Ushimitsu Gao - Vol. 1 Ch. 9

[sixtem]

Expect what exactly was he suppose to do? Force himself in? She's locked the door and every attempt he's made he's shut down. . . . He believes her at her word because he's never experienced her acting like this as he said because being vague is not how you communicate with him.

He could always have a conversation through the door and not just walk away the moment she insists it's a cold.

You said she was comforted by someone who's attentive to her sexual and emotional needs and felt safe?

Being emotionally attentive and tender is not what mainstream society usually calls "strength."

 

[Theozilla]

Why should they? Yes her current state is terrible and she's basically at death's door but the problem is her actions are what caused this. If she didn't cheat none of this would happen. Of course people are going to bring it up because it's actively causing her suffering. This logic you're putting is like getting mad at people for pointing out the fact someone did cocaine and not the why. It's gaslighting to ignore the immoral actions to put more blame on the person for not understanding they're the reason someone's like this when something does go wrong whether it is true or not.

The cocaine addiction scenario actually isn't an unfair comparison, but the way it's being framed is also kinda illustrating the point being missed, as regardless of whether someone got into a cocaine addiction completely of their own free will and volition, people can also simultaneously be pretty unimpressed/displeased at finding out that said addict's partner (or any kind of expected support system) has completely ignored and/or been uninterested in the fact that the addict has spiraled out of control due to the addict partaking in drugs 24/7.

 

[deenzfan12]

IMO when you get on one of ItaParu's wild rides it's important to sit them through to their conclusion before getting really mad about anything lol

Perhaps I intellectualize it too much but after going from hating Beastars during its run to appreciating it at its conclusion I take reading her works as a real-time practice of C. Thi Nguyen's ideas in his paper Trust and Sincerity in Art. She doesn't always stick the landing but I believe she's earnestly trying to portray her own observations on complex societal subjects without holding any of her individuality back. I try to approach her work with similar earnesty and an appreciation for unabashed individuality even at the times I don't agree with her because I feel like what she does isn't easy to find, and even less frequently given the chance to do so so prolifically.

 

[Kushikime]

Thanks for the chapter

 

[Weoooo]

Why should they? Yes her current state is terrible and she's basically at death's door but the problem is her actions are what caused this. If she didn't cheat none of this would happen. Of course people are going to bring it up because it's actively causing her suffering. This logic you're putting is like getting mad at people for pointing out the fact someone did cocaine and not the why. It's gaslighting to ignore the immoral actions to put more blame on the person for not understanding they're the reason someone's like this when something does go wrong whether it is true or not.

What? I'm not talking about Megumi. I'm talking about Megumi's friend, who looked at the husband with disgust. We all know Megumi did this to herself, it's not about that. It's also not about the friend cheating, which is what people are getting hung up on. The reason she looks at him with that "what the fuck are you doing" expression is because of what she saw, and getting hung up on the friend having an affair is missing the point.

Expect what exactly was he suppose to do? Force himself in? She's locked the door and every attempt he's made he's shut down. This bitch whining at him that he's lame will come off as disgusting to people because of her actions regardless whether she has a point. And the wife is locking herself in there not wanting to see her husband. He believes her at her word because he's never experienced her acting like this as he said because being vague is not how you communicate with him.

Yes. He shouldn't just leave food outside her door and let her stay in her room for days. Lemmie tell you a story.

See, a while back, I was living alone. And having a bad time. One day, I just stopped bothering talking to people. I didn't sign on to Steam, didn't bother to answer the phone, locked the front door, and lost the will to do much of anything.

My brother and mom got worried, drove an hour and a half to the place I lived, got the spare key, and came in and found me. Because they were worried about me.
I know you've seen this play out in another story, cause I know you're also reading 13-sai no actress. When someone cuts themself off suddenly, the thing to do isn't to just let it happen. You step in, you intervene, you try hard to help, because you care about them. Megumi's friend is right. He's acting lame as hell here. Cause of course he is, that he's lame as hell is the whole point. None of this would've happened if he wasn't lame as hell.

