Regarding the TLs, I noticed that you tend to translate by the bubble instead of by the sentence. For example, the first panel of the first page—I'm pretty sure it's translated that way because Japanese puts all adjectives first before the object of the sentence. So instead of, "Hey there, ragged piece of equipment, Paladin!" (as in the original Japanese structure) the English would sound more like, "Hey there, Paladin with ragged equipments!"
They do tend to not use punctuations like full stops though, so it does tend to be difficult to tell where a sentence/phrase starts and where it ends, especially nested sentences without verbs lol. They also use punctuations differently than English in a few kinds of sentences. But I think it just takes getting used to, more than anything else, so keep at it. Thanks for the translation work!