was such a good read. I love how they expressed that specific feeling of self loathing where you struggle to move forward even though you have privileges others don't have and feeling the guilt of wasting those privileges. A big circle of guilt and self hate where you think you're not good enough but the things around you are.

Then there's the sayings where its cowardly to run away like that or that you're doing just fine even though you know you're not which just adds on to the cycle.

I didn't really understand what the winner was telling our mc about but from my interpretation it's about mixing the feeling of "am I doing good" with "how good am I doing" so that you can lie to yourself that you're relatively ok.

Reminds me of a vocaloid song called self inflicted achromatic, the topic of it is a lil similar to this. It's a really nice listen.

 

[Dverin_Oshiban_Duren]

Her solution was basically:

Okay maybe not exactly that but you get it.

 

[lelelo_]

Damn.. hits close to home. I just had this earlier this year. Ironically talking it out with chatgpt helps me feel better. That and quitting my job that sucks out my soul

 

[lelelo_]

This was such a good read. I love how they expressed that specific feeling of self loathing where you struggle to move forward even though you have privileges others don't have and feeling the guilt of wasting those privileges. A big circle of guilt and self hate where you think you're not good enough but the things around you are.

Then there's the sayings where its cowardly to run away like that or that you're doing just fine even though you know you're not which just adds on to the cycle.

I didn't really understand what the winner was telling our mc about but from my interpretation it's about mixing the feeling of "am I doing good" with "how good am I doing" so that you can lie to yourself that you're relatively ok.

Reminds me of a vocaloid song called self inflicted achromatic, the topic of it is a lil similar to this. It's a really nice listen.

From my understanding, FL is so aware about the broken society and how it's just not made for her who is born as a sensitive, self-aware person, who doesn't want to burden anyone (like how she doesn't want to bother anyone with her death and wish she could just depart quietly). The grind, the criticism, the unfeelingness of it all is very hard to accept once you realize it and it became the only thing in your mind.

The guy was saying to blur that thought out, pretend you don't know about it, and only focus on what is necessary (to keep someone motivated and alive, like personal goal). So it's a self deception technique.
And so FL precisely did that finally by making her personal goal to take up the issue and complain to that person.
She just need something that could keep her going, before she can function again in the society.

 

[ARealCoolGuy]

I was just pondering this story over, and I'm wonder if the 'Death Games' even actually happened -- given that the ending was she took the advice of deluding yourself so much that you believe the story.
The story seems so grounded, but then suddenly there's a little floating demon guy that can just posses people at whim? Why would they even care about money or losing a gamble? It doesn't quite add up.

I suspect the Man saved the mc from something more mundane, and gave her that advice after hearing her laments, so the conversation was much the same in many ways as the one she actually had with him.
Perhaps she was just to kill herself via drowning? She had mentioned heavily considering it, and they found her by a riverside, so perhaps he saved her from that?

...Perhaps I'm trying to read more depth into this than there is though?

 

[Sophie_Hokhmah]

"Hmm, sounds like you've got.... We have pills for that. Looks like there's some side effects. We have pills for that. More side effects. We have pills for that. We have pills for that. We have pills for that. We have pills for that."

More like "we got pills for that, but don't mention to anyone you take them, they'd shun you from job promotions, carrer opportunities, dating prospects and more".
Seriously, Japan's idea of mental health is similar to the USA in the 50s, it's BAD.

 

[Landale]

More like "we got pills for that, but don't mention to anyone you take them, they'd shun you from job promotions, carrer opportunities, dating prospects and more".
Seriously, Japan's idea of mental health is similar to the USA in the 50s, it's BAD.

That too. But from personal experience the "solution" is to just bury every problem under a ton of chemicals that cause more problems and even when you tell them no they keep pushing for it. When I was a kid I was on over a dozen pills at once and my parents' protests against it were basically always met with "If you don't keep them on this we're calling CPS on you and you will have your children ripped kicking and screaming out of your house". It took years just to get a professional that agreed I should be off the pill cocktail as it was causing more harm than good and by that point the damage was permanent anyway.

 

[coolkid3245]

I'm glad I saw this. Thanks for the translation, OP.

 

[HeyImhereyay]

Pretty good read.

 

[WJ_PK]

I've never really gone through anything as bad as she has for a prolonged period of time before, but I know a couple of friends have. I wish I could do something for them other than being there, but in the end, it would risk becoming a bad experience for them due to misunderstandings or something like that. Even if I try to be supportive and choose my words very carefully, it feels like I've been checkmated in a way. Sometimes I wonder if the only thing I can do is ask them how they want me to interact with them, but that has risks as well. It's like a spiral that just keeps going down the more I think about it. Either way though, I'm still glad they're with me.

 

[Silfir]

If this shit hit any closer to home I'd be shrapnel.

 

[Sophie_Hokhmah]

That too. But from personal experience the "solution" is to just bury every problem under a ton of chemicals that cause more problems and even when you tell them no they keep pushing for it. When I was a kid I was on over a dozen pills at once and my parents' protests against it were basically always met with "If you don't keep them on this we're calling CPS on you and you will have your children ripped kicking and screaming out of your house". It took years just to get a professional that agreed I should be off the pill cocktail as it was causing more harm than good and by that point the damage was permanent anyway.

oh definetely, been there, done that.
My point was that having access to some medication isn't an assurance that socially, culturally, all is/will be well for those who do need to take them