That is literally strength. Like you say I'm not getting it but I do? You literally just explained a NTR story right then and there. Which lo and behold are popular with woman. Because he lacks strength which when I say this translates to masculine character, frame, confidence. I don't just mean sex drive and thinking I do is willfully ignorant. You said she was comforted by someone who's attentive to her sexual and emotional needs and felt safe? You mean like any NTR story where a wife feels no more love from her husband or perceives she doesn't and gets stolen away by a strong masculine man who gives her what she wants sexually and emotionally? You can't be this dense.

I can tell this story is written by a woman because NTR wife/husband stories follow this formula to a tee. The fact you think I'm missing the point when if anything eveything you said wasn't rebutting me just proved me right.

Again, you wiff. The story of a lonely, unappreciated woman in a relationship being whisked away by an exciting and possibly dangerous man is literally one of the most core romance book plots, yeah. You're not missing that. You're not missing the hook or the setup.

What you're missing is that what makes the husband a problem isn't his lack of masculine frame or character or even his confidence. This story could easily play out the same, and even make him a less appealing character, if he had a strong personality and confidence.
The problem is that he isn't attentive. He doesn't take the time to understand her. He ignores what she wants, doesn't really care about any complaint she has and largely dismisses them, and even just pushes aside the biggest part of her character, that the lady can see and talk to ghosts.
That his flaw is that he's just kind of a fragile and insecure dude is what gives the story nuance. He's not a bad guy. He's not abusive nor even really means to be as dismissive as he comes off as. If he was stronger, was more assertive and confident, was more proactive and deliberate in his inattentiveness and dismissiveness, he'd be a harder character to feel bad for.

Is that part of the NTR storylines sometimes too? Sure. But usually that's when they're dude focused, so you can revel in the conflict he has between his despair and his arousal. The romance book setup usually has the husband deliberately and obviously cold and indifferent, seeing his wife as an object of convenience or a possession rather than a person. That, again, has nothing to do with confidence or power, but rather attention and care.
Because at the heart of the lonely housewife's heart being stolen by a devilish rake isn't that her husband isn't strong or masculine enough for her. It's that she doesn't feel loved. Is the devilish rake charming, handsome, and even a bit dangerous? Yeah, of course. That's the excitement, the over the top element that makes it a thrilling tale of forbidden romance instead of just someone having an affair. But the heart, the desire, is that the devilish rake actually loves her when her husband doesn't.
What's astounding to me is that you very clearly have read these stories and somehow missed what's being expressed. I don't know how you've managed to do this.

 

[Weoooo]

I agree with most of what you're saying, though I disagree a bit on this portion. The husband is terrible at communication, but so is the wife. Part of this can be chalked up to Japanese culture, but it's pretty clear she's not communicated her feelings very well given how far off his understanding of them is. She no longer tries and even lies to him about how things are going (as seen in the first chapter).

The husband does have a complete lack of curiosity, though. He doesn't attempt to pry even when it's for their mutual benefit, he just accepts things at face value since it's easier (which is made worse by his wife being dishonest).

When I said that she tried to talk to him and he shuts her down, I was only talking about what happened before the first chapter that was alluded to in how he talked during the first chapter. After the ghost-cheating goes full swing, she starts avoiding discussion about it as well as lying about how she feels. Cause, you know, she's fuckin' a freaky ghost man. I suppose it's all up to interpretation because its not exactly text, but that he reacts to her going 'um so about last night' with 'cmon, are you gonna tell me you weren't satisfied again? Whatever, we're not doing it until you're ovulating' really gives off the impression that she has tried to talk to him, but he brushes it aside. That he brushes it aside out of insecurity and embarrassment is the wrinkle that's introduced later, but I feel like it was established that she has tried to talk to him about how she wishes he'd hold her hand and he's like "LADY I'M DOING MY BEST HERE"
After all, the inciting incident is the sleep paralysis where the ghost is staring at her. We see her cry at the sight of his back; she's paralyzed, frightened, having a ghost stand over her and stare at her, but her husband has turned away. I have a hard time setting that aside, the framing seems way too significant to not have that be demonstrative of a long-term relationship dynamic.

The guy's lack of curiosity and meteoric density is shocking; which is why its the comedy element of this chapter. Like holy shit man I thought the story was gonna turn when he was like "you look like a god damn skeleton," but no. Kept on going.

