When i was young, me and my brother used to live in my grandmother's home, which is in a different state from our dad's home. We couldn't live with our dad for some family situations. My mother used to be really busy with work too.
I spent 7 years of my life in my grandmother's home. She literally raised us. Our dad used to visit us occasionally. But yea, that's it. I really loved that place. It was calm, peaceful anx fun. After my mom and dad got back together, we moved back to another state. It was really painful, but after a year and so, it became normal. I missed my grandma. we kept visiting her occasionally and that's it. After about a year and a half, we had to move again to another state because of my mom's work. It was horrible. Just when we started adapting, bam. Both me and my brother were really upset and mom promised that we won't have to move any soon. Well, about 4 years later, we had to move again. By that time, i stopped caring about our houses. Because of the constant moving, our houses were always a bare minimum and i hated that. We weren't the wealthiest either so it was worse.
We moved three times after that. The last house we lived in(not the current one) was a really small house. We lived there for 4 years. I didn't have my own room and had to share one with my brother and my grandma. (my grandma got really sick so we brought her here to live with us) sharing a room with my brother was really awkward and embarrassing for a teenage girl in puberty lol. I hated our house and started hating the people around me too. I pressured my mom to move to a better house so that i can have my own room. My attitude became bad. Towards everyone.
In 2018, we moved to our current house. And my grandmother moved to another state with her son, my uncle. (my uncle's family wasn't very welcoming to my grandmother. Which was why we insisted she lived with us. But she left anyway)
Now 2 years later, i have a nice room, i have my privacy, but it's extremely lonely and painful. Grandmother left us on april 1st. I couldn't go see her because of corona lockdown. Now, all i feel is regret. For a lot of things. For not treasuring the things i had. We never told grandma to go back. But maybe because of me she felt like she was a burden. Idk honestly. It's just painful. I just want to go back. To the time when i was 5. I want to tell her how much i love her. I want to treasure my time with her, mom and my brother. My brother and i barely talk now. I just want to go back. Even the memories i have from my old house, i miss it. I just wish i could do more. Ik it's not possible. But if a miracle would happen, rather than being isekaid or shit like that, i want to go back to that time.
Welp. since it isn't possible, the only thing i can do is get my shit together and treasure the things i have now. I wonder how tho