Hello to anyone who sees this, no will probably care but, I weirdly relate to some parts on this and it kinda changed my perspective of things, I would like to share that I done inappropriate stuff to my self, for a long long way to long time, its really embarrassing and genuinely disgusting to hear but I’m 16 and that just makes this worse, but ever since one of the chapters I related to the part where the author said he did it day in and day out practically all the time, I’m like that but he also said he felt sticky, never clean and disgusting… I relate to that sometimes at night or in the shower I wonder “Why am I so disgusting” I bet even if I told my family this they’d resent me, whenever I was nervous, mad or even sad I’d touch “it” over and over it started to feel normal like an everyday thing… I’m scared, I really am it’s horrible to cause I’m crying and struggling to type this cause I’m so scared of myself, what my family would think, what my friends, strangers, priest, or anyone would think. They’d probably rebuke me and think I’m trash, well I don’t wanna be trash, please.. I wanna be normal, I hate lust, it’s completely taken over my body. I go to church and later that day I’ll “do it” my family real big on religion but I’m to scared to say I’m not, I really am not. I just wanna get rid of this feeling that overcomes my mind and makes think it’s “normal”… I hate hate hate hate hate HATE IT, it’s worse because I’ve done it to myself for 8 years and I just can’t stop I even try to force my self to not and I fail, I remember I used to go home when I was 12 and tie my hands with duck tape to stop, and failed I need help, from anyone I just wanna stop but I can’t it hurts so unbelievable much. On the characters “Ren” I relate to her even more, I’m not an attractive guy (yes Ik seen is a girl) and my friends would rate me 6/10, I’m short, and weak, skinny to make it worse. When I reached highschool I started my first actual sport, wrestling, I thought to myself this will help me “man” up and work on myself and stop doing these sick things… all it left me with was realizing the skill gap there is between the weak and frail, so I quit, but before this in middle school I did art either tho I was not in art class, I’d practice at home/school/or out of town, I’m decent at it but just like “Ren” said I relate to her cause it’s the only thing I CAN do, I’m not booksmart/streetsmart, I’m not athletic, I’m not strong, and all I am is just a boy who found his interest in first Anime then to manga then to manwha… anyway I’m scared of myself, music and art are the main things that delay my broken hands controlled by lust, I wanna be myself, I wanna find someone I see with love and not lust, I’m just so confused on what to do tho, I have no idea how to stop…please if u have any idea or advice I would love to hear