 

[Speederzdk]

When I said that she tried to talk to him and he shuts her down, I was only talking about what happened before the first chapter that was alluded to in how he talked during the first chapter. After the ghost-cheating goes full swing, she starts avoiding discussion about it as well as lying about how she feels. Cause, you know, she's fuckin' a freaky ghost man. I suppose it's all up to interpretation because its not exactly text, but that he reacts to her going 'um so about last night' with 'cmon, are you gonna tell me you weren't satisfied again? Whatever, we're not doing it until you're ovulating' really gives off the impression that she has tried to talk to him, but he brushes it aside. That he brushes it aside out of insecurity and embarrassment is the wrinkle that's introduced later, but I feel like it was established that she has tried to talk to him about how she wishes he'd hold her hand and he's like "LADY I'M DOING MY BEST HERE"
After all, the inciting incident is the sleep paralysis where the ghost is staring at her. We see her cry at the sight of his back; she's paralyzed, frightened, having a ghost stand over her and stare at her, but her husband has turned away. I have a hard time setting that aside, the framing seems way too significant to not have that be demonstrative of a long-term relationship dynamic.

The guy's lack of curiosity and meteoric density is shocking; which is why its the comedy element of this chapter. Like holy shit man I thought the story was gonna turn when he was like "you look like a god damn skeleton," but no. Kept on going.

It’s most definitely a difference in interpretation. I’m not really going to assume that she has been better at communicating because we haven’t really seen her do much to show she would be. At the same time, I’m also not going to assume the husband has been trying his hardest to change. Because we just don’t see this or much hints towards that. His dismissive nature might be why she doesn’t communicate better, but it also might not. His lack of trying in the right ways may be because of her bad communication, but it might not be. We don’t know.

Like you interpret “'um so about last night' with 'cmon, are you gonna tell me you weren't satisfied again? Whatever, we're not doing it until you're ovulating'” as her probably having communicated once and getting shot down, but it could just as easily be interpreted as her saying exactly what he says she said, that he didn’t satisfy her again, without helpful input beyond that. Again, we just don’t know.

Instead I interpret them as what is, unfortunately, fairly normal for Japanese culture. That is a couple that doesn’t communicate their problems and that doesn’t try more than is bare minimum. There’s a reason cheating is as rampant there as it is and I don’t really have any reason to see it otherwise for now.

 

[spectralSpices]

"I WANT TO STOP CUCKING YOU. DUDE. BE A BETTER HUSBAND"
"Such strange coincidences plague me...how odd, but rational and explainable."

 

[Souyo]

Why should they? Yes her current state is terrible and she's basically at death's door but the problem is her actions are what caused this. If she didn't cheat none of this would happen. Of course people are going to bring it up because it's actively causing her suffering. This logic you're putting is like getting mad at people for pointing out the fact someone did cocaine and not the why. It's gaslighting to ignore the immoral actions to put more blame on the person for not understanding they're the reason someone's like this when something does go wrong whether it is true or not.

Expect what exactly was he suppose to do? Force himself in? She's locked the door and every attempt he's made he's shut down. This bitch whining at him that he's lame will come off as disgusting to people because of her actions regardless whether she has a point. And the wife is locking herself in there not wanting to see her husband. He believes her at her word because he's never experienced her acting like this as he said because being vague is not how you communicate with him.

That is literally strength. Like you say I'm not getting it but I do? You literally just explained a NTR story right then and there. Which lo and behold are popular with woman. Because he lacks strength which when I say this translates to masculine character, frame, confidence. I don't just mean sex drive and thinking I do is willfully ignorant. You said she was comforted by someone who's attentive to her sexual and emotional needs and felt safe? You mean like any NTR story where a wife feels no more love from her husband or perceives she doesn't and gets stolen away by a strong masculine man who gives her what she wants sexually and emotionally? You can't be this dense.

I can tell this story is written by a woman because NTR wife/husband stories follow this formula to a tee. The fact you think I'm missing the point when if anything eveything you said wasn't rebutting me just proved me right.

Yay, someone who can read this and comprehend what is taking place!

