Like many others have said the English is done very well for having no one with that as their first language on the team. I had the time and the inclination so I decided to help. Feel free to use or not use any of these suggestions. Some of them are small tweaks to make it flow well for a native speaker other's are a little more painful. You won't offend me if you don't end up using any these correction. Also, I'm not an English major or grammar Nazi so it may not always be 'proper English' but it will always sound more natural. Also, everything will be in American in English so you can deal with the difference between 'color' and 'colour.'
Page 2:
Original-Damn... How many times this monster will regenerate itself?
Corrected- Damn... How many times will this monster regenerate itself?
I can't for the life of me think what VRRRPG stands for. Normaly it would just be VRRPG or even MMOVRRPG. However that's minor and seems difficult to mess up in translation
Original-Your own brain is the controller you'll need to play at this game.
Corrected-Your own brain is the controller you'll need to play this game.
In or with could also work but this feels the most natural to me
super minor but dozen should be dozens
Page 3
Original-My gamestyle own me the nickname of The Destroyer.
Corrected-My gamestyle has earned me the nickname of The Destroyer.
Like a lot of these this isn't the only way to put it. This one was just the first and closest to yours that came to me.
Also super minor, but damages sounds better as damage
Page 4
Lol, dude. Don't see that much anymore... Keep it ;-)
Original-Sorry, I also leave.
Corrected-Sorry, I'll also leave. or better yet Sorry, me too.
This one feels like the stereotypical grammar mistake that a non English speaker would make.
Original-Okay, we stop here for tonight.
Corrected-Okay, we'll stop here for tonight.
Gotta watch those contractions. 😁
Page 5
Original-I was working as programmer before for a big compagny before.
Corrected-I was working as a programmer for a big company[b/] before.
This was one of the most awkward sentences. You could also move the 'before' from the end of the sentence to the beginning. Also, company was one of the few times you misspelled a word. 🙂
Original-That's why I play all day with my favorite video game.
Corrected-That's why I play all day in my favorite video game.
Better-That's why I play my favorite video game all day.
This one's minor. Your could also maybe use 'on', but it is a VR game. It'll sound even better using the last one.
Original-I didn't expect so many xp... I'll need to use all my new skill points.
Corrected-I didn't expect so much xp... I'll need to use all my new skill points.
It would also be fine to use 'many xp points.' Without the word points I guess it's seen as something not measured with numbers...? Don't ask me. English has a lot of idiosyncrasies.
Page 6
Orig-You who dare trying to seal me!
It still works since it's dramatized anyway, but it would sound better as:
Corr-You who dare to try and seal me!
Page 7
Original-all light in Japan vanished in the same time.
Corrected-all light in Japan vanished at the same time.
Original-A dozen of people were find dead at their homes.
Corrected-A dozen people were found dead in their homes.
'at their homes' is perfectly fine it just sounds better with 'in.' Also, It could be 'dozens of people' if your talking about multiple dozens.
Original-And nobody know why or how.
Corrected-And nobody knew why or how.
You had already established the past tense in the previous sentence. And also, just FYI because of mass cultural habit most people would use the word order 'how or why.' Its utterly meaningless though.
Original-Like if the lifes of the civilians worth nothing to them.
Corrected-As if the lives of the civilians were worth nothing to them.
These are just about the right prepositional phrases and the proper plural.
Page 8
Original-It look like the clothes we can find in the game.
Corrected-It looks like the clothes that can be find in the game.
You could also just replace we with you, since he's alone and proposing an abstract observation.
Page 9
This is minor but it could be better as "I've lost my mind for good" in the last bubble of frame one
TYPO
Orig-Statut
Corr-Status
Page 10
Original-Something wrong... Really wrong!
Corrected-Something's wrong... Really wrong!
Original-I never see those stats anywhere before.
Corrected-I never saw those stats anywhere before.
Original-Hi, I'm Megami-chan, there are some informations for you.
Corrected-Hi, I'm Megami-chan, there is some information for you.
Alternate-Hi, I'm Megami-chan, here is some information for you.
Page 11
"I have a bad feeling about this." Said in every Star Wars movie. Just a bit of free trivia.
Original-The evil spirit that your friends and you has sealed will be fee in a few years.
Corrected-The evil spirit that your friends and you have sealed will be free in a few years
Original-Sadly... The evil spirit force your friend to commit suicide with his powers.
Corrected-Sadly... The evil spirit forced your friends to commit suicide with his powers.
Original-Suicides?
Corrected-Suicide!?
Since he is just exclaiming what was already said you use what was already said. Also, you can combine exclamation with almost anything.
Original-And I'm the responsable?
Corrected-And I'm responsible!?
Alternate-And I'm the one responsible!?
I personally think the first correction is better but the second works.
Original-When I found at that your friends were dead, I decided to teleport you in this world to save you.
Corrected-When I found out that your friend were dead, I decided to teleport you to this world to save you.
Technically it should be my goddess friends and I but she IS a goddess and who cares!?
Page 12
Original-And you're also lucky that I was able to recover the data from your caracter to recreate you.
Corrected-And you're also lucky that I was able to recover the data from your characterto recreate you.
The next few sentences are a little awkward but could be left the way it is except can't is spelled wrong.
Original-Good luck to survive in this new world.
Corrected-Good luck surviving in this new world.
Original-I'll punch you so hard if I ever met you!
Corrected-I'll punch you so hard if I ever meet you!
Page 13
CONGRATULATIONS! NUMBER 13 WAS YOU LUCKY NUMBER! No corrections.
Page 14
none
Page 15
Original-This forest is a huge trap or what?
Corrected-Is this forest a huge trap or what?
It can be left as it is but it should be phrased as a question
Page 16
Original-They eat everything they can found.
Corrected-They eat everything they can find.
Alternate-They eat everything that can be found.
Page 17 Nada
Page 18 Zilch
Page 19 Nix
Page 20
Original-I didn't want to come this far.
Corrected-I didn't want to go this far.
Alternate-I didn't want to take it this far.
Original-Like if a missile explode on her face.
Corrected-Like if a missile exploded on her face.
Teensy, minor thing but is might be better in last bubble to have 'changed are giving me a headache.' However, it really doesn't need to changed
Page 21 Nope
Page 22
The note under frame one should be 'said' or 'says.'
Orig-duc
Corr-Duke
As other's have said, in English it's not duc but Duke Someone even said something about "grand duke" but I wouldn't know about that.
Original-Failure is not tolered.
Corrected-Failure is not tolerated.
Last bubble says 'in the right time' but it would be more natural to just say 'in time'
Page 23
Original-Destiny will play a funny trick to the girl who will meet a Great sage.
Corrected-Destiny will play a funny trick on the girl who will meet a Great Sage.
You play a trick 'on' not 'to.' Also, while we're at it the 's' but that one doesn't matter in the slightest.
UGH... That was more exhausting than I thought it would be. Anyways, you guys did well (or good to tick of grammar nazis). Most of your mistake related to Past or Present tense. The other major one was something called 'subject verb agreement.' It's when you add an 's' or whatever when the subject is plural. Most of these mistake would have caught with Grammarly or Microsoft Office.
Auf weder sehen.
P.S.- I know a little of a few different languages but french is one I know very little about. 😄
PPS- I noticed that someone else took over the scanlation... But my corrections still stand since there is no other version submitted to mangadex.