Watashi Datte Seishun Shitai Desu yo, Hontou wa. - Ch. 7

[zairaner]

Thank you so much for this flood of peakness!

 

[theotheodore_02]

This is so wholesome

 

[bebopsushi]

What do you mean you don’t know why you love her why you care for her the way you do T~T ref do something pleasd

 

[boss3334]

yuriful

 

[quantumcroissant]

"I don't know why I care so much about you" can also be read as "I don't know why I love you" imo

yeah exactly, she knows to recognise what she's feeling as being in love, but it feels kinda inexplicable to her, like she can't name any particular standout moment or character trait to justify it, it's just "huh, I've fallen in love with this girl"

 

[himi-cat]

Love the writing of this series so much. That bit about kindness with a motive might come back to sting Yukari later, but i think her heart is in the right place nonetheless. Hang in there, both of you...

Also the quality of the translation is excellent - particularly given how clear the poetic influence on the writing is, and the enormous challenges inherent in translating poetry. In an era of soulless "AI" translations it's incredibly refreshing to read something filtered through the mind of a real person with thoughts and feelings and the capacity to empathise with another real person's thoughts and feelings, and the skill to capture that in writing.

 

[pir0zhki]

Ok, good. This chapter confirms that Shouko's major concern is being gay, which is not really surprising, but it's especially nice to see that Tenri isn't her first love. I was a little surprised Yukari didn't come clean about liking girls as well, but in context she might have thought it would have been the same as confessing. At minimum, Shouko knows Yukari is an ally, and if she's smart she'll pick on why Yukari might be an "ally".

I'm 90% certain Shouko's friends don't know that she's gay, and 100% certain Tenri doesn't know because she wouldn't be that cruel, so I wonder if they'll misinterpret and be suspicious of how close Yukari and Shouko suddenly became.

Also very curious where the next chapters are gonna go since the main secret on Shouko's side has been revealed, and Yukari is not confessing any time soon. My only guess is that Tenri's sickness feels like a Chekov's gun situation and there's gonna be some drama and misunderstandings down the line when Tenri gets sick again.

I feel like Yukari is still working through her own feelings in this regard as well. I kinda get the impression that she's never really dealt with romantic feelings before, so she may not have looked at her situation yet through the lens of "Huh, guess I like girls", as her focus has been more on "damn I guess I really like this girl."

 

[himi-cat]

AW YEE

Hmm I wonder why you instinctively chose it?

Egoist huh?? Since when? did I miss something? When could she ever be described a slightly an egoist??
That's quite the theory dear

I realize she could be talking about the incest here or homophobia, they both fit the groves rather well that it makes it hard to discern which she's on about
Sly author you

Some fire Yuri, fire chapter
The grow closer still YES
Have a nice day

Note that Yukari called herself an "egoist", not an "egotist" - the two terms have related roots and conceptual similarities, but egoist is far less pejorative. In particular, "egotism" is almost universally seen as a vice, a kind of narcissim-lite - that's probably part of the reason that whole group of words with roots derived from the latin "ego" has acquired so many negative connotations.

"Egoism" is a philosophy concerned with the self (the ego) as the motivation for one's actions - either referring to the actual philosophy of Egoism, or more broadly speaking as a descriptive term. Someone who consciously follows that philosophy would call themselves an egoist; someone whose behaviour and patterns of thinking tend to be focused on themselves might also be described (or describe themselves) as an egoist, and that seems to be the way Yukari is using the term.

In most casual contexts people fitting that description would likely be described as introverted, though the two concepts are definitely not synonymous - introverted is pretty much neutral, whereas egoist can be used as a somewhat less pejorative version of egotist, or even synonymous with it. Someone who's introverted can probably also be accurately described as an egoist, but outside a formal philosophical or psychological discussion it wouldn't be the word people would normally use.

Certainly I think "introverted" fits Yukari much better than any reasonable reading of "egoist" - she's clearly not overly focused on herself (no more than any other teenager), she's mostly just somewhat separated from the people around her; this is mostly due to her social awkwardness and anxiety rather than a simple lack of interest in other people. Once she engages with others it immediately becomes clear that she's definitely not solely focused on herself, in fact she tends to put other people's needs ahead of herself (though not in a way that becomes pathological). The fact that she chose the more technical and "sophisticated" term probably reflects her fundamentally negative self-image - she's subtly (or not so subtly) denigrating herself by using a word that's technically applicable but has other, more common, negative readings.

Ironically, using the more sophisticated technical term could easily be interpreted as egotism on her part - showing off her superior understanding and sophistication. Fortunately, that really doesn't seem to match Yukari's personality - she's not showing off when she uses sophisticated language or quotes poetry, instead she's treating her extensive internal library like a DJ sampling their record collection, picking and choosing things others have said that convey her thoughts and state of mind. She's also using others' words to give herself some distance, even a kind of plausible deniability - It's not Yukari thinking and feeling things and translating those thoughts and feelings into words, it's someone else. Her passionate (and beautiful) monologue in this chapter shows why: she values both the words and the feelings that inspired them, but owning those words means acknowledging the feelings behind them, which exposes parts of herself that she's really uncomfortable letting others see.

