tl;dr Abuse can be mutual. Reciprocation is no excuse.
Siiigh… this is exactly what BDSM clubs were feeling when 50SOG came out, isn't it?
You find her behaviour both viscerally satisfying and narratively justified. I find it neither. We can agree to disagree on that; it's more of a matter of personal taste. I'd even be willing to concede “she has the moral high ground”.
But then you go “It's not abuse because they were asking for it. They deserved it. They had to be put in their place. And they even enjoyed it!”
Not to put too fine a point on it, but FUCK. THAT. NOISE.
From where I'm standing, it's almost comical to say “She's not an abuser!” and then proceed to list several different examples of abuse. Your actual counter-point is not “that doesn't constitute abuse”, your actual counter-point is “it's retaliatory and therefore justified”. Which is a motte-and-bailey tactic. I'm conceding the motte; I'm not conceding the bailey. To put it succinctly: Mutual abuse is still abuse. And, for the record, a power dynamic is neither necessary nor sufficient for that.
PS: Condemning someone to death is not murder. At the absolute least, it's disingenuous to claim that they warrant the same response.
...I'm going to keep my temper because if I'm fair, I probably came across as condescending, which might have set the tone. It wasn't my intention, and I apologize if I came across as patronizing.
Bringing up 50 Shades is a little funny because I actually have strong opinions about it. Specifically, I think the backlash has had a net negative impact on how BDSM-fans are compelled to talk about fictional BDSM. This is just my personal opinion, but I don't think it's useful to fixate on what constitutes "real" and "fake" bdsm in a fictional context. To drag out that long siiiiigghhhh, the beleaguered educator informing a naive idiot whose clearly unaware that if there's no consent, it's not
true bdsm...it's a little insulting, is what I'm saying.
But then you go “It's not abuse because they were asking for it. They deserved it. They had to be put in their place. And they even enjoyed it!”
I...didn't say this? I'm scouring my own comment and the closest I came to saying "they asked for it" is when I screenshot a page where a guy who's introduced as the
tsundere character is literally imagining a humiliating event that did not happen. I was joking about his tsundere feelings. He was not actually abused in this situation, even by your own definition of what abuse is. Let me reiterate: when she says "since we both know you don't really hate this❤️"
THAT IS A DREAM. HIS DREAM. SHE DID NOT SAY THIS. HE IS CONVINCING HIMSELF THAT HE HATES A FANTASY HE CAME UP WITH.
You asked why they can't just find sex workers and I answered your question. I didn't blame anyone, I pointed out that this guy is fantasizing about being spanked in front of someone on his own free time but struggling to accept that, thus it's unrealistic that he would verbalize these desires to another party.
This is difficult to talk about because I can sort of tell we have very different beliefs about how fiction does and should work, especially since you didn't engage with my
I don't believe in corporal punishment but like as a fictional device/narrative? I feel like you can say that's a tolerable response? An eye for an eye might make the world blind but for the purposes of low-stakes comedic vigilantism, all of Freya's responses are silly and imo unworthy of the term abuse.
at all. This would be fine, except you're definitely insinuating I'm fine with abuse and worse, insulting my reading skills. So I'll try again and hope we're on the same page this time:
When I say I don't consider this "abuse," it's NOT because I think abuse is okay when the person is bad. It's NOT because I'm unfamiliar with mutually abusive relationships. It's NOT because I think abuse is negated once someone derives pleasure from it. If I were in a more annoying mood, I would outline why those specific accusations are especially wild given my personal tastes (hint: I like stories about abuse and the realistic ramifications of it, I LOVE stories about unlikable victims whose abuse is ignored/dismissed because they're hated, and I drop stories for handling those particular topics poorly. 19 Days, you should have just dropped the bully couple).
I don't consider this "abuse" because...It's just not that kind of manga. In the same way I don't consider the average Spider-man vs Mysterio comic about abuse. I didn't really think I'd persuade you but this manga is the gag comedy BDSM version of this to me:
Like yeah, I could definitely argue that this is an image of mutual abuse, but it feels kind of trivializing and a bit disrespectful to do so*. When I gave examples of Freya retaliating, I didn't mean her actions were cancelled out and her victims
deserved her abuse, I was emphasizing the vigilante elements that make it odd to think in terms of relationship abuse:
- she only acts in retaliation
- her reactions are not excessive or out of pocket. mean words to mean words, rapists get a butt smack
- she's not making up reasons to abuse people.
She's swooping in to save Emily and backtalk sexism. From a narrative, contextual perspective, I just can't view it in the same lens as you. We can agree to disagree, but I don't like you telling me my perspective is the same as victim blaming and I really don't like you implying I'm an abuser. We have different comic book opinions, that's it.
And on a more serious note, mutual abuse/mutually abusive relationships aren't typically "I only hit if you hit me first." That's another reason I hesitate to call it mutually abusive - that term implies a complexity and nuance that isn't depicted here. I'll keep saying that it's my personal opinion because it is but it really does feel dismissive to refer to hitting someone after they tried to rape your sister or telling someone to fuck off after they slut-shamed your sister as "mutual abuse." Like I guess...? I'm not justifying her actions, I'm saying that just...doesn't feel like the right term to me.
PS: Condemning someone to death is not murder. At the absolute least, it's disingenuous to claim that they warrant the same response.
Oh, okay, what happens after the villainess gets condemned in an otome game. What happens when the monarchist's heir of a fantasy sadist land says you're going to die. Fair trial, right. Jury of your peers.
*don't @ me, I used to be cape comic fan. I'm well aware they can explore abuse motifs. They usually aren't though.