1.1 - 'Shubet' -> yuck. Immediately we're into issues with literal translation. Not only did the previous translator translate this as 'Schubelt', which flows much better as a name, but we're in a world where we've been talking about duchys and medieval things and it's not a stretch to imagine the name padded out. But, of course, a raw katakana reading is going to give you this and why think any more about it than that?
1.4 - I'm deeply suspicious of what this second bubble said. It just kind of comes out of nowhere here.
1.5->2.1 - This is clearly part of the same sentence, but it's been split into two. This doesn't change the wording much but does change the cadence of the first 'That's why.'
2.2 - Subject issue. 'Those' -> 'You'
3.2 - 'Today' -> Too literal. Something Haruka's done a lot is go 'for the first time, I've experienced x' and this feels like the same sort of thing.
6.2 - 'They're amazing people' -> doesn't scan, much too literal. 'she's amazing', 'what an amazing person', any number of options. fuck it! gotta post for that clout!
6.5 - 'Wow, some really strong guys have gathered here' -> besides the fact he's talking about the nun, this is kinda weird in the middle of a sentence like this and lacks impact. consider something like 'to think there's such strong people here!' or something.
6.5 - 'Martial Arts Festival...!!' -> I can kind of let this ride because just yelling 'Martial Arts Festival' is goofy enough that it's in-character but I think the intent here is probably a bit more 'they're great!' rather than just yelling it
7.1 - 'we need to register' -> 'you need to register'
7.4 - 'let's split up with haruka' -> Montana is going with Al. 'Haruka and I will split off'
7.5 - 'New Encounters.' -> Incredible typesetting and redrawing here, and you've kind of cut out a joke entirely. Given 8.1/8.2 the idea here is that Haruka is especially looking forwards to 'New Encounters' with food.
8.1 - Typesetting
8.4 - 'you' -> 'we'
9.2 - 'Is there a referral from someone' -> completely incorrect tone. The waiter is being polite and I haven't ever seen anyone in hospo say 'is there a x' when they could say 'Do you have an x'
9.5 - 'Unfortunately, let's look for another store' -> Too literal/meaning lost. You don't refer to a classy restaurant as a 'store', and can't just go ざんねん on its own in english. 'That's a shame. Let's look for another place to eat, Haruka'.
10.3 - I'm not going to specifically ride you for not matching a prior translation's names on its own (Shubet has reasoning behind it) but 'Tuhok' feels extremely goofy. Also, 'uncle' here is much better as 'old man' because you can't just literally translate 'oji-san'. Also, remember that you used 'Kudan' here, we'll come back to that.
10.4 - 'No... I have to come back' -> they're not coming back to the restaurant, they're leaving it. Even if Haruka is talking about the future it's much too literal. Consider 'No... we'll have to come back later when we have a reservation', especially because with 'introduction' you've mixed yet another term alongside 'reservation' and 'referral'.
12.2 - Cool typesetting. This whole box feels weird because there's absolutely no tone to it.
12.2 - 'Shall I at least say hello' -> too literal. 'Shall I introduce myself?'
13.2 - I will ride you on 'Colin', because that's not nearly as much a female name as 'Corin' is.
13.2 - 'Is that Haruka-san or Corin-san' -> Doesn't scan in English at all. Given the next panel, this is probably meant to be something like: 'So I wonder, Haruka-san, Corin-san...'
13.3 - '... might you be the people who protected my son?' Also pronouns: 'he'
13.4 - 'Oh, that's fine' -> comes out of nowhere, too literal. 'Ah, don't be concerned. I already know the details...'
14.3 - 'Giitsu' is also a really dumb version of the kid's name that is translated much too literally.
14.3 - '106, you little brat* He's your son' - this entire bubble, what is going on?
14.5 - The first bubble here is very messy and doesn't scan at all. I don't quite know what the intent was so it's difficult to offer a comparison here but I suspect this is a callback to 'new encounters with food' and probably should reflect that.
15.4 - 'I'm glad to hear that' - kind of odd after Haruka's musing. Consider 'That's a good thought' or 'that's a good idea'
15.5 - Corin's bubble here is probably wrong. Given the manga so far has Corin usually helping prop up Haruka's self-confidence, and the guy's confusion at her response, this is probably meant to be something like 'But if she did, she'd do really well!'
16.1 - 'Kudaan' -> it's been 6 pages since you used his name last and you couldn't bother to get them the same
16.2 - 'him' -> 'her'... ... ... but also he's not just talking about Haruka here. 'I just intimidate people to get them to move' is also an option.
17.5 - 'What do you mean by cutting off the tail after winning' -> too literal, doesn't scan in English, it's not something he just said. consider 'then, what's with cutting off the tail after winning?!'
18.3 - 'it was a man who saved her, not a woman' -> given the previous bubble, this is clearly meant to be 'it was a man I saved, not a woman'
18.4 - jajja! I guess this was the only sound effect that the AI could read so it just decided to slop it all up into the translation along with everything else.
19.2 - oh he's back to being 'Kudan'. ok.
20.3 - oh he's back to being 'Kuudan'. ok.
20.1 - As it is, something doesn't line up here which makes me think something has been lost in translation. Ku(u)dan is saying 'we're not that different than other people', but he's also saying 'we're a bunch of weirdos', which leaves the first bubble here confusing. Is he suggesting to Haruka that she should continue to think they're terrifying? is he warning haruka that she should hold onto that idea that they're terrifying? who knows. Given 20.4, the look on his face, and the fact that it's important enough to put in its own panel, I think it's meant to be the latter, but either way this panel's meaning has been obliterated.
22.1 - oh he's 'Kudam' now. ok. do you see why I think you maybe don't respect the source material or your potential readers and just shoved this out in an attempt to get internet clout for your snipe?
22.1 - 'It felt like today's corin-al' -> super clumsy in english. 'It felt like Al was with us'
23.2 - oh he's 'Kuudan-Tuhawk' now. ok.
23.2 - 'So it was really you / I wanted to see you too' -> this might be in character for Al but let's face it at this point I'm more leaning towards a pronoun fuckup. 'So it was really him / I wanted to meet him too'
I started this right after my last post. This took me 45 minutes to flag up 40 significant errors. If you're going to run an MTL snipe at least do the bare minimum of proofreading and cleaning and maybe think a little about why you're doing this. It bears repeating that in a single goddamn chapter of a manga you have over a half-dozen ways of spelling a single person's name.