Of course Shouko barely even registers any of that - to her, all the words come from Yukari even when she's quoting directly; lightly teasing Yukari with her question about who wrote those words was as much about (instinctively) lightening the mood as expressing curiosity about the source of a speech that Yukari was obviously deeply invested in. But it was also a sort of acknowledgement of the value of those words, even if she wasn't in a state of mind to do much more than listen.

As with everything in this story so far, this is excellent writing backed up by excellent translation.

 

[himi-cat]

yeah exactly, she knows to recognise what she's feeling as being in love, but it feels kinda inexplicable to her, like she can't name any particular standout moment or character trait to justify it, it's just "huh, I've fallen in love with this girl"

She's also instinctively downplaying what she's feeling - I think she's toyed with the idea that it might be "falling in love", but she's used "crush" or similar more often, and she's been trying pretty hard to shove herself into the "friends" box . . .

But yeah, in this case I definitely agree: however she chooses to describe her feelings, they came at her like the proverbial freight train - right now, she's basically on her knees trying to figure out what hit her.

 

[MelonManic]

Note that Yukari called herself an "egoist", not an "egotist" - the two terms have related roots and conceptual similarities, but egoist is far less pejorative. In particular, "egotism" is almost universally seen as a vice, a kind of narcissim-lite - that's probably part of the reason that whole group of words with roots derived from the latin "ego" has acquired so many negative connotations.

"Egoism" is a philosophy concerned with the self (the ego) as the motivation for one's actions - either referring to the actual philosophy of Egoism, or more broadly speaking as a descriptive term. Someone who consciously follows that philosophy would call themselves an egoist; someone whose behaviour and patterns of thinking tend to be focused on themselves might also be described (or describe themselves) as an egoist, and that seems to be the way Yukari is using the term.

In most casual contexts people fitting that description would likely be described as introverted, though the two concepts are definitely not synonymous - introverted is pretty much neutral, whereas egoist can be used as a somewhat less pejorative version of egotist, or even synonymous with it. Someone who's introverted can probably also be accurately described as an egoist, but outside a formal philosophical or psychological discussion it wouldn't be the word people would normally use.

Certainly I think "introverted" fits Yukari much better than any reasonable reading of "egoist" - she's clearly not overly focused on herself (no more than any other teenager), she's mostly just somewhat separated from the people around her; this is mostly due to her social awkwardness and anxiety rather than a simple lack of interest in other people. Once she engages with others it immediately becomes clear that she's definitely not solely focused on herself, in fact she tends to put other people's needs ahead of herself (though not in a way that becomes pathological). The fact that she chose the more technical and "sophisticated" term probably reflects her fundamentally negative self-image - she's subtly (or not so subtly) denigrating herself by using a word that's technically applicable but has other, more common, negative readings.

Ironically, using the more sophisticated technical term could easily be interpreted as egotism on her part - showing off her superior understanding and sophistication. Fortunately, that really doesn't seem to match Yukari's personality - she's not showing off when she uses sophisticated language or quotes poetry, instead she's treating her extensive internal library like a DJ sampling their record collection, picking and choosing things others have said that convey her thoughts and state of mind. She's also using others' words to give herself some distance, even a kind of plausible deniability - It's not Yukari thinking and feeling things and translating those thoughts and feelings into words, it's someone else. Her passionate (and beautiful) monologue in this chapter shows why: she values both the words and the feelings that inspired them, but owning those words means acknowledging the feelings behind them, which exposes parts of herself that she's really uncomfortable letting others see.

Of course Shouko barely even registers any of that - to her, all the words come from Yukari even when she's quoting directly; lightly teasing Yukari with her question about who wrote those words was as much about (instinctively) lightening the mood as expressing curiosity about the source of a speech that Yukari was obviously deeply invested in. But it was also a sort of acknowledgement of the value of those words, even if she wasn't in a state of mind to do much more than listen.

As with everything in this story so far, this is excellent writing backed up by excellent translation.

My respect for this Yuri grows far more deeply now
Thanks for the elaboration mate
Much appreciated

 

[njm380]

Two chapters in a span of a few days??? Oh my gosh. Thank you to the scanalation team! Considering how long the previous chapter (chapter 5) was, I was expecting that I'd have to wait 1 month and a half at best for the next one. But two chapters in a row is a surprise! So thank you.

I can't wait for the next update!

 

[Otaku_guy11222]

I've said it once I'll say it again.
WHY THE FUCK IS THIS MANGA SO POETIC?

 

[Gothic_Catalyst]

Thank you for the chapter.