Solte the Traveler - Vol. 4 Ch. 13 - Lizard Land: Part 1

[MangaDex]

 

[MilkDrinker]

Thanks for the TL

 

[ckckckck]

Thanks for taking up this series!

You are asking for feedback, but honestly, I can't find anything to criticize. That the SFX sometimes are on top of the japanese ones is something I only realized at the second reading, where I specifically checked for things that might be improved. So in my opinion it can stay like this, since it costs you much less work then if you completely redraw those areas and it doesn't really interfere with me reading the manga. As I said, I didn't even realize it at first. So keep on going, you are already at a good level!

 

[badyzh]

Thank you very much for picking Solte up! Looking forward to your next release!

 

[BrownStorm]

Thanks for the TL, good stuff

That the SFX sometimes are on top of the japanese ones is something I only realized at the second reading

yeah I didn't spot that either. I guess it's pretty rare to actually read the SFX

 

[PseudoAngel]

Thanks for the TL! I don't think i need to provide any feedback, you're doin a good job already!

 

[Elki]

Thank you for the translation.

 

[Roodypatooti]

Ty

 

[Northern]

My feedback? Looked great. Good job.

 

[Kushikime]

Thanks for the chapter

 

[Madologist]

Wait the Blightinquisitor already comes to play?
That was fast, thought he'd be a background element until much later.

 

[Madologist]

Just reread and noticed the above mentioned SFXs being on top of each other. Truly shows how much of a visual element they are in the reader's mind and not really text. Wonder if you could develop a pure pictogram style for sound effects?

 

[DSbro]

Thanks for the kind words everyone.

RE: SFX. I try to make it as "unobtrusive" as possible by matching the underlying SFX in terms of size and background pattern (e.g. white SFX black stroke, patterned SFX, etc.) as well as replacing smaller SFX effects entirely with their English equivalents. I'm glad to hear that it's working!

We've got just two more chapters left to catch up on until we're back to the scheduled bi-monthly releases. Please look forward to it!

 

[Admmi]

I wonder if this guy is going to be a constant enemy or if a truly big one, or the boss will appear, i would like a boss, this one doesnt feel that threatning(that could change throught, goffy but scary is something this author does a lot)

 

[HawaiianFeeling]

Thanks for picking up the series! Interesting developments I’m worried how much damage Napta can cause to these lizard people

 

[leanderachronos]

I am grateful to see this translated, don't get me wrong. But if you're asking for feedback...

1) Don't put English SFX over JP SFX. It's ugly, it overcrowds the page, and it obscures the actual art and composition in a lot of places. Either wholly redraw the SFX or simply add a note. This inbetween is grotesquely unprofessional and looks far worse than either of your other options.

2) The TL is stilted. Far too many sentences have an unnatural structure, or bizarre wording choices. An example from chapter 12:

ORIGINAL

Listen well. All you've done up to now
...was never a battle.
Suicide.
Extermination.
That isn't a battle.
But now, to protect what's important to you from a powerful enemy...
You took up your sword.
This is a battle you must fight.
Because it can not be lost.

I'm going to assume the gist of the TL is correct here, or at least that what I can unambigously interpret is (and I'm not sure it is correct, but that's beyond my expertise). There are a couple of ways you could render this into more natural, less ambiguous prose—all while keeping some of the structure or cadence intact. I'll give one:

SUGGESTION

Listen well. You haven't fought a single real battle...
until now.
Suicide attempts?
Unilateral slaughters?
Those aren't real battles.
But when you wield your sword against a dangerous enemy
so you can protect what matters to you?
That's a real battle, because you must fight
lest you lose something dear.

There are several odd ambiguities in the original that I was forced to remove:
- "Suicide" is ambiguous between enemies throwing themselves at Firo and Firo throwing himself into battle hoping to die. I chose the latter, since it made more sense in context
-"It" in "it can not be lost" lacks a clear antecedent; it could be either the battle, or the important thing (taisetsu na mono, i'm guessing). I assumed the latter.
Probably more I could say, but I'm tired, I've looked this over way too many times, and it's getting late.

Here are a few other lines from chapter 13, and what I'd consider more natural renderings in context:

1.

ORIGINAL

Who knew bringing down that king-class fella would be so bountiful?

SUGGESTION

Who'd have thought that king-class fella would drop so much loot?

2.

ORIGINAL

I never thought we'd have such a bad outcome in the relic palace's sanctum...

SUGGESTIONS

I never imagined we'd leave the sanctum of the relic palace empty-handed....
I'd figured we'd at least get something from the sanctum of the relic palace...

This isn't unreadable, but it's clunky. A reword helps a bit and keeps the meaning. Both "relic palace's sanctum" and "sanctum of the relic palace" are a mouthful, though. It's hard to make it flow well.

3.

ORIGINAL

Being told to ignore those boxes by the treasure-crazed Seren...
I figured something like that was the case.

SUGGESTION

Seren is obsessed with treasure, but she told us to ignore those chests.
So I figured something was up.

Epithets like "the treasure-crazed Seren" just aren't used in everyday English. They're primarily associated with poetry, especially stuff like Homer. Avoiding them is a good policy.


Really, I would just try to recruit a good editor. Mizukami Satoshi is a pretty popular mangaka, as it goes. You probably won't have -that- hard a time getting someone to vet your prose.

 

[Neeji]

Solte optimals video when?

 

[DSbro]

I am grateful to see this translated, don't get me wrong. But if you're asking for feedback...

1) Don't put English SFX over JP SFX. It's ugly, it overcrowds the page, and it obscures the actual art and composition in a lot of places. Either wholly redraw the SFX or simply add a note. This inbetween is grotesquely unprofessional and looks far worse than either of your other options.

2) The TL is stilted. Far too many sentences have an unnatural structure, or bizarre wording choices. An example from chapter 12:

I'm going to assume the gist of the TL is correct here, or at least that what I can unambigously interpret is (and I'm not sure it is correct, but that's beyond my expertise). There are a couple of ways you could render this into more natural, less ambiguous prose—all while keeping some of the structure or cadence intact. I'll give one:



There are several odd ambiguities in the original that I was forced to remove:
- "Suicide" is ambiguous between enemies throwing themselves at Firo and Firo throwing himself into battle hoping to die. I chose the latter, since it made more sense in context
-"It" in "it can not be lost" lacks a clear antecedent; it could be either the battle, or the important thing (taisetsu na mono, i'm guessing). I assumed the latter.
Probably more I could say, but I'm tired, I've looked this over way too many times, and it's getting late.

Here are a few other lines from chapter 13, and what I'd consider more natural renderings in context:

1.



2.



This isn't unreadable, but it's clunky. A reword helps a bit and keeps the meaning. Both "relic palace's sanctum" and "sanctum of the relic palace" are a mouthful, though. It's hard to make it flow well.

3.



Epithets like "the treasure-crazed Seren" just aren't used in everyday English. They're primarily associated with poetry, especially stuff like Homer. Avoiding them is a good policy.


Really, I would just try to recruit a good editor. Mizukami Satoshi is a pretty popular mangaka, as it goes. You probably won't have -that- hard a time getting someone to vet your prose.

Thanks for the great feedback. This will be immediately incorporated into next chapter. As for an editor... I'll try to shop around and see if I can find anyone!