pg 2 "ducal family" I had to look up this word. Please don't use obscure words in translations unless absolutely necessary. You could easily just say "duke's family"
while I know what "perilous" means, it's uncommon enough to cause reading of the text to slow down to process it
"It means we've to consider an insurrection" -> "It means we have to [consider]/[prepare for] the possibility of a rebellion". don't contract "we have" to "we've". Also, without the extra info "the possibility of", it makes the line seem like she's the one instigating the insurrection. Also would've been better to use another word instead of "insurrection", it's not a common enough word.
pg 3 "go and cultivate the territory that has been given you" -> "go and cultivate the territory that has been given to you"
"I'm sure they've their own reasons" -> "I'm sure they have their own reasons". same as before, don't contract "have". Only reasonable case of contracting "have" is when followed by another verb phrase, like "I've done it already", or "I've fallen ill", "They've been resting at home", "We've eaten many things before", "What I've seen is the stuff of nightmares". "they have" may be somewhat contracted in speech [ðeɪ hæv] -> [ðeɪ ə̯v] or [ðeɪ æv], but there's still another syllable there, and contracting this in text is not common.
pg 4 "and if I get the chance to destroy my enemy, so much the better" -> "and if I get the chance to destroy my enemy, so much the even better". also optionally flip the order to -> "(it'll be) even better if I get the chance to destroy my enemy"
"You've to let us know"-> "You have to let us know". Every native English speaker will emphasize "have" as a separate word in this context, unless its function is replaced by another word ("you've gotta let us know").
pg 5 "and they will be falling all over themselves to help you" -> "and they'll (all) be falling (all) over each other to help you". flow issue. "all" could go in either position. fine to contract "will" here.
pg 6 "but there's a self-imposed limit on arrogance which you won't allow yourself to go beyond" bro why is this so long, the Asura version is half the length and means basically the same thing. "but you won't let your arrogance go too far" is sufficient
not sure why both you and Asura used "vicarious"/"vicariously" here, I legit had to look it up.
pg 7 "accursed land", not sure if you mean "land that is hated" or "literally land that is magically cursed by gods/etc". If by the former, use another word. If the latter, just use cursed. Asura used just "cursed" so I assume the latter, though the context could be either.