 

[TheBlackGamer]

What? I'm not talking about Megumi. I'm talking about Megumi's friend, who looked at the husband with disgust. We all know Megumi did this to herself, it's not about that. It's also not about the friend cheating, which is what people are getting hung up on. The reason she looks at him with that "what the fuck are you doing" expression is because of what she saw, and getting hung up on the friend having an affair is missing the point.

What you don't understand is that people aren't going to want to listen or take advice from hypocrites. That's why people shit on the friend even when they have point. I don't understand how you can't get this point. Like ye the wife is going through stuff and his response is bad but readers are going to get annoyed at her because we know who she is as a person. It's not hard to understand.

Yes. He shouldn't just leave food outside her door and let her stay in her room for days. Lemmie tell you a story.

See, a while back, I was living alone. And having a bad time. One day, I just stopped bothering talking to people. I didn't sign on to Steam, didn't bother to answer the phone, locked the front door, and lost the will to do much of anything.

My brother and mom got worried, drove an hour and a half to the place I lived, got the spare key, and came in and found me. Because they were worried about me.
I know you've seen this play out in another story, cause I know you're also reading 13-sai no actress. When someone cuts themself off suddenly, the thing to do isn't to just let it happen. You step in, you intervene, you try hard to help, because you care about them. Megumi's friend is right. He's acting lame as hell here. Cause of course he is, that he's lame as hell is the whole point. None of this would've happened if he wasn't lame as hell.

Again, you wiff. The story of a lonely, unappreciated woman in a relationship being whisked away by an exciting and possibly dangerous man is literally one of the most core romance book plots, yeah. You're not missing that. You're not missing the hook or the setup.

What you're missing is that what makes the husband a problem isn't his lack of masculine frame or character or even his confidence. This story could easily play out the same, and even make him a less appealing character, if he had a strong personality and confidence.
The problem is that he isn't attentive. He doesn't take the time to understand her. He ignores what she wants, doesn't really care about any complaint she has and largely dismisses them, and even just pushes aside the biggest part of her character, that the lady can see and talk to ghosts.
That his flaw is that he's just kind of a fragile and insecure dude is what gives the story nuance. He's not a bad guy. He's not abusive nor even really means to be as dismissive as he comes off as. If he was stronger, was more assertive and confident, was more proactive and deliberate in his inattentiveness and dismissiveness, he'd be a harder character to feel bad for.

Is that part of the NTR storylines sometimes too? Sure. But usually that's when they're dude focused, so you can revel in the conflict he has between his despair and his arousal. The romance book setup usually has the husband deliberately and obviously cold and indifferent, seeing his wife as an object of convenience or a possession rather than a person. That, again, has nothing to do with confidence or power, but rather attention and care.
Because at the heart of the lonely housewife's heart being stolen by a devilish rake isn't that her husband isn't strong or masculine enough for her. It's that she doesn't feel loved. Is the devilish rake charming, handsome, and even a bit dangerous? Yeah, of course. That's the excitement, the over the top element that makes it a thrilling tale of forbidden romance instead of just someone having an affair. But the heart, the desire, is that the devilish rake actually loves her when her husband doesn't.
What's astounding to me is that you very clearly have read these stories and somehow missed what's being expressed. I don't know how you've managed to do this.

I think there's something you're gravely misunderstanding here. I completely understand what you're saying. I understood from the get-go.

I think you think I'm defending the husband's actions when I'm not in the slightest. The reason I use strength and his lack of confidence as a reason he fails is because if he was more confident and more self-assured he would take more interest in his wife. He wouldn't leave food behind the door he would actively try to get her to open the door. He has no self-assurance and because of that he portrays to his wife little interest and is cold. It all stems from that. And for the record if you think attention in relationships is what you need the most to keep a relationship going you're full blown naive. He needs to be strong physically and mentally to keep the relationship going. Giving away all the attention to your wife is just as detrimental as to giving her no attention. From the way he describes himself he lets his mindset and age set him back which in turn leaves him to be cold to his wife. He doesn't have that energy he had with his wife when he was younger and it shows in how he treats her. He's just an old man who'd probably be better off single from the way he acts.

You keep bringing up his lack of curiosity or denseness and I say because he isn't more masculine because he has this go with the flow, path of of least resistance mentality, because he doesn't take charge and have a full sit down discussion with her himself when she's showing issues is the issue I have with the husband.

