Okay, I'll bite. You're being more careful with apostrophes this time (didn't get all of them, but a significant improvement) but watch out for the commas too. English tends to put in a lot of pauses in a conversation and when these are missing it feels odd and rushed. This isn't an exhaustive list by any means, but:
6.1 - 'Ikoma-san, I think it's'
6.3 - 'N-no, sorry, do as you like...'
7.4 - 'What's wrong, senpai?'
7.5 - 'Oh, sorry, it's nothing.'
13.5 - 'No problem. I'll catch him right away.'
To me, as a native speaker, 'Ikoma-san I think it's...' feels strange in my head, like someone's rushing breathlessly through a sentence without stopping. It's enough that I even notice it just reading past it.
More complex wording choice / notes. I can only guess at these since I don't have the raws, but they stood out to me.
2.4 - 'Ritsuka's love is not enough' -> feels like a mistranslation here. He doesn't have Ritsuka's lunch in the first place. Without seeing the raws, I'd assume this is something like 'It's not enough... without Ritsuka's love I'll starve and die' or something. As it is, it's a bit confusing. (Also, you don't really starve 'for' something - more like you're starved 'of' something.)
3.3 - 'I'm going to the convenience store for now' -> In english, this is really flat and not something you'd say in conversation. 'I'll go to the store for now', or 'Oh well, I'm off to the store, then' or any number of variations.
3.4 - 'Oh well, do you want to go out with me' -> 'oh well' implies sympathy, which sure doesn't look like it on her face. 'Oh! Well, do you want to go out with me?'
4.2 - Feels a bit weird. The thrust of the meaning here is 'don't take too long'. Unless the boss is expecting them to ditch entirely?
5.1 - It'd be pretty rude to just go 'Lunch Set...' to a waitress in English. 'I'll have the lunch set... what about you, Ikoma?'
5.2 - 'Please reduce the number of breads by one' -> Very literal translation, surely? Are you gonna get multiple breads with your meal? Is this supposed to be 'no bread with mine, thanks' or something similar?
5.3 - Probably better as 'Are you really going to ask a woman that?'
6.2 - 'To noisy' -> 'too noisy', but also 'noisy' is a bit too literal. 'nosy' would do, but it could also refer to 'making a big deal of something'. 'I guess I'm sticking my nose in a bit too much' or idk something like that.
8.5/8.6 - With the bubbles being the shape they are, I'd reword this to put more impact on the last word. 'Compared to other people, senpai, you're a bit... / ... different.' The panels do kind of run counter to that, though, so hmm. I dunno.
10.1 - 'Isn't that right' -> Not something you'd really say. Either 'Is that right...' if he's being polite and nonconfrontational, or 'That can't be right...' if he's protesting.
10.3 - 'Better' feels off here. Was it supposed to be something like 'I like you more this way'?
11.2 - 'Payed' -> 'Paid'. You got it right in 11.1!
11.2/3 - Something's been lost here. I think in 11.2 it should be more like 'It'd look like I was expecting you to pay for me', and then 11.3 it should be 'If I wanted to be pampered, I'd use my body to entice you'. (Note the subject here - they're talking about him paying for her, so I'm assuming from that the subject is her.)
16.4 - Probably meant to be 'Was I a little too conspicuous?' given he's worried about that in the past.
16.5 - Similarly, I suspect this is probably meant to be along the lines of telling himself 'don't act too weird, Ikoma-san's right there'
18.4 - You don't really need to repeat Ritsuka's name here, esp. since she's the subject of the conversation already. 'I didn't see any messages from her... maybe she was trying to bring my lunch as a surprise?'
26.1 - In English it's more like 'you've done it now', especially with the snigger afterwards.
26.4 - This is probably meant to be the guy's thought bubble - 'Maybe... she's actually really mad!'