Danjo-hi 1: 39 No heikō sekai de sumire no sakurasō (sakura sou) wa futsūjanai... - Ch. 2 - Let's go Somewhere Nee-san

[MangaDex]

 

[Geako]

It's second chapter.

Here is the color Image.


It's just the opening chapter. Next chapter we will go at coffee shop to have date.

Here is the something I like to

I had created a "Forbidden Object.", It is a colored a r18 porn panel.
Which I want to destroy all. But I am getting hesitations that I need to destroy which I made it with "so much effort".

Is there anyone here who can take the burden from me. They take the colored R18 NSFW image file, so that I can freely delete that? Interested can Reply me. I will send them the link in DM. Once they take it from me. I will delete them. Thanks.

Also, I need to translate this chapter in Japanese post it on Nico Nico.

@dimox @TestAddress @MrTurtleMan @BB-62

 

[HeatManga]

Get yourself a proofreader and it'll read better

 

[caliche9700]

I really enjoy this parody, please kwep it up

 

[dimox]

You want to add a forbidden item to my mountain of evil goods? Help yourself, I won't stop you

By the way...

Get yourself a proofreader and it'll read better

Yup, and I wouldn't mind doing it. if I get the scripts from Geako in advance, that is...

Spoiler: MY FINDINGS/RECOMMENDATIONS...

P2-B1:
SOU! YOU WANT TO GO ON A DATE?!
You tend to leave out words at times. Also, I think Sumire is not stating a fact there, it's more like asking for confirmation, so there should be a question mark at least - the exclamation mark would be optional (if she's really surprised)

P3:
IT'S JUST THAT I FEEL BORED TO STAY AT HOME ALL THE TIME. SINCE YOU ARE FREE RIGHT NOW, NEE-SAN, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FINE IF WE GO OUTSIDE AND HAVE A LITTLE FUN.
I rewrote that bubble, no offense. But I think this is what you wanted Sou to say. The blue bits are optional, if you have to keep the bubble size in mind, leave them out as you see fit.

P4:
SOU, WE ARE GOING ON A DATE!!
SO IT'S A DATE WITH SOU!!
I have a hard time deciphering if you mean "Sou," or "So,"... I'll assume Sumire addresses her brother here. Otherwise, maybe use the alternative... again, the blue part is optional.

P5-B1:
I would replace the second "Sou" with "You" here. In Japanese it's fine to use the name, but in English it sounds weird.

P5-B2:
it's NEE-SAN <- you tend to forget the second e quite often.

P6-B1:
W-WHERE ARE WE GOING?
not sure what exactly you want to convey here, but Sumire getting taken by a surprise compliment is probably it. So, it that case, maybe write it like that. Perhaps adjust the fontsize a bit to make it fit the bubble.

P6-B2:
TO THE COFFEE-SHOP NEAR OUR HOUSE?

Nice job, Geako... you went for smaller bits, as mentioned before. I think that's the right choice for now. Get things done little by little and don't worry... the original author started with even shorter chapters. Next time coffee shop then? Hehe, poor waitress gonna need a mop.

That bonus panel though - what happened to Nee-san's hair? Lost color due to shock that Sou hugged so many harlots? And seriously, what about that would be a nightmare? It's a sight to gaze at with reverence... and dirty thoughts.

 

[GranEschaton]

The side dishes Sumire hates festival is going to start once Mom hears about this. Her date outfit is extremely cute and Sou should embrace the dream Sumire, as in the dreamy cool Onee-san going on a date with him

 

[MrTurtleMan]

Why did you give Sumire grey hair in the fan art?

 

[Geako]

Why did you give Sumire grey hair in the fan art?

I used desaturated pallete, for skin, eyes, hair except lingerie. It feels looks Grey. I should multiply it darker shade.

Edit : I made it darker.

 

[ipod123432]

Woooo date night!

+1 proofreader will help. Art is good.

 

[Noskal_Borg]

I used desaturated pallete, for skin, eyes, hair except lingerie. It feels looks Grey. I should multiply it darker shade.

Edit : I made it darker.

Btw, i think the Fan art could bump this up from "suggestive" to "erotic"

 

[Geako]

Btw, i think the Fan art could bump this up from "suggestive" to "erotic"

What should I do ? Should I water down? FanArt are going to be erotic.

 

[Noskal_Borg]

What should I do ? Should I water down? FanArt are going to be erotic.

I am just saying you may want to update the tag or put the fan art elsewhere, does that make sense?

People use the tags to protect their eyes.
Aybe aldo update the description to clarify that the fan art is erotic but the story is suggestive.
But when someone clicks on a suggestive work they expect no nips. And when they click on an erotic work, they expect nips.

 

[Geako]

I am just saying you may want to update the tag or put the fan art elsewhere, does that make sense?

People use the tags to protect their eyes.
Aybe aldo update the description to clarify that the fan art is erotic but the story is suggestive.
But when someone clicks on a suggestive work they expect no nips. And when they click on an erotic work, they expect nips.

Ok, I have made it 'erotic', because there while whole story will be safe, but one/two nightmare chapter will be feature main heroine in see-through langerie. That will change the level suggestive to erotic.

 

[Geako]

I am just saying you may want to update the tag or put the fan art elsewhere, does that make sense?

I replied as I said. Now I feel tone was harsh. Sorry, that English is not my first language, whenever I answer It always becomes ruder than what I expect.

 

[Noskal_Borg]

I replied as I said. Now I feel tone was harsh. Sorry, that English is not my first language, whenever I answer It always becomes ruder than what I expect.

That's okay. If the comment was rude on your part it was only barely. What mattered is that you needed clarification about why it mattered and i gave it.

My feelings aren't hurt. You're a nice person.