I have no sympathy for him but here's the thing I don't have sympathy for the wife either. Something I've noticed in this discussion you're putting full blame on the husband and none on the wife something I vehemently disagree with. You claim she's tried to have discussions with him but all I see are a slight question about an issue, he's dismissive and she shuts up. That's not a discussion a couple has. That's a child asking their parents for something for the 13th time and getting told no.

She needs to have a sit down at the dinner table talk with him. Every time she tries to talk to him she makes no attempt to be aggressive and lay out her problems. And now she's at the point of running away from the problem and cheating with some otherworldly being and it's destroying her. For the record I'm generally on a woman's side in stories like this until they start cheating or having the idea that cheating is an option.

At the end of the day this is to me typical Japanese marriage culture of the workholic husband and lonely housewife with a twist. I've seen this story multiple times and I agree whether it be in porn or drama that the husband should show his wife more love or get physically stronger to satisfy her in bed. But I for sure don't give the wife any passes for cheating or not actually giving her all in trying to talk to him. That's my issue with this story it's a typical NTR plot with quirkiness to try and set aside from the other but is just going to be a typical formula. If it ends with the "our relationship is stronger ending" After everything that's happened it'll be like any NTR plot. A waste of time to take seriously.

 

[Kani1337]

Not all art is for everyone I guess. Everybody in this story has grave shortcomings that readers will latch onto and project their baggage on.

 

[Theozilla]

What you don't understand is that people aren't going to want to listen or take advice from hypocrites. That's why people shit on the friend even when they have point. I don't understand how you can't get this point. Like ye the wife is going through stuff and his response is bad but readers are going to get annoyed at her because we know who she is as a person. It's not hard to understand.

The friend may be committing an immoral action (cheating on her own husband), but that doesn't automatically or inherently make her a hypocrite for be exasperated at the fact her friend's husband has been so dense/passively neglectful to the state of his wife.

A person doing bad stuff in one way doesn't mean they can't have non-hypocritical opinions about bad stuff being committed in another way.

He needs to be strong physically

That hasn't really been what the wife has prioritized though? One doesn't need to be physically strong in order to be emotionally attentive and/or affectionate.

 

[TheBlackGamer]

The friend may be committing an immoral action (cheating on her own husband), but that doesn't automatically or inherently make her a hypocrite for be exasperated at the fact her friend's husband has been so dense/passively neglectful to the state of his wife.

A person doing bad stuff in one way doesn't mean they can't have non-hypocritical opinions about bad stuff being committed in another way.

Okay and? It amazes me how many times I've been commented on about this point as if people purposely don't understand. Yes she has a point about his actions. Great, fantastic. We all agree right? Why should I care what an immoral cheater has to say about the actions regarding a relationship about someone else.


Yes she is a hypocrite because she doesn't understand how her actions could be hurting her family and tries to cast judgement on another. This is why people cannot take her criticism seriously because they know what she's done.

It's like if a fat guy was criticizing a chick for being too chubby. Everyone would call that shit out. Why can't you understand why people can't take the friend seriously even when she has a point.

This is what happens when you try to criticize someone on being wrong when you yourself aren't clean either. It blemishes whatever credibility you have even when you have a point.

That hasn't really been what the wife has prioritized though? One doesn't need to be physically strong in order to be emotionally attentive and/or affectionate.

I know manga likes to meme and joke about muscular men. But here in the real world working out and building strength helps in your ability to self-actualize, socialize, build confidence and drive. The husband has none of this and it shows in how he treats his wife and how he sees himself.

Plus the wife is complaining about sex and building some strength can help him want to explore more and have more drive to actually screw her. It seems he treats sex more like a chore than a fun activity couples do. Look how he got morning wood after screwing his wife after being possessed. Look how energetic he feels. Working out and building strength will go a long way to fix his issues physically and mentally and help actually solve the issue of coldness with his wife.

Something to point out has the wife shown one ounce of attraction to her husband? Just obligation from my opinion. A sign the relationship is dead or on it's way to being dead.

