Honestly, I didn't think there was much wrong with this, at all.
Sure, the grammar was pretty rough, but it was still understandable. If you had a decent proofreader, I think it would have been quite a nice quality, even.
On another note, I've been recommended to pick this up. So, at the very least, you'll have found that new Translator you were looking for, haha!
I'd like to say that I very much appreciate the effort you put in, thus far. Scanlating isn't as easy as it looks!
Regards, Lectonal