Here's something else I'm noticing from a lot of people that keep saying his lack of attention is the sole issue. It's not. It's the biggest issue currently but even if he solved it going from a third party observation this relationship is barely holding on. He just has no confidence or strength that some other issues will crop up. I know this is manga so obviously this might end nice and tightly (Even tho realistically this relationship is fairly dead and these two should separate) but I think the husband is too pathetic (mindset wise) to truly fix all these issues and the wife is too passive as well.

 

[HippoPilot]

Not all art is for everyone I guess. Everybody in this story has grave shortcomings that readers will latch onto and project their baggage on.

The reason for these reactions is because while it's advertised seinen, it's clearly a josei. It's like a bunch of other stuff women like to read that guys don't usually touch but now a bunch of them are because it's Paru writing it. Us guys are left confronting their ideas and preconceived notions of how women act and think and whether they would actually enjoy this or not. So we discuss (argue) about it. So to us instead of smut it's demoralizing propaganda about relationships and wonen. Instead of just the story women would take it at face value for.

 

[Theozilla]

Okay and? It amazes me how many times I've been commented on about this point as if people purposely don't understand. Yes she has a point about his actions. Great, fantastic. We all agree right? Why should I care what an immoral cheater has to say about the actions regarding a relationship about someone else.


Yes she is a hypocrite because she doesn't understand how her actions could be hurting her family and tries to cast judgement on another. This is why people cannot take her criticism seriously because they know what she's done.

It's like if a fat guy was criticizing a chick for being too chubby. Everyone would call that shit out. Why can't you understand why people can't take the friend seriously even when she has a point.

This is what happens when you try to criticize someone on being wrong when you yourself aren't clean either. It blemishes whatever credibility you have even when you have a point.

The friend is casting judgement on an entirely different kind of behavior/issue than what her cheating is. If hypothetically husband had been cheating and that's what the friend was being exasperated over, sure that would be hypocritical. But this is less like an unhealthily fat person judging another person for being unhealthily fat as well and more like a criminal who is guilty of armed robbery judging another criminal who was found guilty of animal abuse.

I know manga likes to meme and joke about muscular men. But here in the real world working out and building strength helps in your ability to self-actualize, socialize, build confidence and drive. The husband has none of this and it shows in how he treats his wife and how he sees himself.

Plus the wife is complaining about sex and building some strength can help him want to explore more and have more drive to actually screw her. It seems he treats sex more like a chore than a fun activity couples do. Look how he got morning wood after screwing his wife after being possessed. Look how energetic he feels. Working out and building strength will go a long way to fix his issues physically and mentally and help actually solve the issue of coldness with his wife.

Something to point out has the wife shown one ounce of attraction to her husband? Just obligation from my opinion. A sign the relationship is dead or on it's way to being dead.

Here's something else I'm noticing from a lot of people that keep saying his lack of attention is the sole issue. It's not. It's the biggest issue currently but even if he solved it going from a third party observation this relationship is barely holding on. He just has no confidence or strength that some other issues will crop up. I know this is manga so obviously this might end nice and tightly (Even tho realistically this relationship is fairly dead and these two should separate) but I think the husband is too pathetic (mindset wise) to truly fix all these issues and the wife is too passive as well.

I am sure building physical strength can be helpful for a lot of people in romantic relationships in real life, (this can likewise be true for any practice that contributes to one's physical/medical health) but it is not the essential core aspect of what makes or breaks most romantic relationships in general.

 

[sla123335]

Im looking foward for your next work paru👍

 

[HenrykDodwel]

That ghost has no right to act like the good guy. As well as her friend, fuck her cheating ass too. Everyone here is so self righteous the more they are in the wrong. None if it is the husbands fault besides dismissing ghosts because his wife never communicated her problems.

There is no good guy in this story, evryone is shitty. But bad people can still do good things, still can change.

 

[HippoPilot]

There is no good guy in this story, evryone is shitty. But bad people can still do good things, still can change.

My issue is the narrative is not framing it that way which means that isn't the intent and it's just bad writing/morality

 

[notcarl]

I love this story because everyone in here is kind of messed up in some type of way. Megumi and her friend are the most at fault for being cheaters but I’m so invested in the life force plot line like is she just going to rot away?? That’s so intense.